The Tail of J'Hirra
by ShiroMoon
Summary: Journal entries documenting the life and times of J'Hirra, a Khajiit refugee from Khenarthi's Roost. This is the story of her rise to Harbinger of the Companions, her love for the Nord man who helped her to forgive, her one and only true friend, and her adventures as the savior of Skyrim; the Dragonborn.
1. Prologue

Prologue

As far as J'Hirra was concerned, Khenarthi's Roost had been her first and last real home. Skyrim was cold and harsh, and the people that lived here were as bitter and cold as the land they inhabited. Khenarthi's Roost had warm beaches, deep blue waters, and she could remember seeing friendly and familiar faces everywhere she went. She still remembered the baker that made the most delicious Moon Sugar pie, the charismatic merchants that always wanted to sell her their finest jewelry—and one time, her mother bought an amulet for her from one of those carts, one she still wore to this day—, and the cubs she would play tag with through the rain forests. She could still faintly recall the scent of the rain in the tropical jungles, the moisture thick in her fur.

Then the hurricane came. It wasn't the first hurricane—it certainly wouldn't be the last—but as her mother had said, it had been the worst. The beaches were flooded, the rain forest was torn asunder, the baker and thousands of others drowned, and J'Hirra and her mother had fled to a cave along with several others, and returned to find their house gone as if it had never existed to begin with. Half the island was flooded, the crops were drowned. Staying was a death warrant. So when the ship to Skyrim came, J'Hirra and her mother boarded it. "It will be a new beginning for us, dear one." Her mother had said as they sat nestled together in the damp bowels of the ship, shivering in the cold.

She had been right, but it hadn't been the new beginning they asked for. During the trip, J'Hirra became delirious with fever and there were no resources on board to treat her. The ship arrived in the port of one of the oldest cities in Skyrim; Windhelm, and when J'Hirra stepped off the boat the cold was so sharp it took her breath away. Never in her entire life had she felt such cold. The Khajiits lined up and approached the gate. A guard— dressed in thick, heavy fur and his face obscured by a visor—marched forward and bellowed, "On the Jarl's orders, no refugees may enter this city!" There were cries of outrage.

"But why?" One Khajiit shouted, shivering in the cold. "We know what your kind does; skooma traders, the lot of you! This city will not be befouled by your filth. There is shelter and food on the docks, if you work hard, you will be taken care of."

"No, please, Khajiit's daughter is sick! Without proper treatment, she may die!" J'Hirra's mother cried, holding J'Hirra in her arms. "If you can afford it, there are plenty of healers!" The guard shouted, and he motioned for the other guards to shepherd the refugees down to the docks. "This one has nothing! She cannot pay!" J'Hirra's mother wailed and she was ignored by all except the very last man that ever should have heard. "I can help your daughter." J'Hirra's head spun as her mother whirled around. A well-dressed, portly middle-aged man stood in front of them. He had a thick beard and he smelled of mead. He wore a smile that J'Hirra—even in her fever-induced haze—found unsettling. There was no happiness in his smile.

"Sir, this one cannot pay you for your services." Her mother said, hurrying to him. "But if you speak the truth, please…please help her cub. Please."

"It's not money I want." She felt her mother's arms tighten around her, felt her breathing stop. He was standing too close to them, and his eyes never stayed on her mother's face for long. "I can afford a whole apothecary for your daughter; she will have food, shelter, and you, fine creature, won't have to pay a single coin."

Her mother was silent and J'Hirra could feel her heart beating fast and smell her mother's fear. "The docks are drafty, and the labor is hard and pays little to nothing. You and your daughter are much better off with me." J'Hirra's mother remained silent, the smell of anxiety thick around her. "Mama…" J'Hirra rasped, raised a claw weakly to reach for her mother's face.

Then her mother's arms were holding her tightly. "…A-alright. Just help this one's daughter." The man's massive hand closed around her mother's arm and J'Hirra heard her mother gasp. "Follow me." And he dragged them to the gates. "Sir," the gate guard rushed over. "Sir, did you not hear me? I said—,"

"You'll mind your own business." The man's voice was like a bear's and it frightened J'Hirra. "These refugees are my concern; don't worry, they won't step foot outside my walls, will you?" He shook her mother roughly, bouncing J'Hirra. Her mother gasped in pain. "N-no, we won't!"

"Good. Now let us in." J'Hirra remembered little after this. The city of Windhelm was a blur of noise and snow. They'd been dragged through the streets and J'Hirra grew so dizzy, she could barely keep her eyes open. She'd heard the screech of an iron gate, then the slam of a door, and felt faint warmth begin to wash over her. "Dunmer!" The man boomed. "Take the brat downstairs and send for a healer."

"Yes." Through the haze, she'd seen the face of a grey-skinned man with red eyes and pointed ears as he took her into his arms. As they'd descended the stairs to the basement there'd been a slam and a cry of shock and fear. "Now, pay up, my dear." J'Hirra could still remember the pin-prick of fear through her fever, the realization that something bad was going to happen, and then nothing. She'd wanted to cry out for her mother, but she'd passed out.

When she awoke, the word was a different place. As soon as she was able to walk around again, she was put to work. She cleaned the man's house with the Dunmer who regarded her with hostility. She didn't see her mother and whatever questions she asked were ignored. For a month, she lived in the Nord's house. He wasn't home a lot and whenever he was, he was drunk and prone to violent outbursts, most of which were directed at his Dunmer servant. Sometimes he beat her if she didn't clean the floor well enough or if the clothes weren't folded properly. She would hide under her covers at night and listen to her mother crying upstairs and feel helpless and alone, and then she'd cry herself to sleep.

One time, she walked in on them. The Nord had left the door open. Her mother was naked and crying and blood rolled down her thighs. She uttered a gasp and the Nord's head whipped towards the door. Before she could run, his hand was around her scruff and he threw her down the stairs. "The blazes are you doing, bitch?" he roared and J'Hirra thought for sure he'd kill her. Instead, he thrust his axe at her.  
"Get me firewood, girl. Hurry back or mommy will be dead! Go!" And he threw her out the door.

J'Hirra ran through the streets, gasping and terrified. She chopped wood with her heart in her throat, shaking claws dropping firewood. She heaved the axe, bigger than the length of her body, over her head and chopped the last piece. When she got back, she begged to see her mother and was instead thrown into her room. She cried for hours, beat at the door, and finally curled up in a ball when she couldn't cry or scream anymore. Her mother was dead and soon, she would be dead too.

That night she was shaken awake and she found her mother standing over her. But she no longer looked like her mother; her nails were overgrown, her fur was matted with blood and dirt, and her voice was devoid of love when she ordered her daughter out of bed. There was blood everywhere, all over her hands and torn clothes.  
"Come, get up, we have to move. The pig is dead and it's only a matter of time before the Dunmer gets up. On your feet!" J'Hirra was wrenched from bed by the wrist; her mother's nails dug into her skin and drew blood.

Her mother dragged her from the house and into the cold streets. They stopped just outside the gates and her mother gasped and clutched at her stomach.  
"Mama?" J'Hirra whimpered, looking at the blood pooling into her mother's hand. "Not now!" Her mother wrapped her cloak around her to conceal the wound and ran, dragging her daughter behind her. They ran through the streets until they reached the main gates and hurried through them.

They ran across the bridge, J'Hirra slipped on the ice and scraped her knee, but her mother only wrenched her to her feet and kept running. They reached the main road just past the stables and took a right across a bridge. Once across, they left the path and ventured into the woods, the blizzard covered up their footsteps. They walked for miles, not saying a word. Her mother's run died into a slow, painful walk, and the snow fell harder all around them. A trail of blood marked their passing and her mother grew slower with each step they took. The world around them grew dark and her mother stumbled and fell. J'Hirra shrieked with fright and flung herself down beside her. "Mama, Mama, no! Get up! Get up!" She shook her mother, tears streaming down her face.

Her mother was breathing shallowly. "Mama, don't die! Don't die!" J'Hirra looked around, desperate for a sign that help was nearby. Through the snowstorm, she thought she could see torchlight in the distance. "Help!" She screamed, not caring if they were friend or foe. Either way, she was heard. And to her relief, four Khajiit made their way towards her, two male and two female. They were loaded up with packs of goods and two of the four were heavily armed.

One of the four, a male Khajiit with long white fur, strode forward and said, his voice kindly and his eyes full of concern, "What brings such a small cub to this cold, hard land?" He caught sight of her mother lying in the snow, and knelt at once. "Help her, please." J'Hirra begged and the Khajiit turned to his traveling companions and said, "Get her to shelter, now." One of the two heavily armored cat-men heaved her mother into his arms and the white Khajiit said, "Come, quickly now." He scooped J'Hirra into his arms and the Khajiit ran. Within a few minutes, they'd found shelter in a cave just off the road. J'Hirra watched, wide-eyed and breathless, as her mother's wound was examined.

"It's no good, Ri'saad," said one of the two female Khajiit, ears flattening. "She needs a healer. The closest city is Windhelm, and they won't let Khajiit in."

"But…" J'Hirra whimpered, looking from one adult to the other with desperation. Ri'saad, the white Khajiit, hung his head, his eyes heavy and his ears laid flat against his head. "I am sorry, little cub." J'Hirra's mother stirred, a grimace of pain on her face. Her eyes opened and J'Hirra knelt beside her and said, "Mama, mama, please don't die. Don't leave J'Hirra alone!" Her mother's eyes were dark and empty.

"Take her with you." She said, her voice barely a whisper. "J'Hirra doesn't want to go with them! She wants to be with you, Mama!" J'Hirra sobbed, wrapping her arms around her mother's neck. "Go with them, J'Hirra." A bubble of blood grew at the corner of her mother's mouth and burst, dotting J'Hirra's cheek. "Don't trust the Nords. They have no love for us. Only hate. By the twin moons, don't trust them, J'Hirra."

Those were her mother's last words, and they stuck with J'Hirra even now, thirty years later. Until she was eighteen, she traveled the roads of Skyrim with the trading caravan and Ri'saad taught her the ways of bow and blade. Then she grew bored and left them; she was tired of fighting off bandits and wolves. At one point she joined a pack of bandits after they cornered her on the road, and joining was easier than being killed. She had a few terrible years with them and turned on them when she could taint what little honor she had no longer.

She wanted to go home, to find a way back to Khenarthi's Roost and see if the island had made any recoveries.  
As she neared the end of Skyrim's borders, she became entangled in an event that would change her life forever.

She was caught in an ambush laid by Imperial troops meant for the leader of the Stormcloak Rebellion, Ulfric Stormcloak. They didn't care if she was a rebel or not, as far as they were concerned, just by being near him she was a traitor to the Emperor. She fought to break free and was knocked out and thrown into the cart. When she awoke, she found herself far from the border and heading towards Helgen and the headman's axe. There were others in the cart with her, a Stormcloak named Ralof, some horse-thief that kept whining about how innocent he was, and Ulfric himself, bound and gagged.

The horses came to stop in the courtyard, J'Hirra saw the head's man walking alongside a priestess, his axe gleaming in the sunlight. Ralof said, grinning, "Come, let's not keep the Gods waiting for us." J'Hirra stumbled out of the cart with him. The horse-thief tried to run and was shot down by archers. One Stormcloak marched right up to the chopping block and ordered them to get it over with. Beside her, Ralof watched with a bitter smile. For a moment, J'Hirra swore she almost felt admiration for these Nords and how fearlessly they embraced death.

" _By the twin moons, don't trust them, J'Hirra."_

Her jaw clenched, her fur bristled. Who'd have thought that she'd die here with a bunch of Nords? And what a pathetic life she'd led, too…She'd wanted to make her mother proud, to stand victorious at the end of a glorious fight, to hear her name sung in meadhalls and to see glasses raised in her name, and here she was, about to die on the chopping block.

The head's man swung his axe, the Nord's head rolled across the ground, spewing blood. "Next prisoner, the cat!" The Imperial called. J'Hirra knelt and her head collided with the blood-stained block. Above her, the executioner raised his axe. Then the world was torn apart by a roar that shook the earth. A shadow fell across the small town as great, black wings blocked out the sun. It landed on the tower above her, the force of it's landing shook the earth and knocked the executioner to the floor. It was a dragon, and it stared right at her; its red eyes burned into her soul. It opened its great maw and the sky opened up, raining fiery death from above and yet, she was the only one that was left unscratched while others burned and died all around her.

Then it took flight and Ralof's voice was bellowing at her, ordering her on her feet. The image of those red eyes wouldn't leave her mind and for a moment, all she could do was watch the beast take to the skies, spitting fire down upon the archers trying to ground it. She breathed in the smell of charred flesh and smoke.

She was alive.

And as they say, the rest is history.


	2. Entry 1 A Fresh Start

Entry 1.

Fredas, 15th of Last Seed

This one's name is J'Hirra. She has never written in a journal before. She used to enjoy writing stories and poems when she was a cub, but she has not touched a quill in a very long time. So, what makes this one pick it up now after all these years? Boredom, perhaps? This one cannot sleep tonight, no matter how tired she is. But perhaps that is not the case. No, this one feels a greater purpose behind her actions.

Her life changed today at Helgen. Seeing that dragon, hearing the screams of the burning and the dying, watching the executioner raise his axe over her head. So many died today, yet this one was spared? She has led such a meaningless life, yet hers was spared? It has to be for a reason, no? This day marks a fresh start in her life. No more bandits, no more fighting just for the sake of it, or living for the sake of living. It is time this one made a name for herself, yes?

Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to document all the amazing deeds she will accomplish during her fresh start? Yes. Because there will be deeds; amazing, jaw-dropping, truly inspiring deeds. This one will make her mother proud.

She was with a group of bandits for a while after she left the caravan. Being alone in the wilderness was frightening and when they tried to rob her she fought back and their leader was impressed and asked if J'Hirra wished to join, so she said yes. Khajiit never really liked it, but felt that if she tried to leave, they would kill her. This one has disappointed her mother with her dishonorable actions, but after today, things will be different. Somehow.

As for her sleeplessness...It is not only the black dragon's burning red eyes that are keeping her awake. She can faintly hear whispers, some louder than others, some so soft they are barely there…far away…They are calling to her, she can feel it. Even now, there is one whisper close by, closer than all the others. It sounds like it's saying 'Fus' over and over again. But what word is that? It's no Elven language, nor that of the Khajiit or Argonian. It's not even Nordic. Is your daughter going mad, Mother? Did seeing that Dragon unhinge this one? No, no J'Hirra is still sane, she can feel it, but these voices are enough to drive her mad. What's worse is that this one feels compelled to go to them, to hunt them all down and silence them. Not even because they are annoying…the words are ancient, full of power…she can feel it.

This Khajiit is tired now, and her mind is more at peace. Her hand also aches from holding the quill for so long. Ralof and his family are decent people, for Nords that is. They have put her up for the night on a few blankets in the basement. They gave her food and supplies, and wish for her to visit the city down the road and ask for the Jarl to send troops to Riverwood in case a dragon attacks. It is a tiny town that smells of freshly cut wood and sawdust, but it is pleasant and safe.  
Ralof did save her life from the dragon and Khajiit feels compelled to help him. Forgive her, Mother.

Tomorrow, Khajiit goes to Whiterun; she will tell the Jarl to send troops to Riverwood, and then she will see what kind of a name she can make for herself there.

All will give her their respect, especially the Nords.


	3. Entry 2 The Right Path

Entry 2.

Loredas, 16th Of Last Seed

What a busy day this Khajiit has had. Again, she cannot sleep, so she writes this in the barracks of Jorrvaskr, the meadhall of the Companions. Yes, Khajiit believes she may join them if all goes well tomorrow. She has heard of the Companions for many years now; they were feared by the bandits this one used to travel with. As she came down the hill from Riverwood, this one encountered a group of three Companions fighting a Giant. This one rushed in and got the final blow in, and one of the Companions, a red-headed woman, was impressed and suggested this one pay a visit to Jorrvaskr.

This one arrived in Whiterun and the guards tried to stop her as she approached the gate. They claimed the city was closed due to the dragon attacks, but this one believes they tried to stop her because she was Khajiit. None of her kind are allowed in the cities, but they let her in only when she told them Riverwood needed aid. And then, when this one tried to visit the Jarl, the guards turned up their noses and refused to let her see him! The bigots! Well, this one thinks the whole town of Riverwood and Whiterun can burn for all she cares and so she went straight to Jorrvaskr, an overturned boat on a hill just before the palace.

Their leader (well, not leader. The Companions haven't had a leader since Ysgramor. He is more of an advisor) is Kodlak Whitemane, an old Nord. Khajiit would call him foolish, but he is surprisingly wise. He just looked at Khajiit and seemed to know the depths of her spirit when she walked in and asked to join.

But the other man he was talking with…Khajiit does not like him. His name is Vilkas; he smells like a dog and he's as stupid as one, too. Or perhaps he isn't, and that's why she dislikes him. He should be stupid, yet he is smart and a strong fighter. He and Kodlak were talking about something mysterious when she walked into Kodlak's room. Something about how Vilkas felt the 'call of the blood'. Kodlak told him that it was 'their burden to bear'. They are up to something fishy! Never trust the Nords, just like you told this one, Mother. She will watch them closely.

Kodlak asked Vilkas to test her sword-arm in the yard and Vilkas agreed, but he looked like he thought it was a waste of time, like he believes her to be weak. But Khajiit showed him! With a single swing from her battleaxe, she nearly knocked him off his feet! He mocked her, asking her if that was all she had, and it was not! Another swing and his knees buckled and he nearly fell again. He swung a few times at her, his face red and his eyes blazing. He hit hard and he was very fast with that greatsword of his, but Khajiit dodged, blocked and countered. To her surprise, he declared her, 'Not bad, but still a whelp to us, new blood." His words made her blood boil. Hadn't she nearly cut his head off just now?

Then— _then_ — he thrust his sword at her and said, "Take it up Eorlund to get sharpened and be careful with it. It's probably worth more than you are." Mother, your daughter snapped. Because all she could remember was how hard she worked as a bandit, only one Khajiit amongst a pack of Nords, and how every single one of them saw her as beneath them. No matter how many times she bested them in fist-fights or how good she was at guarding their outpost at night. His words reminded this one of _him_. The Nord man who broke you. Thrusting firewood into her face after J'Hirra had stumbled upon him violating you, ordering her to go out into the cold and get firewood, to hurry back or else you might be dead before she got back.

So Khajiit attacked him. He barely had time to block the blow from her blade. It knocked him flat onto his ass and yet he still pushed back against her, but she'd surprised him; his eyes were wide and his mouth agape in a look of surprise. J'Hirra told him that if he ever spoke that way to her again, she would kill him. She brought her blade so close to his neck, and it frightened him, she could tell. He shoved her off of him and said,  
"Fine, fine! Just get going."

He still left his sword there for her and Khajiit would have broken it in half, but her battleaxe was in need of repair as well. It's a steel battleaxe and this one has had it for years. She took both weapons up to the Skyforge, a great forge run by a Nord named Eorlund. He is a fine blacksmith, like most Nords. Probably the only thing they are truly good at.

He repaired both of our weapons, and Khajiit demanded to know if Vilkas always sent newcomers on errands.  
He laughed and said not to worry; all the companions were whelps once and that most just don't like to remember it.  
He gave J'Hirra a shield for one called Aela and asked if she could deliver it for him; his wife was in mourning and he wanted to get back to her.  
J'Hirra knows his wife; an old woman that sells jewelry he smiths down at a stand in the market district. Khajiit despised performing another errand, but he insisted that it was a favor. Well, he had just repaired her battleaxe and it looked stronger and sharper than ever despite its age. Why not?

Aela is not bad. She is fiery and strong and sympathized with J'Hirra's dislike fo Vilkas.  
"Don't let him get to you. Knowing him, he's just sore that you gave him a beating." She thanked J'Hirra for the sword, insisted that we hunt together sometime, and then called over a man named Farkas to show J'Hirra to her quarters. He's a big Nord, stupid, too, but his heart seems to be in the right place. Khajiit is inclined to dislike him as he is Vilkas' twin brother, but she cannot quite do it.  
He gave her a job to do; J'Hirra needs to pay a visit to a bard named Mikel in the Bannered Mare and rough him up. Didn't she just pay that foolish bard a visit this afternoon for bothering Carlotta? Idiot…

The Companions are alright. Aela smells like dog, Vilkas smells like dog—so Khajiit will call him 'the stupid dog' from now on— and Farkas does, too. Hmm, even Kodlak does, actually. But they are Nords, yes? Foul smells are to be expected; they don't bathe themselves like Khajiit do. The Companions are mostly Nords; but they have a Dunmer amongst them. Ew. And none of them have actually made any remarks about J'Hirra being Khajiit, although she thinks Vilkas has a problem with it. But perhaps this will work, yes? We shall see.


	4. Entry 3 Coming Home

Entry 3.

Sundas, 17th of Last Seed

So much has happened today. J'Hirra had nightmares of dragon fire and so relented and, after punching out the idiot bard's tooth and retrieving her pay, she went for the Jarl's palace. She made such a fuss that the guards let her in to see the Jarl. The first thing that happened when she entered the palace was being mistaken for a servant by one of the Jarl's brats! Such awful children.  
The Jarl himself is fiery and hot-headed, but dedicated to his people. He sent troops to Riverwood at once and rewarded J'Hirra with coin for seeking him out, he also offered her work and said his court wizard needed help.

So, J'Hirra spoke to the wizard and he is an annoying personality; very arrogant. He wants J'Hirra to bring him an item called a Dragon Stone from Bleak Falls Barrow, an ancient Nord burial ruin that overlooks the town of Riverwood. Again, Nords are mistaking her for a dog! She does not fetch things! But, it sounded important. However, when Khajiit climbed the mountain and grew closer to the Barrow, that particular whispering in her head only grew louder above all the whispers in her head.

 _"Fus."_

It got louder and louder with each step she took. Something is lying in wait within that Barrow, something ancient and oh so powerful.

J'Hirra is scared of it, Mother.

She is ashamed to admit it, but she could not go in. Whatever is in there is unnatural and Khajiit feels like it is meant only for her and that is terrifying.  
Instead, Khajiit returned to Jorrvaskr and overheard Kodlak and his battle companion Skjor speaking of a particular bandit group called the Snowbacks.  
Her ears perked up because this one was once one of those bandits! After leaving them, this one took odd jobs as a mercenary and hunted down as many bandits as she could as repentance for her way of life. This one and a few others in the Snowbacks came to realize we did not have the...what is the word? Stomach for the way of life when the chief, an Orc named Burgnash, ordered us to raid Rorikstead, kill the townspeople, and pillage what remained.

Killing was not the Snowback way, not under the former leader, anyway; a Khajiit named Ra'shir-jo. Burgnash put an end to him in the night and took over, and the Snowbacks went from toll-takers and caravan raiders, to murderers, rapists, and skooma-tooths. This one never killed innocents, not under Ra'shir-jo who was opposed to killing; we took what we needed from rich caravans with gold to spare.

No, it is not justified, but this one believes that Burgnash's way was wrong. The Snowbacks went from a group of men and women doing what they could to survive, alone and afraid in the wilderness and desperate for family, and brought in the scum of the earth who killed and raped for pleasure. This one and a few others turned on Burgnash in the night, but he escaped.

After she split from the Snowbacks, this one set about hunting down the rest of them and while she may have killed a few of his friends, Burgnash remained elusive. That is, until recently. On her last raid on the Snowbacks, months ago, she found a letter from Burgnash demanding a shipment of skooma for Halted Stream Camp. This one debated whether to go after him or jump on the first boat out of Skyrim now that she had the coin; leave it all behind and start fresh in Elsweyr.

She didn't get her fresh start in Elsweyr, but she had the chance to make peace with her past and right the wrongs of her former life.

Skjor said, "Alright, come on, welps! Does no one want to go after these cowards?" None of the Companions spoke. Farkas, Aela and Vilkas were off hunting and it seemed the newer Companions were afraid or disinterested. This one announced, "J'Hirra will do it!" Skjor raised a brow.  
"You just joined us," he told this one, "All you've done is bloody a bard's lip, welp. I send you to that Orc, he'll split you in two." But this one insisted.  
"This one served under him for a year. She knows what he is capable of. Any you send after him may not come back."  
She could hear the whispers and see the disapproving looks, and this one regretted bearing her past. Another Khajiit bandit, they must have thought, and that was not the way this one wanted to be thought of.

"This one wishes to start anew. Let her hunt him down." Skjor shook his head, running his hand through his balding gray hair. He was quiet a moment and this one feared he would give the job to someone else.  
"Fine, it's your funeral, welp. Go out there and end that brute's life before he gets the chance to defend it. But if you die, it's your own fault. Got it?"  
This one snatched up her battle axe and rushed for the doors, passing Farkas, Aela and Vilkas who watched her leave.  
"Skjor, are you serious? She'll die out there!" Vilkas exclaimed and this one's fur bristled.  
She will prove herself today.

This one traveled to the camp, out in the wilds of Whiterun Hold. She was greeted by bandits, a few arrows, and soon by the smell of their blood as she ran her battle axe through them. The smell of beast blood caught her attention, and this one spotted slabs of mammoth meat stacked on a table, along with a few tusks. She ventured down into the mine and found a mammoth dead in the cave and two bandits preparing the beast for supper.

As her eyes scanned the cave, she spotted him off to the side. Burgnash, standing over a tome as green light danced in his palm and converted corundom ore to silver. This one didn't recognize the two other bandits, but one was a spellsword and the other wielded a sword and shield. This one thought it wise to take out the spellsword first; they are deadly with their magic, but most mages wear cloth which makes them easy targets. The sword-and-board type would be a little more challenging, but this one is practiced in swinging a battle axe around a shield and his shield was made of hide, so it would split easily.

This one charged in and leaped from the upper level and landed on top of the spellsword, driving her axe through the top of her skull. As the sword-and-board whirled around, this one readied her weapon...and found it was stuck in the spellsword's skull. Gods, that was embarrassing. The Orc charged her, ready to knock her off her feet with his shield, and on the platform to her left, Burgnash turned her way, warhammer gripped in his hands.  
Knowing she had to act before she was cornered, this one heaved her axe off the ground-still embedded in the spellsword's skull-and swung the weapon, hurling the corpse across the room and into Burgnash. He was thrown off his feet and gave this one just enough time to focus her attention on the Orc.

As she hurled the corpse, her blade caught the side of the shield and he stumbled out of his run. This one took in a breath to steady herself and hurled her body towards him, letting the weight of her axe carry her forward. Her axe cracked through his shield and he fell backwards. This one raised her axe skywards and brought it down on him. The fool tried to block with his broken shield raised over his head. You can imagine what became of his head, yes? It did not look so much like a head anymore. At this point, Burgnash was on his feet and charging her way. He recognized this one. "J'Hirra!" he bellowed, "I hoped you would find me, you traitorous bitch! Let's go; I'll paint the floors with your blood!"

He charged and this one had just enough time to wrench her battle axe from the Orc's skull. She had to block, knowing she had no time to prepare a swing, and his warhammer fell upon the handle of her axe. Her arms trembled under the weight, and she heard the wooden handle of her axe crack under the weight and saw it begin to splinter. "You're a fool to fight me!" He cried, and this one thought that she was, too, but she couldn't run. Not now.

For a horrible moment, she thought her axe would break in two, and that she'd feel her skull cave under the weight of his hammer. If she'd waited too long, that might have been the case. Khajiit threw her foot into his stomach and he stumbled backwards, giving this one the opening she needed. She threw herself forward and though he tried to block, her blade bit into where his neck met his shoulder. If she'd driven it a little deeper, this one might have ended him then and there, but he bashed his warhammer's grip against the handle of this one's axe and threw this one backwards, tearing her axe from his shoulder.

This one does not remember all the details of the fight. It went by so quickly. He was powerful; a single hit from his warhammer knocked the wind from this one's lungs and cracked her armor, pounding into the bones and flesh beneath. She could not stay near him for long and remembers having to bait many of his attacks; a single wrong move on her part would have been the death of her. This one dislikes fighting defensively, but where is the pride in being flattened into a pancake?

His end came when, panting and bloodied, he wound his arms back for a swing and, in his exhausted state, took just a few seconds longer than he should have. This one threw the handle of her axe into his chest and he doubled over. This one charged him and knocked him off his feet. His weapon clattered from his hand and in the last moments of his life, he reached for it as she brought her blade into the back of his neck. He fell beside his weapon, his neck barely attached to his body, and this one sank her blade into the floor and leaned on it, breathless.

She collected herself and left the cave, stepping out into the rain. It has rained countless times in this one's life, but no more rain has felt sweeter.  
That day, the rain washed away all that remained of her past life with the Snowbacks.  
It was the day this one began anew.

When she returned, the Companions looked to the doorway as she entered. Skjor rose, brows furrowed in disbelief, and this one held out the bloodied amulet Burgnash wore, stolen from the corpse of a trader whose caravan and family he'd torn asunder.  
Skjor held up the amulet to the Companions; Aela called out, "I knew you could do it, sister!", Farkas grinned and Vilkas was silent, his pale gray eyes wide. Kodlak smiled, shoulders heaving with suppressed mirth.  
"I told you, Skjor. When are you going to learn to respect your elders?" Kodlak said and Skjor smiled. He has a stern, scarred face, but his smile lit it up and filled this one's chest with warmth and pride. "Well, I'll be damned...You did it, welp."

The hall erupted with cheers and this one realized she hadn't proven herself; she'd come home.

Skjor then said, "And with Burgnash dead, you've proven yourself worthy."  
"So, this one will join the Companions, yes?"  
"No. Not yet, welp. But you alone have proven yourself worthy of your first trial. Hear that, you welps? Get your act together!" The others groaned and expressed their shock. Njada Stonearm looked ready to start breathing fire. Skjor continued by telling this one, "A scholar came to us. He told us he knows the location of a fragment of Wuuthrad. Tomorrow morning, you're going to bring honor to the Companions, and Ysgramor himself, and retrieve it."

This one has since learned Wuuthrad is an ancient weapon, wielded long ago by the founder of the Companions, Ysgramor. The Companions seek out fragments of the weapon to honor him. It sounds important-so many of the welps expressed disappointment that they hadn't been chosen, and some tried to argue with Skjor, but he shot them down with a glare- and Khajiit is to go to a Nordic crypt with Farkas in search of it. Another crypt…

As he left, Skjor clapped a hand upon this one's shoulder and looked at her with pride in his eyes. "Not many outsiders to this land come to us with the blood of a Nord burning in their veins. We need more like you here, J'Hirra."  
This one is no Nord, but she will accept the compliment. It has been a long time since she has felt like her worth was seen past her fur and claws. Perhaps she has found a home here after all. Skjor is a good man. He helped this one break free from the chains of her past, and gave her the opportunity to prove herself. She will respect him for that. His race matters not. He choose this one for her skill, and what she looked like mattered little. She should give him the same respect.

Farkas says that if he deems J'Hirra honorable, she may be able to join the Companions. How exciting. But something is very mysterious about these Companions.  
Aela and Farkas go out at night and don't return until the break of dawn. They come back smelling like fresh kill. And the Stupid Dog, Vilkas…he is strange indeed. Khajiit was unable to sleep again, the voices were talking all at once, calling her to them. So she got up to find a nice, quiet place to write this journal. The door to Vilkas' room was open. He was sitting on his bed, half-naked and covered up in bear-skin blankets, reading. _Reading_! He spotted Khajiit staring and gave a start. His face colored, as if he were embarrassed.

"What? I can't sleep!" He said in his thick, Nordic accent.

"Khajiit never saw you as the reading type. Only as the stupid type." J'Hirra told him and he said,  
"Well, I am—the reading type, not the stupid type, of course. There's as much to be gained from reading as there is from fighting. Words can cut just as strong as a blade. They can make you wiser, too. I've tried to tell my soft-headed brother to read, but he hasn't the patience for it."

Khajiit was curious about what he was reading and walked closer to his bed. He turned the book cover away from J'Hirra, glaring at her with those bright grey eyes of his.

"It's not The Lusty Argonian Maid, is it?" This one asked him and Vilkas barked, "Why would I waste time reading that filth?" He rotated his body away from her, but this one was still able to read the pages. She isn't the best reader but it was a very dirty book; that much was for certain! Just to mock him, Khajiit read aloud what she could understand;  
"I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!  
Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.  
But it is huge! It could take me all night!  
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time."

Khajiit laughed so hard, she almost died! Vilkas turned the color of a tomato and practically threw this one from his room, screaming at her to get out. He told her that if she ever told anyone, he would kill her, and slammed the door to his room. Khajiit believes he was going to polish his own spear to that filthy book! Ha!


	5. Entry 4 The Trial

Entry 4.

Morndas, 18th of Last Seed

J'Hirra was terrified to enter the crypt with Farkas.

The dead do not scare her, even though the Nordic dead are up and about in their crypts, fighting those who enter. There was another voice, coming from deep within the crypt; Yol. But she didn't have the option of running away, not if she wanted to prove her honor and join the Companions. So, sweating cold sweat and feeling sick as the chanting of Yol got louder in her head, J'Hirra entered Dustman's Cairn with Farkas. But we were not alone; someone had been digging within the crypt, searching for something, and we found out who soon enough.

This one and Farkas fought our way through undead and arrived in a room with two gates. One gate was open, a lever visible within, and another was shut. J'Hirra thought that pulling the lever would open the other gate, and it did—but it trapped her inside! Farkas told her to sit tight, that he would help, and a group of warriors emerged from the darkness.

They all wielded silver swords and they looked like no bandits Khajiit had ever seen. These were well-trained killers and they out-numbered Farkas. Khajiit thought for certain that he was done for, and that once he was dead, they would kill her, ad for reasons she did not understand. Then, the unthinkable happened; Farkas turned into a werewolf! He slaughtered all of them, ran off, and pulled the lever. Khajiit was sure he would come back and kill her, that all along this was a trap; the Companions lure people into their organization and kill them! That makes little sense, yes, but it was what was going through J'Hirra's head at the time!

She drew her weapon but when Farkas appeared, he was human again. He told this one that Vilkas, Aela, Skjor and Kodlak are all werewolves!  
That explains the dog smell and the ungodly hours they spend out at night!  
Khajiit was worried they would turn her into one, but Farkas assured her that only members of the Circle had the beast blood. Good, Khajiit does not wish to become a great, smelly dog.

But to see him transform like that and become the embodiment of raw power…that was something else entirely! The group that tried to kill Farkas was called the Silver Hand; as Farkas says they are 'bad people who don't like werewolves'. You don't say. Farkas and this one fought their way through the crypt; the whole time, the chant of 'yol' got stronger in this one's mind, but she was able to ignore it and concentrate on the fighting.

Then we reached the main burial chamber filled with coffins, and the chanting was so loud and so compelling, Khajiit could not ignore it. A great wall stood in the center of the room, words were carved into it; no…scratched into it, as if a great claw had written them into the stone. One word stuck out and called J'Hirra to it; Yol. She could not resist. She went right up to the word-wall and felt the very essence of the word fill her with blazing heat so intense, she thought she would burn alive. But she felt powerful, so powerful that she knew the flames burning in her mind wouldn't kill her. Because she was the master of the word.

And then the flames stopped, the word stopped glowing and the chanting in her head of 'yol' stopped. The word was in her mind, but for some reason, she couldn't speak it. Well, she could, but she had the feeling that somehow, she wasn't meant to, not yet. This one picked up the fragment of Wuuthrad and every coffin in the room burst open and the dead streamed out.

It was a fight to remember; Farkas and this one stood side by side and fought for our lives and didn't stop until every undead in the room was…well, dead again. But the final undead to rise was different. He shouted a word at us, one that pulled J'Hirra's weapon from her claws! Farkas distracted him long enough for J'Hirra to get her weapon back and end the fight.

That word the undead used…J'Hirra hears it, too; faintly, so faintly. Perhaps, if she searches hard enough, she may find another a way to use that power, too?

Anyway, J'Hirra and Farkas returned to Jorrvaskr and J'Hirra was made one of the Companions. The initiation ceremony was in the courtyard under the moonlight. Farkas announced this one honorable and that he would gladly fight by her side. His words stoked her ego very much. Kodlak welcomed her into the Companions but was reluctant to speak of the beastblood. He is trying to cure himself, for he wishes for Sovngarde, some Nordic afterlife or something. It is probably very stinky up there.

Khajiit does not remember the after party, but she woke up early this morning on the floor in her undergarments and with the taste of vomit in her mouth. Not a victory taste but this one still hoped for the best. This one had a terrible headache-thankfully it has subsided by now-and she woke up with a bump the size of an egg on her head and two broken bottles tied on top of her head! Farkas had similar adornments. Farkas tells this one we pretended to be a pair of Elk. That would explain the bump.  
"Farkas, did this one win?"  
"I dunno. You, Torvar, and my brother were the only ones who kept drinkin'. You and Vilkas got drunk and Torvar challenged you to name all the 500 Companions of Ysgramor, or at least ten. Whoever lost would lose articles of clothing."  
This one was sure her mouth had fallen down to her knees.  
"Well, turns out neither of you can hold your liquor, and my brother ain't quite so smart after he's had a few drinks..."  
"We were both _naked_?" This one almost screamed, her hand over her mouth. This was not the outcome she had ever wanted! Thank the Moons she was too hungover to remember any of it!  
"Well, undergarments is as far as it got. He counted all your stripes; a total of 50, or something like that. You braided his chest hair, and it was kinda uncomfortable to watch since he's my brother and all, you two danced on the table and sang Ragnar the Red, oh and then you both threw up, passed out, and Torvar went to bed still sober." No...how could this one lose to Torvar of all people? It is unforgivable!

This one could take no more and demanded him to stop. He had to be joking, yes? This one would never touch Vilkas or his chest hair...or let him see this one naked!

As this one finished buckling her armor and found her weapon, this one was approached by Vilkas. It surprised Khajiit to admit this, but he apologized.

He said, "I misjudged you. You watched my brother's back and I'm grateful, and you brought honor to us by bringing the fragment of Wuuthrad to us. So there. You happy, now?"  
"Ah, it is good you admitted such. J'Hirra was about to go and tell Aela what a dirty, dirty man you are."  
His bared his teeth in a grin and said, "Those are fighting words, cat. Want to take this outside?"

J'Hirra found that she did. Vilkas and this one fought long and hard under the dying sun, our blades clashing and ringing throughout the city.  
But in the end, it was a draw; his blade was at J'Hirra's throat, her blade at his.

Forgive J'Hirra, Mother, but this one feels respect for this man. He doesn't take any of J'Hirra's taunts and instead, dishes them right back with honesty and fire. And yet, Khajiit feels like he respects her, too. Otherwise, why would he—proud, stubborn dog that he is—have apologized and admitted he was wrong?

Now, J'Hirra feels it. We are equals.


	6. Entry 5 Skjor's Offer

Entry 5

Tirdas, 19th of Last Seed

This one has slept much better since Dustman's Cairn. The whisper of Yol that was always so near has at last faded! Yet, she still hears more of them. Mother, what does this mean?

This morning J'Hirra went for a walk through Whiterun. She is slowly getting used to being in a city again after so many years. At first it was quite confusing and overwhelming. Khajiit has met many new faces; the court wizard sent her to deliver salts to the alchemist who it turns out is infatuated with him. Why, Khajiit cannot understand.

The town trader is run by a creepy Breton whose voice drips with slime, and who undoubtedly has corpses hidden in his basement.

There's a town blacksmith, Adriana, but Eorlund Graymane is the best; he smithed this one a fine battle axe after her initiation, one she cares for even more than her old one. J'Hirra overheard his wife, Fralia, being bullied by the Battle-Born clan. Her son went to fight under Ulfric's banner, but so what? The death of one's child should never be mocked, especially not to the face of his mother! This one thinks that the politics of this land are stupid; being a Stormcloak nor Imperial should be the difference between life and death. We are all people past our beliefs, no?

But as this one walked the roads today and spotted Thalmor patrol after Thalmor patrol, each dragging a Nord bound and chained to the Mane knows where, it made her fur bristle. Yes, perhaps the Khajiit and the Nords have a common enemy. This one can almost sympathize with their anger. Perhaps not all Nords have it as well as this Khajiit thought. Doesn't mean you'll catch this one bowing to their every whim.

But on the matter of Battle-Borns', Khajiit was tasked with rescuing one of their family by Vilkas (Idolaf, one of the men who teased Eorlund's wife. She was tempted to leave him to rot). This one charmed Vilkas' breeches off with her rescue! He was very proud and afterwards, we sparred for a bit. It's almost as if our first meeting has never happened. We trade biting remarks and insults and yet they make this one's heart pound when he counters this Khajiit's insult with a cocky smile.

By the Moons, this one sounds smitten with him. Not possible. A Khajiit and a Nord…This one's mother would never allow such a thing. But it doesn't matter. J'Hirra has no feelings for the Stupid Dog. Heh. Khajiit giggles now because that nickname actually makes sense now!

J'Hirra went to Skjor and he asked for this one to meet him and Aela at this Underforge at nightfall.

Khajiit has a feeling she knows what to expect.

He means to change this one's form. To make a Khajiit a werewolf. Such a thing should sound shameful—a fine cat becoming a drooling, smelly, dog. Yet when this one remembers Farkas' claws tearing through those Silverhand…it sends a shiver down this one's spine. If he asks, could this one bring herself to refuse such raw power? This one is not sure, but tonight it will be made clear.

This one shall write more tomorrow. She will have so much to talk about.


	7. Entry 6 The Circle is Broken

Entry 6

Middas, 20th of Last Seed

Skjor is dead. Gods. Writing those words felt so horrible. Like they've been made more real by acknowledging them. This one knew him a short time, but he believed in her. Because of him and his trust in her, this one was given a chance to put her past to rest. She never would have been given that chance; none of the Circle trusted her like Skjor did in that moment. She will always be grateful to him.

He also gave this one a great gift, but she remembers little of her first transformation.

Just the taste of blood.

When this one woke up, she found herself in the wild with Aela outside a fort called Gallows Rock. We were to follow Skjor inside and kill the Silverhand and their leader stationed within. This one shifted her form and charged inside. She can recall the taste of blood, the crunch of bone under her teeth, the rush of wind in her fur, but little else. When she came to, the Silverhand lay dead around her and Skjor was lying at her feet. This one thought Skjor was sleeping; it just didn't make sense.

This one began to shake, her breath turned to sharp gasps, and her heart beat so fast, this one thought it would stop; for a horrible moment, she thought she'd killed him. It is possible. Aela mentioned before this one turned that some can't separate the beast from themselves, and this one feared she may not have the strength to control herself.

"Shield-Sister, you are not to blame. It was these bastards; the Silverhand. Somehow they managed to kill Skjor! He should not have come alone. I should have been here, I..." Aela's voice trembled and she ordered this one away.

This one wanted to blame herself. Perhaps if Aela hadn't stayed with her to help her after her transformation, she'd have been able to help Skjor.

When this one entered Jorrvaskr afterwards, it felt like something was missing.  
Since Khajiit was the first to return, it was she who spread the word of his death. Kodlak, great, powerful and wise that he is, looked weak and empty inside after this one told him. He said little, just to go and grieve in whatever way this one could.

This one told the others, then brought the news to the twins. Farkas could say little, just that he needed his brother. Vilkas' face barely changed at all and yet the way his voice shook…It stirred something inside this one's soul to hear him so heartbroken, to imagine the grief and the pain he was fighting back. This one wishes to go to him now and comfort him, but she knows it would dishonor him.

Once she was alone in her room, this one began to weep. This one wept for her shield-family; wept for their pain, their heartache, their grief and their loss. It has been so long since this one shed any tears. She wishes now to only bring comfort to them all in any way possible by putting Skjor's killers to rest.

Damn the Silverhand! Damn them. Whatever have the Companions done to them?

They will suffer, they will bleed and even if this one remembers little of the event, they will die by the fangs of the very beast they hunt!

Aela has since returned to Jorrvaskr and revealed the location of a group of Silverhand hiding in Hjaalmarch. This one heads there as soon as possible. They will pay dearly for Skjor's murder.

Mother, this one has found home.

When this one stepped through the gates of Whiterun, she felt at peace and safe and when she arrived at the meadhall, that feeling grew. This one has found kinship and family to share her dreams with, her hopes with, her grief with, and J'Hirra will never be alone again.

The other day, this one found the sword of some useless Redguard that approached her a few days ago for help finding it. This one supposes that is an honorable task, yes? He will feed his family with it. Even such small accomplishments brings this Khajiit joy, for now she knows that those accomplishments bring pride to those closest to her, too. Yes, even Vilkas.

Perhaps this one will even admit that it makes this Khajiit smile to imagine it brings pride to Vilkas; she hopes so, especially in these dark days.  
Even if he doesn't care at all, the idea warms her, every part…that stupid dog.


	8. Entries 7-8 Kodlak's Request

Entry 7

Turdas, 21st of Last Seed

Today, this one traveled to Orothiem, a bandit den on the outskirts of Rorikstead. There, she slaughtered the Silverhand and did not change to her beast form. This one wanted to remember every second. Their leader put up a good fight, but he was cut down like the bastard he is—was. But even a dead bastard is still a bastard, no? This one returned to the village to rest for the night.

Alas, she does not sleep well in new environments. This one arrived in the inn, had a sweetroll, drank some mead and was approached by a kitten-faced lad, a farmer, practically begging this one to convince his father to let him leave the farm and be an adventurer much like this fine Khajiit telling the story. This one was very tired and still in mourning, but could not resist such a sweet face.

The Nords may not be J'Hirra's favorite kind of people, but something about them _is_ rather attractive. This one supposes she has always had a thing for scruffy men. But must all of them stink of mead and body odor? Why don't they groom themselves like Khajiit do? It would not kill them! Anyway, Khajiit went ahead and gave the boy's father gold for armor. She will just get more anyway; the Silverhand should just be called the Goldhand at this point.

The world of Skyrim is harsh and bitter cold and makes this one's heart cry for the warm sands of Khenarthi's Roost, but it is also a place of beauty, majesty and possibility. If one wishes to explore it, why should they be forced to spend their life on a farm? The world is beautiful, full of adventure, life, and people both good and bad. Strong people with fires in their hearts, passion in their souls.

Dammit, this one is thinking of Vilkas again! By the Twin Moons, what is the matter with this one? Now, Khajiit will sleep and return home to Jorrvaskr.

Entry 8

Fredas, 22nd of Last Seed

As part of a job for the Companions, this one rescued a member of the Battleborn family ( _again_ , by the Twin Moons how useless are these people?) from bandits looking to ransom her. Khajiit escorted her to Whiterun, and this one's favorite part, returned to Vilkas. He was waiting right by the door, the way a dog awaits it master, yes? Quite endearing! This one even teased him about the comparison and his ears turned red. How sweet.

* * *

Something unexpected happened. Just as Khajiit finished writing those last few words, Aela came in and said that this one was to report to Kodlak. As Khajiit seated herself across the old Nord, she felt the deepest shame. All along, she thought she was avenging Skjor and bringing peace to her Shield-Family and instead, Kodlak was saddened because Aela and J'Hirra had claimed more lives than honor demanded.

This one feels terrible. J'Hirra hopes that he doesn't feel like Skjor is blaming him for our actions. But the self pity can wait, yes? For this one has a task, an important one. Despite his disappointment, Kodlak instructed this Khajiit to go alone to a cave in the pine forest, Glenmoril Coven. He says that the Companions some 200 years ago were deceived into accepting what they thought was just a temporary blessing in the form of the wolf blood. The witches didn't tell them it was permanent.

Kodlak longs for a place in the Nordic afterlife and he cannot go there if his spirit belongs to a Daedric Lord.

This one's heart aches for him. He is wiser than anyone this Khajiit knows; he is strong, noble and warm and like the father this one never had. He deserves to die in peace. This Khajiit is honored to be the one to set his spirit free. It is the least she can do to repay him for all he has done, no? He has done much in only a few days for this one. He has given her purpose, a family, friends, and that means much to this one, who for so long was without any of those things.

This one will leave now and hunt those witches down! For Kodlak, for the Companions!

* * *

It is done. Khajiit killed them all for their foul trickery and deceit. Now, to return to Jorrvaskr and give Kodlak this amazing news.  
Finally, he can be cured and, when his time comes, go to Sovengarde like he always wanted. A perfect outcome, no?


	9. Entry 9 Regret and Revelations

Entry 9  
Loredas, 23rd of Last Seed

It has been such long day but Khajiit cannot sleep, so writing this in the darkest hours of the night is all she can do. Besides, the Stupid Dog snores.

This one slew a Giant for the first time. This one and Vilkas were traveling to the Silverhand liar, yes, and we saw bandits harassing the Giant and his herd of Mammoth. This one thought only to help, but was perhaps mistaken for a bandit, for the Giant came running at her, waving his club. Khajiit fled (but very bravely, yes?) to a cliff side where the Giant could not reach, there she pelted him with arrows. He climbed up and this one fired an arrow into his knee, certain that that would be the last arrow she ever fired!

T'was not, for the Giant fell and Khajiit brought her battle axe into his skull. It was a terrifying, but truly thrilling, moment! Then, as Vilkas and this one approached Whiterun, we stumbled across a fool and his coffin. His wagon had broken down. The man was…truly creepy but this one felt obligated to persuade the nearby farmer to help repair his wagon. What an interesting fool; a jester in Skyrim? And why was he transporting a coffin across Skyrim? Disturbing, no?

Oh. There is no point. No point in trying to recall the better moments of today. There is no easy way to write this.

It pains this one to recount this night, but she must. When Khajiit returned to Jorrvaskr, the head of Glenmoril Witch in her pack, the Silverhand had paid a visit.

No one was hurt, but Kodlak was killed and Khajiit wasn't there to defend him, something Vilkas so kindly pointed out.  
It is a tragedy. His wish was never granted and it keeps this one up and makes bitter tears burn in her eyes even while she writes.

He deserved to be free. He gave this one so much and she couldn't help him in return and it pains this one so, Mother.  
J'Hirra is ashamed and heartbroken. She failed to help you and she has failed to help Kodlak.  
Khajiit and Vilkas tracked the last of the Silverhand to their fort. We killed them, we got all the fragments of Wuuthrad back that they stole, but this one cannot have peace knowing that Kodlak is in the Hungry Cat's hunting grounds forever.  
Vilkas is ashamed, too. He told this one so before he drifted off as we lay together after Kodlak's funeral;

"We shouldn't have killed them, cat. We shouldn't have. That isn't what the old man would have wanted. I knew it wasn't and I let hatred and my lust for vengeance cloud my judgment. I always do that. I let him down again."

He's right. Khajiit knew, even as we we're slicing and dicing them, that Kodlak wouldn't have approved.  
This one told Vilkas he wasn't only to blame, but he'd already drifted off. This one is surprised by the depth of this man's thoughts. He's not who this one thought he was.

After we returned from the Silverhand camp, this one went to see if he'd bandaged his wounds. He hadn't, of course, he never listens. He was just sitting on his bed in his undergarments, deep in thought. Of course, Khajiit knocked him upside the head and set to work on his wounds.  
"I'm sorry." he told this one. This one looked into his eyes and those gray eyes were shining with remorse and full of sincerity.  
"I didn't mean to make it sound like I was blaming you for the old man's death. It wasn't your fault at all."  
There was a tremor in his voice and it made this one's eyes burn. He went on, bitter anger and grief in his voice,  
"I was there with him when they charged in. I was right beside him and I let him—,"

He couldn't continue. He wasn't crying, but he was close and J'Hirra couldn't manage to tell him he wasn't responsible.  
Tonight we were closer than we'd ever been; we'd both lost the only man we'd come close to calling 'father'. Khajiit didn't want to leave him alone with his grief like she had with Skjor so she pulled his head down to her shoulder before he could move away. She held him there and told him, "It wasn't your fault." Tears spilled from this one's eyes and onto his shoulder but it was fine because at least he couldn't see it. For a long time he was still as the grave, then he put his arms—thick and strong and comforting—around J'Hirra's shoulders and held on tightly as he wept.

It was comforting.

J'Hirra can't remember the last time she was held.

She doesn't know how long we held one another. Probably for hours. Then we curled up in his bed beneath his bear-skin blankets. He fell asleep a while ago and this one is exhausted. As she writes this, Vilkas' arms are around her in his sleep. His body is warm and thick and strong. If such a tragedy hadn't befallen us, would we ever have been able to lay like this? Khajiit wishes it could have happened under better circumstances.

Wait, did Khajiit want this all along? Did she want to be held by this big, stupid, smelly dog all this time? This one is turning into such a sap.  
She will kill a bandit tomorrow. Perhaps that will take away these stupid feelings.

Mother, this one is sorry but she simply can't agree with you anymore. Not all Nords are bad. Some of them are wonderful, strong, and passionate. To continue to believe such things would mean to renounce this man and all that he is that this one adores so, and this one cannot bear to do such a thing.

She is sorry, Mother, but perhaps one day, you will understand, yes?

Rest in Peace, Kodlak. You will never be forgotten. Tomorrow, this one will go to the Underforge to grieve your loss separately with the Circle.


	10. Entry 10 For Kodlak

Entry 10

Sundas, 24th Of Last Seed

On this day, Khajiit will go to the Underforge to grieve Kodlak. His funeral was held the night before; his body laid to rest on a pyre over the flames of the Skyforge. The Companions gathered and said their farewells, and this one and Vilkas stood close together as Kodlak's body burned.

This one longed to take his hand and offer comfort, she was certainly close enough to do so, but knew from the grief shining in his eyes that he needed his space. This one recalls before heading to bed that Eorlund asked for one final shard of Wuuthrad, one that Kodlak kept in his chambers. Khajiit is in no hurry to go to Kodlak's room or through his things, but she must. She will touch nothing but the shard.

* * *

Ahh, what an exhausting day. This morning, J'Hirra awoke and found Vilkas gone. She remember Eorlund's request and went to fetch Kodlak's shard of Wuuthrad. She found a journal in his drawer with her name in it and could not resist reading. He'd seen this one in a dream, a dream in which he challenged the beasts of Hircine's hunting grounds when his time came for death, and with this one at his side!

It breaks this ones heart and makes it whole again to know how highly he thought of this one, how much he believed in her, trusted her, and admired her. He dreamed that this one would break the curse over him and even wanted J'Hirra to lead the Companions! How he believed in her…it brought tears to this one's eyes. No one has ever thought so highly of her.

Khajiit met her shield-siblings in the Underforge and Vilkas didn't meet her eyes as he spoke of how he believed Kodlak had mentioned a way to be cleansed, even in death. Khajiit wanted to smack him upside the head for never mentioning it before! Aela believed the place he could be cured was Ysgramor's tomb. Eorlund appeared with Wuuthrad, fully repaired, which he bequeathed to J'Hirra and together, this one and her companions traveled to Ysgramor's tomb.

There, Vilkas led this one aside and confessed that he felt unworthy of entering the tomb after our actions against the Silverhand. This one understood, of course, and he demanded that she come back in one piece to tell him everything. This one believes he was worried. Stupid, endearing Dog.

This one ventured into the tomb with Wuuthrad, Aela, and Farkas and battled the ancient Companion's spirits. It was challenging, probably the hardest fight this one has had yet! Farkas refused the go further. The icebrain has a fear of spiders. Funny, no? Khajiit will certainly not use that against him in the future. Aela and this one fought on until at last, Kodlak was found. Or, his spirit, yes?

Khajiit was overjoyed to see him again. He explained he was here with the other Harbingers, hiding from Hircine's wrath. Khajiit could not see any of these Harbingers, but Kodlak believes it is because this one's heart knows only him. He is the only one she cares to know, aside from Ysgramor himself, of course. "You've brought honor to us, J'Hirra," he told this one and her heart swelled with pride, "You still have the witches' heads? Throw one into the fires, and the ritual will be complete." Yes, this one still had the witch head...It was sitting in a sack in her backpack this whole time. She almost forgot. Yuck...

This one cast the witch's head into the fire and Kodlak's body trembled as a ephemeral wolf burst from his chest and tore across the ground towards J'Hirra. Khajiit blocked as it's teeth closed around the handle of her axe and tugged, claws tearing at her chest. Aela rushed in and drove her dagger into the beast's side, and as it stumbled away with a yelp, this one raised her axe over her head and swung it down into the wolf's skull!

Kodlak was freed, and Khajiit was finally able to repay her debt to him. He disappeared with a smile, promising to fight alongside this one when her time came to join him in liberating the other harbinger's from the Hungry Cat's hunting grounds. Now, that will be the adventure of this one's lifetime; to fight by his side as she never got to in life, coursing together through the Hungry Cat's hunting grounds. She shivers to think of it...

Before he vanished, he told this one to lead the Companions to further glory, and this one fully intends to. She spoke to Vilkas and Farkas and Aela about the coming change in leadership. Aela found this one worthy, Farkas was agreeable as always, and to this one's surprise, Vilkas said, "If you'd have told me a few weeks ago that some outsider would become Harbinger, I'd have slit your throat. But your honor is apparent to all. There is no one else I'd trust with the Companions' leadership. The old man made the right choice."

This one still smiles to think back on the warmth in his voice.  
Now this one will sleep at the inn in Winterhold and travel to Whiterun in the morning. So much has happened and only in a week!

By the Twin Moons...They really let someone they've known for a week become _Harbinger_ of the _Companions_? When this one thinks about it...is it not a little strange?  
Is this one ready for such a task? Surely, Kodlak would not have entrusted her with the Companions' leadership if he didn't believe this one worthy! This one will trust the old man's judgement, or else she might feel a tad bit overwhelmed by her sudden new position...


	11. Entries 11-12 Purity (First Verse)

Entry 11

Tirdas, 26th of Last Seed

This one ran into Vilkas and the others on the way home from Ysgramor's tomb yesterday morning, and Vilkas confessed that he would be eager to travel with the new Harbinger and to learn from them. To learn from this one? But this one is still so fresh-faced compared to him. He truly respects this one's prowess in combat as to wish to learn from this Khajiit? Truly? This one's ego has grown immensely from that conversation alone! This one wishes to travel with him more. He's very serious and always in a rush to get where we're going, but this one imagines he must have a playful streak beneath all that seriousness.

This one and Aela have undertaken a quest to locate the Totems of Hircine. Khajiit is not sure what they are or what they do, except that they supposedly can give their one's werewolf abilities a boost. We took a carriage to Solitude, the driver told this one it is the Capitol of Skyrim. Interesting that the capitol of Skyrim is run by Imperials. The Nords probably hate that. In any case, this totem is hidden in a cave on the other side of the mountain. In anycase, this one and Aela have found the totem and when we took it back to the Underforge, Khajiit used it and…nothing happened, yes? Absolutely nothing. Perhaps once this one transforms, she will be able to tell if a difference has been made.

Before this one went to bed, Farkas came to this one with a request. He wishes to be clean, like Kodlak. Khajiit does not know if Vilkas is aware of his brother's wish but that is Farkas' concern, no? This one should rest up. Tomorrow this one travels with Farkas to the tomb again. Khajiit wonders if Vilkas will be angry for not knowing about this. She hopes not.

Entry 12

Middas, 27th of Last Seed

Today, Khajiit traveled with Farkas to Glenmoril Coven and then to the tomb of Ysgramor.

Much happened on the road; an Argonian tried to rob this one and shortly after not one, but two assassins tried to kill this one! Assassins form the Dark Brotherhood. This one used to be a bandit, but never had assassins after her during that time. Now, when she is on an honorable path, assassins go after her?

It makes no sense. This one cannot imagine who would hate this one enough to want her dead. Unless it was Idolaf Battle-Born. That milk-drinker. Every time he sees Khajiit, he threatens to bash her face in and for what? Disagreeing on politics! Of course this one favors the Gray-Manes; Eorlund is a good man and an excellent smith, and the Battle-Borns taunt his wife and possibly kidnapped his son. Just whose side _should_ Khajiit be on, hmm?

These assassins could be a problem. Khajiit needs to stay alive and lead the Companions, not be assassinated! Farkas is a good traveling companion. He says little but he did say that Khajiit has been a 'good friend and that that means something to me'. How sweet, much sweeter than his brother by far. Yet still Khajiit prefers Vilkas' company.

We arrived at the tomb and Khajiit discovered yet another of those word-walls with the bizarre writing on it through a door leading to a hill above the tomb. Khajiit cannot read what is on those walls, but it filled her with something powerful and yet she feels she is lacking the ability to use said power. Strange. Farkas didn't seem affected by it either though he did say that the word-wall was made by the ancient Nords who worshipped dragons but that he knew little else. That's not all he knows little of, bless his soul.

We went down into the tomb and performed the ritual and Farkas' beast blood was cleansed. Khajiit personally could never cleanse the beast blood from her body. It is a gift, this one truly believes so. But then again, this one isn't a Nord and longing for the Nordic afterlife upon death. At least Farkas can be at peace.

Khajiit wonders if Vilkas will wish for the same thing. Such a thing saddens this one. Khajiit longs to hunt alongside him but he just cannot accept that part of himself. Strange, not long ago this one couldn't find a thing she liked about him, now she feels there isn't a thing she would change. Except his snoring. How has this come to pass?


	12. Entry 13 Purity (Second Verse)

Entry 13

Loredas, 30th of Last Seed

Farkas spoke to Vilkas of his cleansed blood. To this one's surprise, Vilkas wished for J'Hirra to accompany him for his own ritual. Khajiit expected him to ask his brother. When this one asked why he chose J'Hirra, he shrugged and said, "You've done it twice now. You know the ropes so I'd trust you over Farkas in this matter."

After this one and Vilkas claimed a witch head, this one felt the urge to speak to him. She asked, "Are you sure about this? There's no reclaiming your beast blood. Unless, of course, you wish for this one to bite you." Khajiit could not help eyeing his throat. His Adam's Apple stands out and when he swallows, she notices it.  
"I'm fine with that." Vilkas replied and this one couldn't help but smirk.  
"Fine with what, the biting or—?"  
Vilkas' face colored and he amended, "I'm fine with my decision! Like I'd let your teeth anywhere near my neck!"

Khajiit almost broke down laughing but refrained from doing so. This one performed the ritual and together we slew the beast inside Vilkas. When we were finished, he looked near faint. Khajiit asked if he was alright and he didn't reply, not at once. He breathed in deeply as he straightened up and said, his voice dazed and yet full of happiness this one had never heard before, "It's like…waking up out of a dream."

He was quiet for a moment and then smiled. It was a sad smile and yet Khajiit believes it to be more beautiful than the northern lights.  
That was the first time she'd seen him smile.  
"It's a shame. I can't smell your heart beating when I talk to you anymore."

Khajiit felt a rush of heat up her backside to the tips of her ears. He could smell that?  
"You are joking, yes? Shall this one mention the way your heart beats whenever this one talks to you?"  
Vilkas chuckled and laid his hand upon this one's head. It was large and warm and yes, this one was happy he could no longer smell her heart beating because it beat faster and harder at his touch and he would have laughed at her for sure.

J'Hirra snatched his hand off her head and held it tightly. Perhaps he would not laugh if his fingers were a little crushed. This, of course, turned into an arm wrestling competition and we wrestled one another to the floor. As this one has mentioned, we are near equal in strength and tired one another out and sat in the chamber together. He was smiling even as he was breathless. He looked this one in the eyes with that gentle smile of his and said, "I feel so free. You have done me a great service, Harbinger. I won't soon forget it."

His eyes didn't leave this one's as he spoke, as if he were promising this to her. J'Hirra began to feel hot around the ears so she stood but he didn't. He told this one that he wished to stay for a little while. "My blood is clean now and maybe Ysgramor will welcome me with open arms when my time comes." He sounded so relieved.

Khajiit has never seen him so soft before. Like a big puppy, yes? Well, maybe not a dog anymore. Ah, how sad, Khajiit can no longer use that pet name for him anymore. This one will have to think of another


	13. Entry 14 Under the Moonlight

Entry 14

Sundas, 31st of Last Seed

Farkas informed this one of some bandits camped up in Eastmarch. If Khajiit had known how close to Windhelm that was, she would have given the job to someone else. After what happened there, this one never wanted to return. So Khajiit brought some company in the form of Vilkas—still need a new name for him— to go and crush some skulls with.

We arrived at the bandit liar within a few hours. When Khajiit saw Windhelm on the horizon, she wanted to turn around and leave. She kept going and just didn't look at it. Khajiit transformed once in the cave and remembers little but woke up bleeding heavily with dead bandits around her. Vilkas was furious.

"I told you to wait for me, stupid cat!" he raged and there was something more than anger in his voice. J'Hirra laughed at him. He was worried? How cute. Cursing this one, he carried her from the cave and to the nearest lumbermill. From the mill, Khajiit could see Windhelm and this desperation to just get away rose up inside her. The Nord working the mill brought bandages and Vilkas refused to return to Whiterun until this one's wounds were patched up.

Khajiit got quite course with Vilkas, for she just wanted to leave; injuries be damned. This one would have walked home bleeding from the ears if it meant getting away. Vilkas caught on. He asked, voice worn and angry and yet concerned, "Ysmir's beard, woman, what is the matter with you? All day long you've been like this!" Khajiit regrets that she got so impatient with him. "It's not your concern, stupid dog! J'Hirra's problems are hers alone!"

After all these years, just thinking about it still hurts. Khajiit was only worried about being weak before him by the memories. Vilkas snapped at this one but there was more than just anger in his voice now,  
"Dammit, cat, we're shield-siblings; your problems are my problems! Being a Companion is more than just drunken brawls and bandit hunting! It means having a shoulder to lean on so you don't have to carry the world on your own!"  
"Just because we're shied-siblings doesn't mean this one has to tell you everything!"  
"I know that, but by the Gods, I thought we were—," he stopped there and J'Hirra felt guilty when she saw the emotions blazing in his eyes.  
"What?"  
"I thought we were friends, stupid cat... I entrusted you with my burden and you freed me from it. That meant something to me. I only wanted to do the same for you, but fine. I was foolish and wrong."

There was shame in his voice and J'Hirra couldn't bear it. We are friends. Maybe we didn't start off that way, but we are now and Khajiit can't bear the idea of losing him. Before he could leave, this one called him back and though he was angry and embarrassed, he came. Khajiit told him everything about her life in Windhelm, and her mother's fate there.

She confessed to him her guilt at being so helpless, she confessed that she'd felt like a burden for her mother because after all, if she hadn't gotten sick, her mother never would have begged for shelter within the walls. That horrible, horrible man never would have turned this one's mother's good intentions against her. Vilkas listened respectfully. The northern lights came out above us and this one took solace in watching them.

"That's terrible. I'm sorry." Vilkas' voice was strangely quiet. Khajiit isn't sorry. She's never told a soul and she likely never will again. Somehow, it was comforting to tell him all this. He listened without interruption. "This one thanks you for listening, Vilkas." He replied, "You won't believe me, but none of that was your fault."

To hear those words brought such relief to J'Hirra's heart that it was an effort to fight back the tears. After so many years of blaming herself for her weakness, such a thought had become a part of her. Yet to hear those words made Khajiit almost believe them. His hand fell upon her shoulder, gently at first and when J'Hirra didn't push him away, he slid it across her shoulder.

"Truly? You believe that?" This hopes he didn't see her crying. How embarrassing would that be?

"Aye. I do. No one is to blame but the bastard that did such a horrible thing." He spoke with anger in his voice and held her closer. Silence fell between us.  
He then said something unexpected, "Ever been to Riften? It's a shady place but it is home to the Black-Briar Meadery. Best mead in Skyrim. Wanna head there? I could use a drink." Khajiit almost smiled. He was trying to cheer this one up. How could she say no to that excited face?

They have the same eyes. Vilkas and that man. Yet they are different in so many ways. That man's eyes were cold as steel and so full of hatred. Vilkas' eyes shine like the moonlight and though this one always thought of grey as such a cold, hateful color, his eyes are so warm and when he looks at this one, they are gentle and kind like the soul within them.

By the Twin Moons, Mother, this man is unlike anyone Khajiit will ever find anywhere


	14. Entry 15 The Brave One

Entry 15

Morndas, 1st of Heartfire

Ahh, the first day of the changing leaves. The Rift is a beautiful place. The leaves are the brightest colors! Red, yellow, orange! Khajiit never imagined leaves might look so vibrant, except on Skooma. Vilkas was right, Riften is a dung heap of a city; home to the dishonorable, cowardly Thieves Guild, but the mead alone makes the trip worth the stink of corruption and poverty.

In fact, this one was almost given a shakedown coming into the city! The guards tried to get her to pay the 'visitors tax' but Khajiit have good noses; a shakedown stinks worse than a werewolf on a wet day. Or Farkas when he's missed his bath for the fifth time that week. Ah and the mead is divine! Sweeter than moon sugar and with a kick like a horse! Khajiit may have had a little too much.

It took a while to find the meadery; when guards aren't shaking this one down, and thugs aren't trying to threaten this one into leaving, stable hands are being cheated by members of the Thieves guild. While she was drinking, this one knocked a piece of paper from the counter. It was a note addressed to yours truly.

 _My friend,_

 _I am ready to pay what I owe. Meet me in Riften Jail._

 _Inigo_

The writer did not use her name, but somehow, this one knew her finding this note was no coincidence. This one paid a visit to the jail but was halted by a guard who demanded her to leave. This one said, and she quotes, "No, it is alright, this one is supposed to be here." And the idiot let her in! No wonder the Rift has so many criminals running around, they just let anyone in! Unbelievable! This one reported him to the captain of the city watch.

Anyway, inside the first cell on the left, she spotted a strange fellow in his cell talking to a dragonfly in a jar. He is Khajiit, has blue fur, and yet his speech patterns differ from this one's, making her think he comes from some other part of Tamriel. Thanks to a note detailing the location of his cell key, this one unlocked the doors and entered. The letter really was addressed to her, for when she entered his cell, he hung his head as if in deep shame.

"Come to kill me at last? Thank the Gods. I can bear the guilt no longer." This one and Vilkas exchanged glances. "You know each other?" Vilkas asked and the hint of aggravation in his voice made this one think he was jealous. Possibly.  
"No, we have never met before." This one assured him but the blue Khajiit insisted, "You don't remember? I'm your friend...your so-called friend, Inigo."  
"This one is sure she would remember meeting you, you are mistaken."  
"No, I am not. I would know you anywhere!" He insisted, desperation in his voice for reasons this one could not place. "I shot you. It must have effected your memory!"  
This one couldn't think of how to argue with him. She was speechless.  
"This one remembers every moment of her life, why would everything she knows of you have vanished?"  
"I do not know, the mind is a very funny thing, but I am telling you; we traveled together, we looked out for one another, and how did I repay you? You must kill me. I need to repent. So do it, strike me down, take your revenge!"

This one cannot hate a man she does not know. He was confused and on the brink of killing himself if this one did not do it for him. She felt sorry for him.  
"Inigo, correct?"  
"Yes."  
"This one has no reason to hate you. She does not even know you!"  
"No reason? I betrayed you for money."  
"That sounds very bad, but she is certain you have the wrong cat."  
"I am not, I-,"  
"Alright, alright. This one does not wish to kill you. How about this; since you feel so guilty, you can stay and fight by this one's side. Will that be enough repentance?"

He gaped at her, orange eyes wide. "You would do that? After what I did, you would give me a second chance?"  
"Yes. Come with J'Hirra." He stood to his feet and bowed.  
"My friend, J'Hirra...I feel lighter in my heart now that you have given me this opportunity. On my honor...what remains of it, anyway...I will repay my debt to you, or die defending you. " He was so genteel and honest, this one felt a little flustered. He truly believes he betrayed her in the past, and he is dead set on making it up to her.  
"You have any idea what the crazy cat is talking about?" Vilkas whispered as Inigo collected his things, sweeping them into his bag and attaching the jar containing the dragonfly onto his belt.  
"Not a clue." Khajiit is sure he has the wrong person, but his heart is in the right place.

Since Inigo wasn't technically a prisoner (he paid the guards to lock him up after he failed to find the body of the one he shot to prove his crime), we walked out into the fresh air and Inigo breathed in deeply. "Gods, it feels so good to smell the air of the Rift again, doesn't it, Mr. Dragonfly?" Yes, he talks to the dragonfly. Inigo may be a little crazy, yes? This one crafted him some better gear and we returned to the inn to resume our drinks. This one got Inigo a drink which he savored after months of only having water and bread.

Inside the inn, a priest from the city temple to the Mother Cat—or Mara as she is called in Skyrim—was preaching about inebriation. Khajiit was curious about what religion he represents and spoke to him. Khajiit was fascinated to learn about this Mara as she is known as the Mother Cat in Elsweyr but she is worshiped in much the same way as back home.

He also sold Khajiit an Amulet of Mara. In Skyrim, if one is looking for a spouse, they simply wear this amulet to show they are available. Khajiit simply thinks it is pretty but if Vilkas were to notice, would that be so bad? Khajiit has been wearing this amulet for nearly an hour now and he hasn't noticed. In truth, it is disappointing. No. It hurts in a way nothing else has, not even a cut from the sharpest blade, or an arrow to the knee. Khajiit didn't notice the depths of her feelings for him until now that he hasn't taken notice.

Since when has she felt this way towards him? Has she always? When did this happen? And how? This is infuriating! He isn't noticing at all! Does he truly not care for this one? J'Hirra can't accept this! Not after the way he smiles at this one, the way he laughs and talks with this one, not after all we've been through…J'Hirra will never accept this!

* * *

This one has a brilliant plan! Khajiit was in the temple of Mara, seeking inspiration for how to tell Vilkas her feelings, or perhaps to gage his own. She hoped that being in a Temple dedicated to love would spur a heated, romantic conversation leading to a love confession! But not such thing. He merely looked bored. Khajiit approached a priest who planted a seed of an idea in her head; the priest explained that for this one to be given Mara's blessing—Khajiit really doesn't care less but whatever, this is for love!—this one must help others see Mara's light! This is the perfect plan! By helping others find love, Vilkas and J'Hirra will be drawn closer together! Vilkas will be forced to reflect on his own feelings and will, perhaps, fall in love with this one! Brilliant, no? Ah, but she hopes this works.

If there were anyone this Khajiit could spend the rest of her life with, it would be him and only him.

He is the only one Khajiit wishes to fight with, travel with, and fight beside.

He is the one she trusts with her life and with her happiness. Mother, this one begs you for your forgiveness for falling in love with a Nord. She also begs you now to see his loveliness, and his fiery, noble heart, and his kindness! You were wrong, Mother. By the Gods, you were wrong.

And with that, Vilkas and this one are off to Ivarstead. Vilkas is bewildered and a bit drunk, so is this one, but he is willing to follow. Inigo is down for anything. He seems to love the Rift. Vilkas says he doesn't trust this one to hold her liquor. He thinks she will pass out and get mauled by a bear. There are lots of them here. This one thinks he is just worried. But is he worried as a friend or as a man who loves a woman? That, we shall see…

* * *

So far, no luck. Khajiit spoke to the Fastred girl. She wanted to run away to Riften with some Basianus fellow. In this one's opinion, any man that wanted this one to runaway with him to Riften deserves to be thrown off a bridge. But there is no accounting for tastes, yes? Khajiit convinced Fastred to settle for the local fisherman, Klimmik, instead. Vilkas only seemed a little miffed as to why this one was doing such menial tasks.

"Don't we have bandits to be killing?" he asked with a chuckle.  
"But Vilkas," this one replied, "There is more to life than killing bandits! Some things are more important; like love. Don't you agree?  
"I suppose there is _some_ honor in helping peasants with their love lives. Now, can we go and kill the Trolls you rode past on your way here?"

Ugh. He may no longer be a dog, but he is still so stupid! How can one as wise as he be so thickheaded? Or is J'Hirra not being clear enough? On to more tasks from Mara! He has to get the message eventually! Inigo is in the dark about what we are doing and is simply along for the ride at this point, and in much better spirits than this morning. With a few arrows, he took down the Trolls along the road before this one or Vilkas could so much as touch our blades. Perhaps this is the start of something good? This one is thinking, if he wanted to, he truly could have shot this one and done enough damage to induce amnesia. But no. That is impossible. Khajiit's memories are whole. But his certainty of our past together is enough to make this one question...could it be true?

* * *

 **Credits;** Inigo belongs to smartbluecat. Seriously, if anyone still plays Skyrim, download him on the Nexus. He has comments on everything and he is one of the best follower mods out there, and I'm excited to include my own interpretation of his character while sticking to Inigo's character values. He and J'Hirra are too alike in many ways and relate to one another very well, and I thought he'd make the perfect best friend to share her journey with, after all, everyone needs one.


	15. Entry 16 The Forsworn Conspiracy

Entry 16

Middas, 3rd of Heartfire

One step through the gates of Markarth and a woman is nearly killed by a madman! What a lovely city! And the guards didn't answer any questions Khajiit had for them. Khajiit was quick and saved the woman, but she knew about as much as anyone else. A man named Weylin (or was it Eltrys?) approached J'Hirra and dropped a note for her, requesting he meet her at the shrine of Talos.

The only thing this one knows is that the man was called a 'Forsworn', whatever that is. The town butcher said they're people that harass traders and long to kill off all Nords in the Reach. What lovely people. Vilkas tells this one he has had encounters with them. He believes them all madmen. As he says, the Reach was once inhabited by the old rulers of Markarth, whom the forsworn are remnants of. 20 years ago, the Nords drove them out and since they are very bored, they haven't ever gotten over it. By the Twin Moons, do the politics in this land ever stop?

Oh, but perhaps this is confusing. This one will start from the beginning, yes?

After a day stuck in a carriage riding through the rocky, gray landscape of the Reach, this one arrived with the ever clueless Vilkas to the city of Markarth. The architecture is remarkable! A city made of stone! Truly safe from dragons, yes? Khajiit is here to speak to the court wizard about his love problems. Gods, when did this one go from Harbinger to some love messenger? It almost makes this one vomit.

This one has no idea why Vilkas is still here. He just seems to be sticking around for the fun of it. At least Inigo is enjoying himself.

Perhaps Vilkas is secretly laughing at J'Hirra; the stupid kitten running around solving problems of love! He should laugh. This one is a fool. But if it makes him aware of any feelings he might have for this one, it is worth the humiliation. By the Twin Moons, this one prays he realizes soon. He reduces J'Hirra to a fool! Riding around all of Skyrim, freezing in the rain in the back of a smelly carriage, telling people to elope to a rathole of a city. This one could almost hate Vilkas for this and yet, she never could.

Well, this whole business with the Forsworn sounds a little more important than some love-struck wizard, and neither she nor Vilkas nor Inigo can stand the smell of a corrupted city, so perhaps this one's quest for Vilkas' love is to be put on hold. After all this one wants to win his favor and it would be dishonorable to ignore this city's plight. Khajiit met with Weylin at the shrine. His father was killed by Forsworn when he was a boy and he wants answers. The guards do nothing apparently. Something smells foul and it isn't Inigo, although he wasn't allowed many baths in the jail. He promised to pay this one for any information she found. Sounds good. Khajiit will keep updating this journal.

This one went first to Margaret, the woman she saved in the marketplace. It turns out she is an Imperial spy sent by General Tullius to investigate a very powerful family known as the Silverbloods. They own Cihdna Mine, a prison and the biggest source of silver in all of Skyrim. Not people to cross. She believes that Thonar Silverblood had something to do with the attack.

* * *

She was right. Thonar Silverblood wasn't directly responsible, but he certainly plays a role in this Forsworn business. He has the king of the Forsworn in Cidhna Mine, doing his bidding. During the Great War, this king, Madanach, ruled over the Reach while the Nords were off fighting the Elves. When the Nords of Markarth returned, they had Ulfric and his men drive them out and their uprising was crushed.

Thonar saw use for Madanach and locked him up. He uses the Forsworn to deal with competitors to his business or anyone he doesn't like. In exchange, Madanach gets to give orders to his men from within the mines and continue his rebellion. Truly a head-spinner, no? Khajiit must report this to Weylin. Gods, she just wanted to win Vilkas' heart, not get caught up in this madness! She even got threatened by a guard sent by Thonar.

This city makes this one's fur bristle, Mother…It is so early, barely even 8:00. This one longs to sleep…

* * *

Khajiit has been thrown into Cidhna Mine! The place no one escapes from. No one. So says the guards.  
The city guards pinned all the murders on this one! The nerve!

Luckily, she put her journal in her bosom before she was arrested, after all no one ever looks there! But this one has to escape. She has to get back to Vilkas. But first she must find this Madanach and get him to clear her name. Poor Weylin—no, his name was Eltrys! Weylin was the man in the marketplace—was murdered. Khajiit ran ahead of Vilkas and Inigo to report her discovery and the guards had killed him. Disgusting.

Khajiit wished to kill them all but getting inside Cidhna Mine would prove too beneficial to pass up. She didn't even get the chance to investigate the forsworn that tried to kill Margaret. Khajiit just wants out! Enough politics!

* * *

Khajiit has spoken to the King in Rags. After the Nords went to war with the Elves, Markarth was weakened and the Forsworn drove what little Nords remained from Markarth. Ulfric came and crushed their rebellion and the forsworn and anyone associated with them were either slaughtered or thrown in the mines, but most fled to the hills. Madanach was spared because he had people he could point at the enemies of Thonar Silver-Blood. But Thonar let his guard down and Madanach quickly got out of control. Truly a mess, no?

He has directed this one to another Forsworn and this one has heard his sobstory. The Nords were paranoid after the Forsworn uprising and many unrelated to the rebellion were killed. Innocent lives lost. It's all a disaster. But this Khajiit believes that if Madanach is dealt with, the Forsworn will be crippled and the murder and corruption in Markarth will stop. Well, some of it. Innocents don't deserve to die because of the crimes of their ancestors. What the Nords did wasn't right. There are no innocent bystanders here, just the guilty and the dead, but if Khajiit can just stop this, it will be over and done with.

* * *

It is done. Madanach is dead and Khajiit escaped using a key found on his corpse through a ruin to the top level of the city. She killed no one else. Thonar Silver-Blood awaited this one and he thanked her. He is free of Madanach and the Forsworn are without a king. Khajiit doubts the killings will stop but that isn't her job. She is free!  
This one caught the scent of her friends on the wind and followed it to the entrance to Cidna Mine. She looked around and saw a bush rustle. As she approached the bush, she heard the scrap of chisel against rock and frantic whispers from within the bush.

"Dammit, you blue fuzzbucket, crack the rock faster or give it to me! We lost her! How could we lose her?"  
"Keep your voice down! Do you want the guards to hear us?"  
"Like you care. This is your fault! If you hadn't stopped to check your dragonfly's jar-,"  
"Well, if you hadn't stopped to sniff the butcher's market stall, we wouldn't have lost her."  
"I'm a recovering lycanthrop! I have an excuse. And what about you, 'I'm so indebted to you, J'Hirra', and you let her run off by herself!"  
"My fleas were biting me. Now, instead of assigning blame, how about-,"  
"Oh no, you're not getting out of it _that_ easily! Give me that chisel!"  
"No, Gods, when is the last time you brushed your teeth, dogbreath!"

"Hello, boys." Two blue, furry ears popped out of the bush and swiveled wildly, and Vilkas' head burst from within the bush, brambles and leaves in his hair.  
Both men whirled in this one's direction and a grin split Inigo's face and Vilkas's eyes lit up. The sight was quite endearing.  
Inigo scrambled from the bush, tripping in his haste to see this one. "My friend! There you are! Where did you go?" Vilkas shoved past Inigo.  
"Are you alright? What the hell happened? You just took off and we couldn't find you anywhere!"  
The look of Vilkas' face when he saw her was priceless. Dammit. Why must he be so endearing, hmm?  
"This one is sorry; she should have waited, but she was so worried about Waylin, no, Eltrys!"  
Inigo sighed with relief. "My friend, you had me worried! Please, try not to die. I still owe much to you."  
"Would you shut up? She doesn't even know you, you were only worried out of selfishness for your damn debt!" Vilkas shoved him away from this one, Inigo shoved him back, and this one took the children to a nearby inn to rest and recuperate.

Khajiit helped the old elf, Calcelmo, woo the housecarl Faleen. He wished to speak to her but out of fear, he never approached. He had this one go to the bard, Yngverd or whatever his name was, and he constructed a beautiful poem for Faleen. Khajiit must admit that she too has a soft spot for well written words. On the way to the bard, this one prompted Vilkas to inquire about her own likes as well. Blushing a little, he did, and this one told him of sweetrolls, nature, a good hunt, and confessed to her love for a good book and well written sonnets. Khajiit does not believe he will take the hint.

However, Calcelmo's story in love began well and he and Faleen finally spoke. Vilkas admitted it was humorous to see the old man run so fast and he smiled as we left the pair alone. Perhaps something will come from this? On another note, a priest of Arkey, another God Khajiit is unfamiliar with, asked this one for help. The hall of the dead is under attack; the dead are being eaten. Disgusting, this one knows. After a long nap, this one will see about lending a paw. She is so tired, so very tired and hasn't slept since the carriage ride.


	16. Entry 17 City of Stone

Entry 17

Turdas, 4th of Hearthfire

After a long rest, this one awakes afresh. Her escapades with the Forsworn and escape from Cidhna Mine has made her the talk of the town! Everyone is asking her how she did it.

We stayed in Markarth for the night. Vilkas was a gentleman and let this one sleep in the single bed. Khajiit would have booked a double, but it was all the Silver-Blood inn had. He slept on the floor, which in honesty, was about as comfy as the bed; they're all made of stone. But sleep is sleep, no?

There are more tasks of Mara to complete and Vilkas himself even admitted that, although he'd much rather be splitting some bandit skulls, there is some honor in these tasks.

Yes! Khajiit will win his heart before long, she can feel it!

To begin this one's day, this one took a delightful trip into the hall of the dead where a disembodied voice tried to convince this one that they had a shared desire for the flesh of the dead. Needless to say, Khajiit found the person talking and disembodied their spine from the neck. She tried to convince this one she was a cannibal who had blocked out the memory of her first taste! Disgusting!

She is tired of people alluding to pasts that never happened.  
Speaking of which, before we left this morning, this one, Inigo and Vilkas breakfasted at the Silver-Blood Inn.  
Inigo and his one got to talking. He grew up in Riverhold, a city on the border of Elswyre and Cyrodiil. That explains his accent and speaking patterns.  
His mother and father are dead, but they were once assassins, and taught him everything about the bow and blade.  
He also confessed that he'd lost his twin brother, Fergus, a few years after they traveled to Cyrodiil to seek their fortune.

"This one is sorry for your losses," J'Hirra told him most sincerely, for she felt his pain, "Losing a parent is indescribable..."  
In her eyes, there is no loss harder than that of a family member.  
"Indeed. It is like losing a part of yourself. My brother was my better half. Sometimes, I still can't believe I will never see him again or speak to him again."  
This one was speechless for she felt the exact same way about her mother.  
"After all these years, it still hurts, but I try to keep his memory alive by bringing pride to him through my actions. As of lately, I have not been on the right track. But I feel good fighting by your side. Like I am beginning to step foot down an honorable road. So, thank you, my friend."

"This one knows the feeling. She has much to make up for, as well."  
"Who did you lose, if you don't mind my asking." Inigo added.  
"This one's mother. Ahdarja." Even saying her name still hurts. Under the table, this one felt Vilkas squeeze her hand briefly. Does that mean something? Just a friendly gesture, no?

Inigo has lost so many but he is strong and can talk freely about his feelings. This one wonders if she will ever be able to do the same. Telling Vilkas helped. But she still cannot see Windhelm on the horizon without her heart aching. She feels like a part of her is weak, and will always be weak; running away from the past. Will she ever face it? Does she want to?

"I am sorry, my friend. You are strong and noble. I am sure she would be proud of you."  
This one hopes so. But in her mind, she disagrees with him. She feels her mother would be disappointed in her for letting her die, for joining the bandits, for feeling what she does for Vilkas.  
Before she could stew in her thoughts, Inigo said, "Try to remember the good times, my friend. That's all you can do. Now, how about a distraction. I wrote a book; Inigo the Brave! I am no professional, but I had lots of time to kill in that cell. Care for a read?"

And so Inigo flipped open the book and this one found herself laughing at his choose-your-own-adventure type story and found her depressing thoughts dissipating.

After that, Khajiit paid a visit to the local trader who requested her help taking back a stolen Dibella statue from a Forsworn camp. On her way out of the city, Khajiit overheard miners talking about Forsworn driving them from their mines.

Khajiit really does not like these forsworn. We traveled to the mine down the road and killed the lot of them. The mine was full to bursting with gold ore! Khajiit will smith and possibly enchant a beautiful gold necklace for Vilkas!

After that, Khajiit, Inigo and Vilkas stormed the nearby Forsworn camp and stole back what had been stolen. Khajiit is sick of Markarth and its Forsworn infestation. Time to return to Riften and speak to the priestess.

* * *

 **Notes; I deleted Entry 17 (by mistake) and uploaded Entry 18 this morning instead. Sorry for the confusion.**


	17. Entry 18 United in Death

Entry 18

Loredas, 6th of Heartfire

After a day's ride, we are finally back in Riften. It's time to continue this one's quest to win this foolish but lovable man's heart! She spoke with the priestess and she directed this one to Gjnkar's Monument or however it is called, a statue standing erect against the plains of Whiterun.

There the ghosts of two lovers awaited this one and Vilkas. Both were separated however, and believed themselves to still be back on the night of the battle, desperately searching for each other.

Vilkas was in awe for most of the time we were in the plains. He'd read countless books about the battle that took place in Whiterun's plains. It was quite adorable to hear him talk on and on about all the details he'd read about and he was so excited to tell Khajiit all about it. One would never imagine him to be the bookish _and_ brawny type. Another reason why she loves him so.

The first ghost this one spoke to was of a woman named Ruki. She was looking for her husband who wasn't due to fight until 'tomorrow' but she'd heard a massacre had taken place and found many soldiers dead, and feared her husband to be among them.

This one, Inigo and Vilkas set off and found her husband not far away. Together, we three reunited them and they rose up into the sky together, hand in hand forever... This one glanced Vilkas way and he held this one's gaze, a small smile on his face.

"Gods! Did you see that?" Inigo gasped, making us jump ."They were levitating, and then they fell out of the skies and vanished! Did you see that?" He looked to us expectantly and his ears lowered. "No? Oh. Never mind, then..." He shuffled his feet. "Erm...Hey, the person who built this monument was overcompensating for something, no? No? Never mind..."

Vilkas was happy on the walk from the plains. He was proud of the work we'd done after all. What's more honorable than helping a warrior and his lover find both each other and eternal rest together? He still has not mentioned the amulet of Mara around this one's neck.

If he hasn't caught on by the time we reach Riften, this one simply won't know what to do.

She thinks her heart might break to imagine he does not feel the way she does for him.

* * *

 **Notes; I deleted Entry 17 (by mistake) and uploaded Entry 18 this morning instead. Sorry for the confusion.**


	18. Entry 19 In the Name of Love

Entry 19

Sundas, 7th of Heartfire

Vilkas is completely and utterly bored, this one is sure of it.

Upon arriving at the temple, Khajiit was told that her duty was done and given a blessing by the priestess. However there was but one more task and she asked this one to hand out pamphlets to the people of Riften. This one's patience is being tested.

Vilkas looked at this one as if to say 'Why are you wasting your time with this?" It's for you, you idiot! Why can't you see? Is this one not being clear enough, is it all flying over his thick head? Or does he truly just not feel the same way? Khajiit is beginning to wonder if she is simply expecting too much from him.

How is he supposed to read her thoughts? But if he loved this one, wouldn't he say so? Gods, Khajiit is ready to give up. If, after she has handed out these pamphlets he still hasn't gotten the message, Khajiit will return to Whiterun and call it a day. Perhaps he doesn't know this one as well as he thought? Surely he'd know that this one would never do any of these things without some ulterior motive? Can't he connect the dots?

Is Khajiit just being a typical woman, expecting the man to know her thoughts without her conveying them? Why must this be so stressful?! This is the most tedious courtship this one has ever done! And yet she can't stop. She wants him too much.

* * *

Nothing. Worse than nothing. Khajiit spent the whole day handing out these stupid pamphlets, shoving them onto people who said they'd use them for kindling just to get them off her person. Vilkas hasn't noticed the amulet. He hasn't done anything except go along with this one's insanity! Khajiit feels like a fool. Oh Vilkas, what will it take to earn your love? Khajiit is at a loss!

In the Bee and Barb, this one downed drink after drink. Vilkas took a trip to the blacksmith and this one and Inigo were alone.

"Inigo, you have experience in love, do you not?"

"No, not really. The first woman I ever loved-or thought I loved-was a bandit, but she dropped me like a sack of skeever droppings when she found another more suitable for her. But if you want advice, I could certainly offer you some."

"Go ahead. This one is all out of ideas."

"What advice would you like, specifically?"

"How do you win the affections of someone who may not return them?"

Inigo took a drink and was quiet for a moment. "You have feelings for Vilkas?"  
This one's heart jumped and she nodded, feeling pathetic. Since when did a man make her feel so weak?

"Ah, so this whole trip was part of some elaborate plan to win him over?"

"Yes, and it was completely worthless. He does not love this one, otherwise he would have figured it out."

"J'Hirra, as a man, I can only tell you this; men are complicated. Lots of them like to present themselves as confidant and unfeeling, but usually those kinds of men are out only for themselves. I cannot speak for all of us, but I can say that I can take down a Giant without a shred of nervousness, but when it comes to love, I get insecure. I may assume that a beautiful, strong woman is already spoken for, why wouldn't she be? Or if she isn't, why would she care for someone like me? Am I good enough for her, what could I say to make her laugh or smile, how could I make my feelings known, what if she doesn't return them?"

"Vilkas is not insecure. He is as cocky as they come."

"Perhaps he comes across that way to hide how he really feels? In any case, the only way to know is to ask him. A woman who has the confidence to make the first move, or the courage to make her feelings known, is definitely a plus in my book. It also takes the pressure off us guys and helps us open up more. I say go for it!"

This one hadn't thought of it that way before. Perhaps talking to him will be best, but can she do it? What if he rejects her?

"You were with a bandit girl?"

"Yes. It was a very dark time in my life. I joined up with a group of them after losing Fergus, and she helped numb the pain, at least a little." This ones ears pricked up.

"J'Hirra was with a group of bandits for a while as well. She regrets it, but misery loves company, no?"

"Indeed, my friend."

"This one had so many options-,"

"But it didn't feel like it at the time, right? A lot of the bandits I traveled with felt the rough times they'd fallen on justified their actions. Life throws terrible things our way, but we do not have to bend to its will. You can choose to accept things as they are with Vilkas, or you can knock him upside the head and get him to notice you."

"This one might just do that. Well, if things don't work out, he has a twin." This one's stomach lurched. Farkas is a good man, but she cannot see herself with him.

"There you go!" Inigo clapped this one on the back and took a gulp of mead, "And if Vilkas breaks your heart, let me know; I can give him a few of my fleas!"


	19. Entry 20 Lets Hear it for the Boy

Entry 20

Morndas, 8th of Heartfire

Ah so much happened today! So much! All good and strange and crazy and beautiful!

When we arrived in Whiterun, this one sent Inigo and Vilkas on ahead while she stopped to have her axe repaired. Truthfully, she wished to be alone. The man she loved, the first person she'd ever loved, did not return her feelings, and it hurt more than words can say.

This one returned to Jorrvaskr and found Inigo already mingling with the Companions.  
She told Farkas she'd cleared out those bandits and he smiled brightly and told her she'd done an excellent and honorable thing. Then he noticed the amulet around this one's neck. He was surprised that this one wasn't spoken for and when this one asked if he was interested, he said he was! He said he hadn't considered himself a cat person...until he met her, of course.

This one couldn't believe it! All this time, Farkas was in love with her! Yet, when he asked, tentatively, if she felt the same, she couldn't reply. Vilkas had shown no interest for days after she'd put the amulet on. Farkas is a good man. Maybe he is not the smartest, but his heart is pure and true and he is sweet, brave and caring. But this one does not love him. She felt so guilty to realize such a thing but she loves Vilkas with everything she has.

This one decided then and there that she was going to tell Vilkas after all but before she could excuse herself from Farkas, Vilkas rushed over to us with a yell of, "Farkas, I want to talk to you! Meet me in my room! Now!" Farkas jumped and excused himself and Vilkas did not follow. He was breathless and wide eyed. "Come here. Now." He took this one's wrist and led her not to his room, but this one's chambers.

"Are you alright? Aren't you going to speak to him?" This one inquired once we were alone, and Vilkas shook his head wordlessly. "No, I…I just…" he was speechless. "You aren't going to follow him? That is awfully rude, no? Shall we call him back, then?" This one tried to proceed to the door and Vilkas took hold of her shoulders and steered her away.

"I...do you love my brother, Harbinger?" he asked and this one could not reply.  
She didn't want to offend him by saying no. He took hold of her shoulders. "Tell me."  
"He is a good man, certainly. He is noble, brave and he has a big heart."

"Aye, but do you love him?" Vilkas demanded and this one tried to get her personal space back; her claws were trying to come out. "This one…No. She doesn't. It is kind of you to look out for him like this." Vilkas breathed out a slow sigh. "Thank the Gods." He breathed and this one was breathless as well.

He sounded so…relieved, yes? Not the way one should sound upon hearing their brother has been rejected. "There are many things I excel at over my brother, but at times his strengths outshine my own. Certainly you should love him but I'm glad you don't."

This one's heart was beating so hard, she was so pleased he could no longer smell it's pulse.

"Why do you say such things?" This one asked, and without a stammer or a tremor in her voice, yes?

He sighed and took his hands off this one's shoulders. He scratched the back of his head and looked away. He shifted his weight from one foot to the next and was silent. Finally, he said, "I…I noticed your amulet of Mara. I wanted to ask about it the moment I saw you wearing it but for one you aren't from these parts, so I thought you didn't know the significance and I didn't want to make a fool of myself." His face reddened, but he clenched his fists as if resolving himself and continued,

"For another, I thought why would she, the Harbinger of the Companions, this brave, noble and strong woman, be interested in someone like me? I didn't think it was a possibility. Aye, I still don't but…if there's the slightest chance you'll say yes, I'd be a fool to lose you to someone else. I'd never forgive myself."

This one's heart began to sing and she wanted to cry and smile and laugh all at once. "Do you…? Are you—?" he began and this one put a finger to his lips and said, "Let's do this formally, yes? There is a formal way to do this, no?"

Vilkas smiled and tripped over his words. "I…well…yes, yes!" he reached out and gently took hold of the amulet against this one's chest.  
"Is that an amulet of Mara? You're not married? Surprising." His eyes were shining and Khajiit could not look away from them.

"Interested in J'Hirra, hmm?"

He caressed this one's cheek, those gentle eyes never leaving hers.

"You set me free; broke the curse that tormented me all my life. Thanks to you the world is a better, brighter place. There's no one I'd rather share my days with, my nights with. There's no one else I'd rather have at my side both in battle and in life. How could I not be interested in you, J'Hirra? Are you…interested in me?"

"Yes, from the moment this one saw you. This one loves you, Vilkas."

"I love you, too. I'd be honored to stand by your side until the Divines take me, if you'll have me."

"Together, then?"

"Together!"

He held J'Hirra tightly and she put her arms around his shoulders. J'Hirra can't recall a time when she was so happy.

"Stupid dog."

"Crazy cat." He touched his lips to hers and this one's breath was stolen. He was so gentle, a complete contrast to how he is in battle, or how gruff his words can be at times. He tasted just like J'Hirra thought he would; like the spiced mead he loves so, and this one found herself returning his kiss with earnest. We separated and he gave this one the sweetest smile, almost adolescent in its vulnerability.

We shared another kiss and this one must have given the man some confidence, for he was much less innocent. He was a little shy and longed to touch her but he held himself back, so this one took his hands and led them up her kilt. Tell no one.

Gods...the warmth of his hands, the warmth and at times roughness of his lips against hers, his smell (like the pine trees on the breeze...and still a little like a dog), his taste...everything about him sets this one's blood aflame. We held one another for what felt like an era and when we did go our separate ways, we did so in a daze and when this one dreamed, she dreamed of him.

Khajiit has since spoken to Farkas, apologizing for not returning his feelings. It turns out he merely asked this one because he wanted Vilkas to get finally make a move. He'd known from the beginning that Vilkas liked this one! Perhaps he is smarter than he looks?

"You seem in a much better mood than earlier, my friend," Inigo said as the pair of us sat in the meadhall for dinner. "I take it your talk with Vilkas went well."

"It went wonderfully! Farkas tricked Vilkas into thinking he was going to propose, so Vilkas finally took notice!"

"Farkas is smarter than you thought, hmm? But did you ever wonder who gave Farkas the idea in the first place?" He raised his brows and this one could barely believe it.

"It was _your_ idea, Inigo?" This one cried and he nodded.

"I still have a hefty debt to you, my friend. Think of this as a step down the road to repaying it. There needs to be more love in the world, especially if that love is between two people of different cultures." This one was blown away by his kindness! She threw her arms around him, crushing him to her in a tight embrace.

"You shall be the ring-bearer at our wedding!"  
"Really! What a tremendous honor, thank you! I can't promise not to embarrass you with my speech. I haven't known either of you long enough to know you well, so I may have to embellish a little bit." The mischief that twinkled in his eyes made this one laugh.

"Say what you will, Inigo. This one thanks you from her heart!"

That day, this one found a true friend in Inigo. Regardless of what our past really is, the future is what counts, and this one hopes he sticks along for the ride.


	20. Entry 21 Under Mara's Loving Gaze

Entry 21

Tirdas, 9th of Heartfire

Ah, to be wed is a beautiful thing, no? On this day, we stood in the temple of Mara and exchanged our vows. Vilkas had the brightest, happiest smile on his face. He is quite the serious grumpy-guts, so to see his smiles makes this one feel blessed. And it makes this one want to punch his face less when he does something stupid. Both are good things, no? It was a joyous day, and this one wished more than ever her mother could be there to witness her daughter's wedding, and to see the beautiful, wonderful man she has chosen to spend the rest of her life with.

But maybe it is for the best, no? For Mother, this one knows you would be disappointed. It is the truth. This one cannot deny it. As she slipped into her wedding dress and looked at herself in the mirror and the reality of what she was doing sunk in, this one felt a sliver of guilt try to claw its way into her heart. but she should not feel guilty. She has no reason to feel guilty. Vilkas makes this one happy and she loves him. So there. But even now, sitting alone in the inn where we will spend our wedding night together, the feeling persists. She will ignore it.

Inigo had his paws full at the wedding; not only was he our ring-bearer, but since this one had no father that she knew of, he also walked this one down the aisle. How sweet of him!  
If Kodlak still lived, this one would have happily asked him to give this one away, but Inigo held this one close, and when he realized that Farkas had his coat inside out, the pair of us fought back giggles all the way down the aisle. Aela was the maid of honor, Farkas, the groomsman.

Vilkas looked so handsome. To see him clean-shaven and wearing the finest silks set this one's heart racing. He could hardly take his eyes off of this one, so J'Hirra imagines she must have looked quite lovely as well. She and Aela had a wonderful time picking out just the right dress. Inigo and the Companions took their seats and in the crowd, this one saw Erik (now Erik the Slayer, the farmhand she helped buy armor for), she saw Eorlund and his wife, and that annoying personality Nazeem whispering to Vignar Gray Mane, probably about the Cloud District. Who invited Nazeem? He probably wished to bolster his ego by attending the Harbinger's wedding.

The priest, Maramel, said, "Do you promise be united in love, now and forever?"  
This one did not get the chance to speak, for from the window came a _crash_ and in flew a rock and a sack that stunk of skeever dung which spattered all over the floor.  
"Cats don't belong in this city!" A Nord clad in thick steel armor burst through the door. Behind him was a Redguard and another Nord, all wearing heavy armor and carrying weapons. "Look at this! A Nord and a Khajiit! Disgusting! You're a traitor to your own kind, kinsman!"  
"And you're a dead man if you don't turn around and leave, milk-drinker! Why so many friends, couldn't take me on your own?" Vilkas snarled and Farkas tossed him his greatsword.

"Skyrim belongs to the Nords!" The man cried, drawing his war axe. An ebony arrow flew across the room and shot his helmet off his head. It clattered to the floor and he froze, mouth agape.  
"Shut. Up." Inigo said, bow in hand and another arrow at the ready between his fingers.  
"Think I'm afraid of some cat? What's up with your fur, took too much skooma?"  
The arrow knocked the weapon from his hand and his friends started, clutching their weapons to them.  
"Yes, actually," Inigo said, "So it will be pretty embarrassing a former sugar-tooth is the reason your backside looks like Molag Bal's favorite chair."

Aela tossed this one her battle axe and in her wedding dress, this one charged at the idiots that dared disrupt her wedding! The chapel erupted into noise; the guests cheered or ran for cover, the Companions drew their blades, and this one, Inigo and Vilkas rushed the idiots. The looks on their faces! They practically shit themselves! They threw down their weapons and ran from the chapel, screaming like a bunch of hag ravens. One tried to stay and fight, but this one and Inigo kicked him down the steps and he tumbled head over heels onto the concrete before dragging himself away. The priests were beside themselves, rushing about trying to restore order and crying that the temple was a place for peace this and peace that.

This one wonders if those bigots expected such a wedding reception to be empty. Well, they were proven wrong!  
In any case, this one and Vilkas promised to be united in love, now and forever, and kissed. The both of us forgot about the rings and Inigo stood there and smiled for nearly a minute. Oops. We put on the rings, Maramel pronounced us bonded for life, and we kissed again and the crowd applauded for us, although there was an awkward silence afterwards for we may have kissed longer than they anticipated. Oops, again.

Inigo gave a speech;  
"I offer my most sincere congratulations to Vilkas and J'Hirra. I never imagined I'd see a Nord and a Khajiit that share the bond these two have for one another. This is a good thing; the world needs more love, and love between two from different cultures is all the more beautiful. Love unites us, just like it unites their faces, often for over a minute. Really, how do you guys find the oxygen for that? Anyway, here's to Vilkas and J'Hirra; best friends, soulmates, husband and wife and shield-siblings, which is apparently legal in Skyrim! I promise to offer you my upmost support, to shield you both from harm and the bigotry of idiots, and to put cotton in my ears at night so I won't slow you down from sleep deprivation."

People were laughing. This one and Vilkas wanted to sink into the carpet, but regardless of her embarrassment, she still smiled. Farkas' speech was quite nice.  
"I always knew my brother would get married before me. He's real smart, and that means something to the ladies. J'Hirra is nice. Strong, too. She and Vilkas will be a nice, strong, smart couple."

Aela spoke briefly;  
"Today the Companions are honored, for two of our Circle have come together in love. Being a Companion means many things, but more than anything, it is a promise; to always have a shoulder to lean on, someone to watch your back, and knowing you will never go through life's challenges alone. Vilkas and J'Hirra are the embodiment of the promise. May they bring honor to us in their love and in their new life together. And Inigo, shield-sibling is a title only; none of us are related. Maybe you should think before you open your mouth."

Inigo snorted from where he sat in his seat, paw over his mouth as his eyes sparkled.

After much dancing and feasting (and a few fun, Gods-awful songs from Inigo) this one and Vilkas jumped in a carriage from Riften and rode it to the Nightgate Inn in Eastmarch. It is a secluded little place nestled along a lake. Vilkas was a gentleman and took this one's cloak from her, telling her, "Go on to our room and get comfortable, dear."

 _Dear_? Since when is this one anything other than Crazy Cat? This one still feels a little flustered. One day he is the Stupid Dog, the next he is Dearest One. One day she is the Crazy Cat, the next she is Dear. It is not a little bit sudden, no? He seems happy too, but do his warm, loving greetings not feel a tad bit forced or awkward? Perhaps he feels the same. Maybe this will take a bit getting used to.

The innkeep gave us a lovely room with scented candles and a bed fit for the Queen. The bed will soon see quite some use...Khajiit does not remember the last time she was with a man. She has never made love to a Nord man before. Well, how much more different can it be? She will perform splendidly. She hopes so, anyway.

* * *

This one takes it all back, yes? The love making was truly amazing; we went at it not once, but twice! He is thoroughly exhausting! He made love to this one with the ferocity of an animal and the passion this one knows so well. This one can handle a little awkwardness. She also left a nice sized bite on his neck for the world to see. This one just wants to see Njada Stonearm try to flirt with him. Just try, you cow.


	21. Entry 22 To Bleakfalls Barrow

Entry 22

Middas, 10th of Heartfire

Well, after a blissful honeymoon, it is back to business again. This one and Vilkas returned to Jorrvaskr this morning and were showered with gifts from the Companions and Inigo. Aela crafted her a bow, Torvar gave this one a keg of Blackbriar mead, Farkas gave this one some flowers, and Inigo gave this one an enchanted circlet. "Your archery needs work, my friend, maybe this well help." He said. This one spent a few hours training the newer members and went to Kodlak's quarters (now hers) and found Vilkas on the bed, a book in hand, and Inigo sitting in a chair beside him.

" _King_ is a great book. Reven is an amazing author." Inigo said, peering over his shoulder.  
"Aye, that is true. You have good tastes, fuzzball."  
"As do you, dogbreath! I have read all of his books. There is not a single one I dislike."  
"He is incapable of writing a bad book! I rested my haunches in Jorrvaskr for a day to finish reading _Thief_. His style is unrivaled."  
"Same, I could not put it down! I nearly starved myself to finish reading. Ah, but _King_ is better. What a page-turner!"  
"No. _Thief_ is his best work. It uses all of his skills and experiences."

Their conversation went on forever! Khajiit could hardly believe her ears. They finally had something to bond over. This one believes Vilkas may have felt replaced by Inigo's sudden presence in our adventures. Maybe they will get along better now?

This one believes she has been forgetting something. A task, yes? A most important one? Ah, yes! The assassins! Correct? Well, Khajiit knows a way to get them off her back. There is a boy in Windhelm trying to get the horrible woman that runs Honorhall Orphanage in Riften killed. Aventus Arentino.

If Khajiit goes to him, pretends to be an assassin and steals the kill, she cannot imagine the Dark Brotherhood would be happy about it. Of course, this one is not in any hurry to visit Windhelm and so Vilkas must come along for support. But this is important.

Yet, it is not the task she wished to undertake. Something about dragons? A barrow? Or no? Khajiit cannot remember.

Wait. This one remembers. The trader in Riverwood wanted this one to retrieve his stolen ornate claw from Bleak Falls Barrow! And the court wizard of Whiterun wished for this on—on the Jarl's request—to fetch a stone tablet that had something to do with dragons! Khajiit can't believe she forgot! So much has happened.

Well, this Khajiit has seen no dragons in her travels but if Whiterun would benefit from the information this tablet might possess, this one would be stupid not to get it. Just because there are no dragons now aside from that big black beast at Helgen doesn't mean there may not be more. Off to Bleak Falls Barrow!


	22. Entry 23 The Dragonborn Comes

Entry 23

Turdas, 11th of Heartfire

Even after a good night's rest, this one's head still spins. Where to start? Of all the entries in this journal, this is the one of utmost importance and this one does not say so lightly. Her whole life has changed and it is terrifying. Where to start? By the Twin Moons, where to start? Well, Vilkas, Inigo and J'Hirra traveled to Bleakfalls Barrow. As they approached Riverwood, J'Hirra remembered why she was so eager to leave. That whispering voice, thrumming with malevolent power; _Fus, Fus, Fus,_ over and over again, beckoning her, urging her towards the Barrow. Khajiit could barely say a word during the climb and Vilkas could tell. He asked little questions but promised to listen if she needed it. That was appreciated.

Once inside, we found a Dunmer caught in a spider web. Khajiit cut him free and he ran, squealing about how he wouldn't hand over the treasure of the ancient Nords to anyone. J'Hirra cut him down with her blade in his back and took both the golden claw and his journal. Something about a Hall of Stories and how the claw was needed for something in there? Vilkas was very excited about the idea of seeing this Hall and so we rushed through the tomb, killing Undead was we went. There were a few traps. Inigo is very good at evading traps, having spent many years exploring ruins, but Vilkas even with his experience is not so agile.

As we fought the draugr, Vilkas walked over a pressure plate. With a whoosh, Khajiit felt something ram into her backside, felt the prick of spikes piercing through the fur in her armor, and she was sent flying forward! This one and Vilkas crashed into Inigo and we flew into the draugr and tumbled head over heels into the wall!

The draugr died, Inigo cracked his head against the wall, and this one was tangled up in a suggestive position with a draugr.  
"So no one heard me when I said 'Trap ahead'?" Inigo grumbled as he stood.  
"Aye, like you're the splitting image of perfection!" Vilkas snarled, tossing a draugr off him as he leaped to his feet.  
"We almost died! And if we die down here, we'll walk around as brainless zombies forever! If that thought chilled your blood, you would be more careful!"  
"Afraid of the undead?" Vilkas said, a smirk on his face.  
"No, right now I'm afraid your dog breath will kill me before the draugr do."  
This one quickly separated them to avoid a scuffle and Vilkas, in his anger, walked over the pressure plate again and got sent flying down the corridor!

Ah, this one is ashamed to admit, but she still smiles to remember how hard she and Inigo were laughing.  
Poor Vilkas. He was so embarrassed that he could barely look at either of us for the rest of the descent.

We went on until at last, we came upon a long hallway with stonework depicting the ancient Nords, clearly telling some kind of story. Vilkas was enthralled! Just seeing him so entranced made this one nearly forget her worry about the voice calling to her on the other side of the sealed door. The claw was actually a key for the door. On the bottom of the claw was the combination needed to open the door. What did they need security like that for?

Vilkas said, "To keep the Undead from getting out. Powerful Undead."  
Inigo said, "You are trying to make me kill myself, yes?"  
"Maybe..." Vilkas growled. Inigo is no fan of the undead. He tells this one the scars on his face are from his past experiences in crypts.

Just like in Dustman's Cairn, there was another word wall with mysterious, unreadable writing. J'Hirra approached and a word from the wall was emblazoned into her mind; Fus…Whatever that means. Khajiit asked Vilkas if he had felt anything. He was concerned for he had felt nothing and the worry was showing on this one's face; she must be going mad.

Behind us, the sarcophagus opened, Inigo uttered a tiny not-scream, and an Undead marched out. He shouted something at Vilkas and frost billowed from his lips and froze Vilkas in place! While Vilkas struggled with frostbite, this one engaged the draugr while Inigo pelted him with arrows and we killed him, looting the dragonstone from his corpse. Eager to leave, Khajiit quickly checked the nearest chest and found an odd stone ball inside. A woman's voice boomed from inside this one's head! She demanded that this one bring the beacon to Mount Kilkreath in order to make this one the 'instrument of her cleansing light'! This one thought she truly was insane!

After we returned to Dragon's Reach, Jerl Balgruuf's housecarl came running; a dragon had attacked the western watchtower. Khajiit's heart was pounding. This couldn't be a coincidence, not at all. Khajiit gathered the Companions and together, we accompanied the Jarl's housecarl and a few guards to the desecrated tower. At first all was quiet and then, it came; a furious roar on the wing, the distant beating of heavy wings as they cut through the sky! A dragon! Khajiit drew blades alongside the Companions and fought.

The dragon was weak, it is strange to say, but he was, as if he'd just awoken from a long slumber. He went down easier than this one anticipated and when he died…By the Gods, Khajiit barely can describe it. His scales peeled off as what must have been the essence of his soul poured out through his scales! His soul went right into J'Hirra's body, into her soul! "My friend, are you alright? That did not look at all natural!" Inigo said as he rushed to her side, but this one couldn't answer; a word was pressing to her lips, a cry, a roar of something powerful and dangerous but she held it back although she was itching to let it loose.

The guards were astonished; they called this one Dragonborn. Like the Emperors of Cyrodill, like Tiber Septim himself. They asked Khajiit to try to Shout and so she did. She let loose a cry of " _Fus_!" and was breathless and lightheaded. The ground shook, the guards staggered and Khajiit was ushered back to Whiterun by the gobbling Nords.

Vilkas was astonished. He and Inigo very gallantly put themselves between her and the Nords and demanded J'Hirra be given her space and helped her back to Whiterun. Good thing, too. Khajiit's knees were so wobbly she thought she'd collapse without him there.  
"My friend, do not worry, perhaps this is only temporary; a side effect from killing the dragon!" Inigo said and a great explosion shook the sky like thunder as voices called out from mountains; "Dovahkiin!"

Khajiit felt ready to faint. "This can't be possible!" she told herself and she pulled from her pack a book she'd picked up in Helgen Keep during the dragon attack. She'd wanted to sell it for gold but none had wished to buy it. The Book of the Dragonborn.

Together, Vilkas and this one stood on the side of the road outside the stable. He looked over this one's shoulder while she read, occasionally murmuring things aloud in his shock, his breath warm against her ear. According to the book, Dragonborn's are believed to have been blessed by Akatosh, the first being St. Alessia who shared the gift of her dragon blood to mortals. Apparently this only happens in times of great need.

There was a passage in the book too, one that made this one's fur bristle and made her feel cold with both dread and something else entirely, a feeling that all at once, her world has changed completely.

 _When misrule takes its place at the eight corners of the world_

 _When the Brass Tower walks and Time is reshaped_

 _When the thrice-blessed fail and the Red Tower trembles_

 _When the Dragonborn Ruler loses his throne, and the White Tower falls_

 _When the Snow Tower lies sundered, kingless, bleeding_

 _The World-Eater wakes, and the Wheel turns upon the Last Dragonborn._

Khajiit could faint just recalling it, and goosebumps broke out across her skin. This prophecy mentions events that have taken place throughout history. If this is true, then everything that has ever happened has been leading up to this one being Dragonborn!

When Khajiit brought this news to the Jarl, he made her Thane of Whiterun and offered her property in the city. He also said that the call of "Dovahkiin" was the Graybeards (Nords who teach people, Dragonborn or no, in the ways of the Voice), calling her to High Hrothgar at the top of the Throat of the World, the tallest mountain in Skyrim and the path Tiber Septim walked when he was summoned, Vilkas says.

This one wanted to sit down, she needed to find a way to logically deny everything. But when she went into the Bannered Mare and heard the bard and every drunkard in the place singing "The Dragonborn Comes", she ran from the inn all the way back to Jorrvaskr, not at all screaming her head off and leaving Vilkas and Inigo gaping after her.

Later that night, Khajiit woke Vilkas, simply unable to sleep. "This one can't go. This is too much, Vilkas. She can't do it. She doesn't want to be this Dragonborn. She wants to be a Harbinger to her Companions." She got a tad emotional, sadly. Vilkas raised his hand to her cheek and assured her that, "No matter what, you will always be my—our—Harbinger. Any actions you make from here on out, Dragonborn or no, will only inspire and bring honor and pride to your Companions."

"You believe this one to be Dragonborn, then?"

"You're damned right I do, woman! I don't know if it's your destiny or what not, but how many men can boast that their wife is Dragonborn, after all?"

Saying it like that made this one smile. "It isn't strange, no? For a Khajiit to be Dragonborn? This one imagined only Nords could be so." Vilkas shrugged. "I don't think Akatosh cares who receives his blessing as long as they are strong in spirit. You _can't_ ignore this, J'Hirra. You must go to these Graybeards, and I'll go with you. " He held this one's paw tightly. "If this is your destiny, if you're meant for something bigger than being a Harbinger, you must go. But you won't be going at it alone. I swear on it. And I guess that blue fuzzball can come alone, too..."

This one cannot recall loving someone so much. We made fierce, passionate love and drifted off. Well, Vilkas did. He always falls asleep afterwards. A little annoying, no? Khajiit wished to talk some more. J'Hirra lay awake in his arms for a long while. Her mind was whirring. Deep down, no matter how scared she may be, this one wants answers.

If these Greybeards have them, then Vilkas is right. As for whether or not J'Hirra is Dragonborn by destiny…she would rather not think about it. She can kill a few trolls and bandits, but destiny cannot be so easily killed. That will have to wait. Later today this one will set off for Ivarstead and climb the 7,000 steps to the Greybeards. By the Twin Moons, that sounds like a hassle! Stop writing, stupid, and get some sleep!


	23. Entry 24 The Way of the Voice

Entry 24

Fredas, 12th of Heartfire

Regardless that this one wished to leave yesterday morn, this one and her friends left a day later than we intended. Khajiit bought a house in the lower district of Whiterun; a quaint and cozy place for both Khajiit and the man she loves to escape to for a bit of privacy from the ever-crowded Mead Hall of Jorrvaskr. The bed was immediately put to use and withstood much…pounding.

Khajiit paid a visit to Eorlund on his request for he discovered that he could craft incredible new gear from the soul of Kodlak. The old man believes that the Skyforge owes it divine weaponry to the souls of the Harbingers of old after they've been laid to rest over the flames. Regardless of whether that is true, Khajiit smithed Vilkas and herself new armor. This one believes it is ancient Nordic armor. It is good, though Khajiit preferred her Wolf Armor.

The day after that, we set off towards the ruins of Helgen—now a filthy bandit camp—, and then through the mountain pass towards Ivarstead. It was a short trip and we arrived in only an hour. Once there, Khajiit overheard an old man lamenting that he could not deliver his goods to the Greybeards this year.

Since she was heading that way anyway, Khajiit put an end to his bellyaching and offered to bring his supplies up the 7,000 steps for him. They were heavy! Do a few old men even eat this much? Inigo was a good sport and carried them the rest of the way up the mountain.

This one and the boys made the journey up the mountain. This one was nervous, very nervous, but could not deny the view. It was the most beautiful climb of this one's life. On the way up, we slew a few Ice Wraiths and a Frost Troll. Much , as we climbed, Inigo spotted something that caught his attention. "There, did you see that? A blue blast of light below us!"

We stared over the side of the mountain and many, many feet below us, almost halfway back down the mountain in fact, this one saw a flash of light in the trees. "We are not going back down there!" Vilkas growled, but this one wanted to investigate. What if it was some danger that threatened Ivarstead? So, with a grumbling, grouchy Vilkas trailing behind us, this one and Inigo walked back down 3,000 steps and crossed the river to find the source of the light.

Another burst of light came from across the water o a rocky hill, and we crouched behind the bushes as we got closer. Inigo gasped, his eyes bulging in horror. "Oh, Gods, no!"  
A Dunmer was standing before a shrine of animal bones and before our eyes, he resurrected six dead chicken!

"It is happening...the rise of the chickens! I knew it! The end is coming, and it ends with chickens!" Inigo gasped and Vilkas hit him over the back of the head.  
"We came all the way down the mountain for some moron and his pet chickens? Come on, we're leaving!"

Vilkas had spoken a little too loudly, yes? The chickens turned in our directions, their tiny eyes narrowed in anger and their feathers bristling as they opened their short wings!  
"Go, my minions! Attack!" The Dunmer cried and the chickens charged at us and began pecking our feet, squawking in fury while the Dunmer laughed and hurled ice spikes and blizzards out way!

Inigo climbed up a tree to escape the chickens and fired arrows from his elevated position at the necromancer (or chickromancer...no, chickomancer, no...whatever). This one kicked chickens away from her and cut ones head from its neck. It continued to run at her and Vilkas kicked its headless body down the hill.

"My friend, aim for their thighs, they are delicious!" Inigo called out and with one last arrow, he shot the chickromancer through the head. The chickens fell as their souls left their bodies, and the three of use stared in astonishment at the scene before us; dead chickens, feathers still drifting in the wind, and the dead chickromancer in front of his shrine.

"Well, we all have to have a hobby." Inigo concluded, pocketing some wings and thighs for dinner later.

Finally, we reached High Hrothgar. Khajiit deposited the supplies in a chest outside the monastery and removed her helmet in preparation for speaking. Thankfully, Vilkas made sure she did not have helmet-hair before she met the Greybeards.

This one's stomach churned as she stepped inside but the faces that greeted her were old and warm. Khajiit met the four Greybeards on that day, true masters of the Way of the Voice as they call it.

Apparently there is another Greybeard who lives in seclusion at the tip top of the mountain, but Khajiit is not 'ready' to meet him yet. How curious! They taught J'Hirra a new word, yes, Wuld; Whirlwind. They also taught her the second word to Fus; Ro, Balance. It turns out Shouts are composed of three words of power.

Since this one is Dragonborn she can learn these words without training, a feat which apparently none other than the Dragonborn have. Even Master Arngeir and the others took years to master their Thu'um. Khajiit spoke to Arngeir and he shares her thoughts; the fact that this one is Dragonborn and that the dragons have come back is not a coincidence.

Somehow, her destiny is entwined with these dragons, but what this one has to do, she is still not certain. That uncertainty was her only disappointment. She had hoped to have her fate elucidated but she must stew in uncertainty. When will she know the reason she is Dragonborn?

This one was told to travel to the tomb of Jurgen Windcaller (Inigo groaned behind her), the founder of the Way of the Voice. She must retrieve a horn there. The significance is unclear to her, but it is part of her initiation, and this one is eager to learn more about her abilities.

Despite that she doesn't know why she is Dragonborn specifically; it is most comforting to know that there are people who can help this one. Having Vilkas there was, of course, comforting as well. His mouth was agape the whole while he watched this one shout.

However, once we returned to Ivarstead, this one was attacked by three masked Dunmer. They asked if J'Hirra was Dragonborn, this one said she was and they mentioned someone named Miraak. They referred to this one as the false Dragonborn and attacked her!

Could there in fact be _another_ Dragonborn? But the Greybeards believed otherwise! Of course, Khajiit cut them down. What a headache! Vilkas wants to find them; he is worried for this one's safety. This one thinks they are simply crazy fanatics. Nothing at all to worry about. Besides, their masks are cute. Who can fear any who wear such cute masks?


	24. Entry 25 Rebirth

Entry 25

Sundas, 14th of Heartfire

On our way to the tomb of Jurgen Windcaller, it began to rain. We entered the marshes of Hjaalmarch. Creatures cry out from within the tangled woods and fog lies thick and heavy over the water, concealing predators.

Thunder split the sky and the clouds darkened, so we were forced to stop and took shelter in the miserable town of Morthal on the outskirts of the swamp. This one, Vilkas and Inigo went to sleep in our respective rooms, but the thunder woke this one in the early hours of the morning.

She stepped out into the main room and found the innkeep had gone to bed. The candles were still lit and burning dimly, and the pitter patter of rain feel against the windows.

Inigo was awake and sitting at one of the tables. This one asked if he was alright and he replied, "I am fine, my friend. The thunder woke me."

His hands were trembling against the table, a sight which unnerved this one. He has only ever trembled in Nordic tombs. He thinks this one does not notice. She does.

He caught this one staring at his shaking hands and he confessed, "I was a wreck after my brother died, and took skooma for many years. It numbed the pain, and robbed me of everything else."

"He would have understood, no?"  
"No. He would have been disappointed in me. I know I was."  
"But you do not use it anymore?"  
"I will never touch the stuff again. My body craves it from time to time, but my mind and soul knows the cost of it. You know the cost of it."  
"How, exactly?"  
"You and I met on a job for a rich noble. He wanted us to kill his brothers. He promised good money, enough for an addict to want for nothing ever again. I thought you would kill me. I hadn't had my fix in a while and I was paranoid. I wanted that money, and so I tried to kill the first person I called friend since Fergus for skooma."

Again, this one's mind was reeling. This one told him, "Inigo, J'Hirra does not remember any of it. Are you positive-,"  
"My friend, stop. I am not crazy! Our meeting was real, the skooma cravings were real, everything I felt after your body hit the floor was real. My friend, it shamed me deeply to know what I'd done. I was certain the world would be better off without me in it."

This one felt something cold fall into her stomach. "You didn't try to-?"  
"Kill myself? Of course. At the time, I was sure it was the only possible solution; I would never hurt anyone again, I might see my brother, my father and my mother again, and I would never crave the substance wreaking havoc on my body and mind."

This one felt sick. She could not fathom the thought. Inigo's smiles were brighter than Masser and Secunda combined, and he could make jokes under the executioners axe. How could one such as he have ever visited such dark, horrible places?

Before Inigo could go into detail of his attempted suicide, this one put her arms around him and pulled him close.  
"Inigo, the world is a better place because you live in it. You are the wisest, kindest person this one knows. This one is so happy we met, so please do not ever think such things."

Inigo patted this one's shoulder. "My friend, it is alright. You do not have to trouble yourself with me."  
"You've been nothing but supportive of this one since she has known you. She would like to do the same for you."  
"You have, in more ways than you know. Because of you, my world is a brighter place. You've given me a second chance at life, a fresh start. You really cannot give me more than that, and I do not need you to."  
"If you ever find yourself thinking such stupid things, come to this one and she will knock those thoughts out of your head. Vilkas will help her."  
"Alright, alright, I'll be careful not to wander too close to cliffs or play with any ropes around you."

This one pushed him way to look him in the eyes. "She is serious, Inigo. You are not worthless, you are not a disappointment or a burden; you matter, you are important." His ears flattened back and the corners of his eyes crinkled.  
"I...Thank you, J'Hirra. I still have so much to make up for, but you've given me purpose. I feel like I am finally on the right track. Things can only get better from here."  
"Yes, they can.


	25. Entry 26 The Very Annoying Blade

Entry 26

Morndas, 15th of Heartfire

Finally, a chance to rest. Khajiit, Inigo and Vilkas have been traveling none stop since yesterday. Yesterday evening, after this one's conversation with Inigo, we three arrived at the tomb of Jurgen Windcaller. As we prepared to enter, Inigo dismounted his steed, Rusher, and sighed. "So, we're going into the tomb of the founder of the Voice? I have high hopes for singing zombies. A song will make this place bearable." Sadly, they did not sing.

It was an unpleasant place. You'd think the tomb of such an important man would be better preserved! The place was infested! First there were necromages camped inside, resurrecting bodies. Thankfully none of them were raising chickens. Chickens and the undead combined might have given Inigo a nervous breakdown, no?

Then there were the draugr, then there was a whole room with floorplates that nearly burned us both to a crisp when we stepped on them, only good for killing the spiders that were chasing us. Vilkas caught himself on fire multiple times while this one and Inigo, with our catlike reflexes, danced across the floorboards with ease.

No, we actually danced. Inigo sang a spider killing song as we peppered them with arrows while they burned alive trying to catch us. It was fun, though Vilkas' patience was severely strained and he still smells a little charred, heh... But finally, we found our way to the tomb. As this one entered, great statues rose up out of the water as if to greet her. However, the horn was gone. Vilkas was furious, Inigo bemused.

In it's place was a note requesting J'Hirra to book the attic room at the Sleeping Giant Inn in Riverwood. On the way to Riverwood, we delved into Frostmere Crypt in search of a sword, stolen from a bandit chief by one of his own men. Khajiit is still not certain why, but returning the sword sealed away this creature called a Wispmother. Whatever. Vilkas and this one traveled over night to Riverwood and got to the inn in the early hours of the morning where Khajiit approached the innkeep and asked for the attic room.

There was no attic room. A clever trick. Awaiting us there was the innkeep who was also the woman Khajiit saw speaking with Farangar after she retrieved the dragonstone which was actually a map of ancient dragon burial grounds. She led us to a secret room below the inn and was infuriatingly vague; only saying that she was part of a group looking for someone like J'Hirra for a very long time.

At first, she ticked this one off. She had the nerve to insist she needed to trust Khajiit before divulging anything. She couldn't' trust _this one_? She left a mysterious note, stole a horn this one was supposed to fetch, and she is very obviously in hiding for reasons she took forever to reveal! Makes this one's fur bristle still to think about it!

But whatever. She demanded this one accompany her to kill a dragon as proof that she is Dragonborn. Feh. This one shouldn't have to prove anything to her, but fine.

Speaking of dragons, it turns out they are being brought back to life! Yes, Khajiit could scarcely believe it. What necromancer could have the power to bring a dragon back to life? None, that is for sure!

Once we reached Kynegrove, the dragon was already being resurrected, but by another dragon; the same dragon that destroyed Helgen.

He spoke to this one, mocked her for being arrogant to take the title of Dovahkiin despite not even knowing their language. The dragon, Sahloknir, crawled from his grave, a skeletal beast at first, then came his scales, then his claws and he took flight, reborn.

The big black dragon flew away and left Khajiit, Vilkas, Inigo and Delphine to battle the risen dragon. The dragon fell to this one's blade and Khajiit smirked as she absorbed its soul while Delphine gaped in astonishment.

Delphine confessed to being the last remaining member of a group of dragon slayers called the Blades who were all wiped out by the Thalmor. That explains her paranoia, yes?

Blades have always existed to guide and guard the Dragonborn, the truest dragon slayer of them all but after the last Dragonborn Emperor's death 200 years ago, they have been without purpose. She believes the Thalmor to be behind the dragon attacks and Khajiit thinks there may be a nugget of truth.

As she said, the Empire had Ulfric; the war was over and then the dragon attacks and the war is back on. They have much to gain from the chaos, no? The Thalmor are never trustworthy and certainly worth investigating. She can't get the image of those red eyes, burning in that black dragon's face. They are haunting.

Delphine requested to meet up in Riverwood, she wishes to plan out our next move. By the sounds of it, she wishes to smuggle this one into the Thalmor Embassy. Gods… Tomorrow, Khajiit will return the horn to the Greybeards.

For now, sleep. We're back at the Vilemyr Inn in Ivarstead. The inn's keeper gave us two single beds, but this one curled up in the same bed with Vilkas and we both fit fine. Inigo took the spare so no naughty business tonight. Not that either of us have the energy. The limited space just means we get to hold one another tight. Vilkas is already knocked out. How did Khajiit ever get involved in such madness?

Everything is changing so quickly. At least Khajiit is not alone in this.


	26. Entry 27 Delphine's Invitation

Entry 27

Middas, 17th of Heartfire

Something has shifted between this one and Inigo. As of yesterday, he has been very quiet, and his jokes are few and far between. This one has wanted to inquire, but there has been little time to stop and chat. She will have to remember to bring it up at some point when there is time.

It took a bit for Delphine to do it, but this one is to meet a Bosmer named Malborn at the Winking Skeever in Solitude. He will smuggle gear into the Thalmor Embassy for her. This one is then to report to Delphine who will give her an invitation to the Thalmor Embassy party. A high risk mission, certainly, but Khajiit thinks that this will be worth it. Even if the Thalmor aren't involved, if we can just find anything at all that will point us in the right direction, Khajiit will do this.

Vilkas nor Inigo can come. He is worried. He doesn't say so, but this one can tell. He is moodier than usual, grumbling that this may be a waste of time and that this is simply too big a risk to take. He doesn't like Delphine. He thinks she is using this one to restore the Blades and this one would have to agree a little. But our goals are common, no? We wish an answer as to why the dragons have returned and this one believes we can find answers together so she will keep the claws at bay. He snapped at Delphine before we left the inn.

"Just a moment," Vilkas laid his hand on this one's shoulder as he moved around her to face Delphine. "I don't like this."

"I wasn't aware I was supposed to care what you liked or what you didn't like. This is the plan I made, we're sticking by it."

"Aye, and your plan stinks. It's too dangerous. She is the only one who can kill these dragons for good. She can't go into the Thalmor Embassy."

"Vilkas," this one tried to interrupt.

"I refuse to let you! Given the current situation, you're not someone we can afford to lose. Even then, I'd be damned before I let you go face the Thalmor alone. Get someone else to do this, Delphine."

"And who do you propose I get, exactly? She's the only one I trust with this kind of high-risk mission. Any other person I send in might blow the whole operation."

"I'll do it." This one's heart plummeted at those words. Delphine snorted.

"You? No offense, but I wouldn't trust you not to sneeze around the Thalmor."

"You're not sending my wife into almost certain death! Her life matters nothing to you so long as you get to restore your order!"

"She isn't 'your wife', she's the Dragonborn and either you get to grandstand or she gets to help uncover a Thalmor plot!"

"I can't believe you'd endanger her life like this! If her destiny truly is wound up with the dragons and she dies in there, what then?! Either let me go in her stead or go yourself!"

"Didn't you listen to a word I said? I can't go in there! The Thalmor will have me killed. She needs to be the one to do this."

"So you'd sooner have the first Dragonborn in years die? For what? All your talk about how important she is and you'd risk her life? Coward!" This one touched his arm firmly and tried to say something to calm him.

"I'm the last Blade; if I die the order is lost!"

"Damn your order; if J'Hirra dies then the Blades won't be worth horseshit! Give me that invitation!"

She drew her blade. "Come get it!"

"Whoa there, my friends!" said Inigo, "While you two have been arguing over J'Hirra, neither of you have stopped to ask what she wants. How about instead of trying to make a decision for her, you ask what would be best for her?"  
"This one will go, only so she knows she will never have to hear either of you making fools of yourselves!"

This one snatched the invitation from Delphine and marched around Vilkas. She never wanted to hear Vilkas volunteer to risk his life for her again, as if somehow, her life meant more than this when the exact opposite is true. She never wanted to hear another word about the Blades. She just wanted to go and get this over with. She marched from the inn and Vilkas tailed after her, oddly silent. Khajiit wanted to be alone. She cannot stand the thought of losing him and she is still furious and terrified by how quickly he was ready to take her place.

As we reached the gate leading out of Riverwood, Khajiit turned and said, "Go back to Jorrvaskr."

"Why? If you're thinking I haven't any faith in you, you're wrong. You could crush those damn Thalmor with little effort. I just hated how quick she was to throw you into danger, that's all."

"You won't be allowed inside the Embassy, there's little reason for you to come. Go back to Jorrvaskr and check in with everyone there. This one will see you at Breezehome."

"J'Hirra, let me take your place, let Inigo. Skyrim can't afford to lose you, and neither can I."

"Stop talking like that and go home! This one will not have you begging to throw your life away! It's pathetic! You're not dying to some Thalmor in this one's stead, if you die, you'll either die at this one's claws for ever suggesting such a stupid thing, or in your sleep at a ripe old age. This one needs you, Vilkas. If you die, the fate of this world means nothing. So shut up and go home and wait for this one to come back!"

Vilkas' eyes were blazing and Khajiit thought for certain that he would keep insisting, saying those stupid words over and over again. "Is this an order from the Harbinger?"

"It is. Go and oversee the Companions in this one's stead. We've been gone a long while and doubtlessly they are drinking rather than doing their duties." Vilkas clenched his jaw and his eyes remained locked on this one's eyes.

"As you wish." His voice was heavy. "I'll be at home if you need me. Die in there and I'll find a necromancer to raise you so I can kill you again."

"This one isn't dying, Stupid Dog. This one has Wuuthrad; those Elves will be begging for mercy. But fine. Just don't get too badly beaten by this one's zombie, yes?"

He said nothing and turned, greatsword slung over his shoulder. He walked away with leaden feet and Khajiit felt the distance between us grow in her heart.

"Do not worry, my friend. I will keep him occupied. Give the Thalmor a good beating for me!" Inigo assured her, but she misses him even now, riding in the back of this carriage, bound for Solitude. She will not die. Firstly, because dying to the Thalmor would be humiliating. Secondly, she can't let those sad grey eyes be the last thing she sees of Vilkas. Thirdly, this one supposes she does have to save the world for as long as people like Vilkas and Inigo exist in it, it is a good place to be.


	27. Entries 28-29 Party at the Embassy

Entry 28

Turdas, 18th of Heartfire

Finally in Solitude. It wasn't a comfortable trip in the back of that carriage. It was dull and lonely without Vilkas by this one's side, telling stories of his travels or joking about that silly, stupid thing Farkas did this time or that, and this one wishes Inigo were here to hear his comments on all the snobby nobility this one will be bumping elbows with. We'd make such fools of ourselves. Neither of us belong in such surroundings; we'd gorge ourselves on gourmet sweetrolls and get drunk off the finest wines until they'd be forced to throw us out!

This one and Vilkas are so far away from each other and this fact sits heavy on this one's heart. We've been together near constantly since this one was made Harbinger, not having him here feels like a piece is missing. Like one of this one's ears are missing, or a leg got taken off. Something like that, yes? But now Khajiit will meet this wood elf at the inn. What shall she smuggle in? Wuuthrad, check. A few health, magicka and stamina potions, check. Her armor, possibly but Khajiit fancies slaughtering the Thalmor as a werewolf. Yes, she shall do that. Fun, no?

Khajiit is now in a carriage going up to the embassy. So much insanity ensured! Just before this one could board, a dragon attacked and Khajiit had to kill him with the help of the town guards and only a bow! She'd given all her gear to Malborn. She also may have forgotten to wear something more modest under her armor aside from her underwear, so when she gave her armor to Malborn, she was a little naked. Woops. But the carriage is approaching the embassy now. Khajiit hopes this won't be a complete headache.

Entry 29

Fredas, 19th of Heartfire

Khajiit got out of the embassy at 1:00 in the morning. What a night! Khajiit may have gotten an innocent serving girl arrested by the Thalmor for angering a guest whose advances she refused, but she needed a distraction to slip away from the party. Once inside, Malborn led this one through the kitchens and to a chest containing her gear. He closed the door behind this one and Khajiit was left alone. She transformed once inside and came to with a bunch of dead Thalmor around her and standing before a locked chest. Inside were notes; dossiers on Delphine and Ulfric Stormcloak. Delphine's location is unknown but they know she is alive. Ulfric is labeled as an asset to the Thalmor to be kept alive.

She took a torture room key off a Justiciar corpse and went into the next room. Upon reading the dossiers in the nearby chest, this one discovered that the Thalmor are looking for a man named Esbern, believed to be in Riften. Esbern is the loremaster of the Blades and may have answers about the return of the dragons. Alas, the Thalmor know as much as we do about the dragons and they also thought that someone was responsible for their return. Khajiit freed a prisoner in a nearby cell and above her, two guards walked in, escorting Malborn. Khajiit slew them and rescued him but he wasn't happy. The Thalmor will be after him all his life. Khajiit escaped through a trap door with Malborn and the prisoner and we went separate ways once outside.

Khajiit boarded a carriage to take her to Whiterun. Downstairs, Inigo was snoozing in a chair by the fire, the book _Kolb the Dragon_ dangling from his paw. Upstairs, Vilkas was asleep in bed and Khajiit's heart was glad to see him. She curled up beside him and gently woke him. At the sight of her, his arms were around her, holding this one so tightly it almost hurt. He pressed his face into her shoulder and sighed with contentment. "Welcome back." He whispered, his deep voice, dry from sleep, rumbling against her skin. Khajiit held him close and felt his lips against her shoulder, then her neck. "This one is glad to see you."

Vilkas moved just far away enough to look her in the eyes. "Aye, me too." His hand caressed her cheek and this one nuzzled his forehead. We shared an eager kiss and Vilkas asked, "Did you find anything useful in there?" This one shook her head. "J'Hirra found only information regarding an Esbern character. The Thalmor are looking for him in Riften. Khajiit needs to bring this information to Delphine later today. May she rest beside you, or are you angry?"

"I wasn't angry at you, just that Delphine woman. This quest is going to give me grey hairs, J'Hirra."  
"So sorry, dearest one. This one will not send you away again, not unless it is absolutely important. This one missed you dearly."  
"As did I. By the Gods, it's so stupid, but I…" He snorted.  
"What is?" This one asked, kissing his forehead, combing her claws gingerly through his hair.  
"I've seen you win countless battles. You've proven your strength time and time again and yet I still worry about you. I only fell asleep because I was up half the night after you left."  
"Worrying? About J'Hirra?"  
"I can't seem to help it." He growled and frustration seeped into his voice. "I don't often worry, but when I do, it's almost always about you. I don't like it. You make me feel weak with worry at times."  
"Why? This one can handle herself, you know this, yes?"  
"Of course I do, that's what makes it so infuriating. No one is more capable than you are and yet when things get dangerous, I'm get so worried that…"

He stopped, unwilling to go further.  
"That what? You can tell this one."

Vilkas sighed and drew this one closer, resting his chin on her shoulder. "That I'm going to lose you. I can't bear the thought. When you left, I thought for certain that you'd never come back." He confessed this in a breathless, shaky whisper. The gruffness of his voice quivered and he held this one fast. This one's heart beat faster to know she was so needed. "Of course she would come back, Stupid Dog. This one could not let that conversation be our last." J'Hirra pulled away to look him in the eyes and though he was embarrassed, he met her gaze. Vilkas' gaze darkened and he said,

"We stick together. I can't promise to like Delphine, but I'll not have you getting upset at me again for not being able to hold my damn tongue. Things are getting dangerous, J'Hirra. If either of us dies, our time spent together isn't going to be spent in anger or fear. Alright?"  
"Alright. Vilkas, this one will not order you away, so don't leave J'Hirra again."  
"Got it."

We kissed. This time it was full of desperation and need and this one's whole body burned for him. This one didn't beg, but merely asked politely for him to make love to her and so we did. It was frantic and fast and full of heat and remembering it makes this one want him all over again. This one left scratches on his back that he's still grumbling about. Serves him right.

After a nap we went together to Riverwood. Vilkas was a good boy and held his tongue while this one spoke to Delphine. At first, she doubted that the Thalmor truly weren't behind the attack and Khajiit got a little sharp with her for not believing her. Delphine was astonished to hear Esbern was alive and told J'Hirra that she believes he may be hiding in the Ratway, whatever that is, and suggested J'Hirra speak to a man named Brynjolf upon arriving in Riften. He is 'well-connected', meaning a thief, no? Great. Probably someone from the Guild. But Esbern must be found before the Thalmor get him. He sounds like the only one that might finally be able to give us all some answers. To Riften we go!


	28. Entry 30 Wipe the Slate Clean

Entry 30

Loredas, 20th of Heartfire

Ah, what an exhausting day! Khajiit hardly wishes to write but any excuse to rest her feet must be taken. This one, Inigo and Vilkas just arrived with Esbern from Riften to the Sleeping Giant Inn. What a trip. Much has happened so let's start from the beginning. This one and Vilkas set off early this afternoon from Whiterun for Riften. We traveled through the mountain pass just behind the ruins of Helgen. A cold but more even trip, no steep hills to exhaust this one.

Once in Riften, Khajiit retrieved Inigo and with his knowledge of the city, he helped us find this Brynjolf fellow and he was about as honest as a thief could be. J'Hirra asked for his help locating Esbern and instead he asked for a favor first. Khajiit insisted that this Esbern was a friend, that his life was in peril, yes, and the man refused to offer her help! Khajiit nearly caved in her haste and asked what he wanted; he wanted this one to steal from an honest merchant and plant the stolen item on another merchant! Naturally Khajiit refused. Vilkas dragged her away with a sneer the thief's way.  
Inigo suggested, "You know, there are sewer passages beneath the city. The Ratway, it is called. Those tunnels might serve as a good hiding place."

Inigo led this one and Vilkas to the lower walkway and we descended into the sewers full of low-lives, criminals and the insane. We killed a couple bandits and proceeded through to the Ragged Flagon, a tavern in the cistern. Khajiit tried to ask the brute guarding the entrance but he refused to speak to her, in fact, everyone there was very distrustful of her. She got into a brawl with the barkeeper and he told her that the old man was in the warrens. Khajiit took the nearest door out and she and Vilkas were assaulted by Thalmor on the other side.

We made quick work of them and hurried onward. Khajiit was afraid that they'd gotten here first and found him. Soon, Khajiit reached a small residential area. Locked doors everywhere with inane mumbling coming from behind every one. Khajiit took a wrong turn into a chief's room and the man tried to butcher her. She then fell down through a hole and encountered what she presumes was an Imperial army deserter. He said something about a medal with a face on it and how he threw it away and how it didn't help him.

Then, Vilkas called this one over. He'd found a door covered in chains with a peephole. We knocked and an old man answered but refused to come out until this one told him what Delphine asked her to tell him; "Remember the 30th of Frostfall." He did and let us in. He told us that the big, black dragon that attacked Helgen is named Alduin; he devours the souls of the living and the dead and that this will lead to the end of the world since no one can stop him.

However, this one quickly assured him that she was Dragonborn and hope filled the old man's face. He seemed to believe that because this one is Dragonborn, there is hope after all. We left, quickly, and ran for Riverwood. We became separated in our haste to leave the city, however.

This one ran down the mountainside and encountered a bandit fort. Thinking the fort would be a good place to hide from the Thalmor, this one charged inside. In her haste to make quick work of them, this one transformed and remembers little. She came to outside the keep and discovered Esbern and the others had found her. Vilkas and Inigo were arguing as per usual;  
"Dammit, cat, you lost her again!"  
"Me? She took off so quickly!"  
Maybe this one should stop charging ahead, yes? The boys will get gray hairs at this point.

Esbern ushered her back inside, babbling about a man needing help. Apparently, this one slaughtered the bandits, ran inside, and nearly gave this man a heart attack. He'd have attacked her if not for Vilkas and Esbern's assurance that she was to be trusted even in her bestial state. The man was looking for his wife, whom he believed was held captive to the bandits here. Despite our hurry, this one and her friends agreed to help him. The three of us ransacked the tower, slaughtering bandits and Khajiit even managed to severe one's head for the first time!

The leader of these bandits turned out to be the man's wife who ran away from him to seek adventure. How annoying, couldn't she have resolved her marital problems before becoming a bandit chief? She asked this one to please get rid of him so this one convinced her husband that she had long since fled and that was the end of that.

Now in the dead of night, we are back in Riverwood and Delphine and Esbern can't stop talking to one another. Esbern tells us that we need to find Alduin's Wall, an artifact from the Blades that tells of his history and his return. This one hopes to learn more about this World Eater as Esbern called him. If he returned, surely he must have been defeated. Perhaps this Wall tells of his defeat! It is in Cloud Ruler Temple in the Karthspire. Ugh. More Forsworn. This one will deal with them tomorrow. For now she will sleep beside Vilkas.

* * *

It turns out, this one's mind was simply too occupied for sleep. She got up to stretch her legs and found Inigo wide awake and enjoying a late nigth sweetroll.  
This one figured now would be a good time to have a chat with him. He really has been far too quiet lately.  
"Is everything alright? You've seemed distracted lately."  
"No. I...There is something I need to tell you." His voice was unusually serious and this one took a seat beside him with her heart in her throat.  
Inigo took a moment, his brow furrowed as he pieced together what needed to be said.  
"Give me a moment...this isn't easy for me...Alright..." He hesitated. This ones nerves tensed and strained. "Inigo-?  
"I am in love with you, J'Hirra." This one was dumbfounded. She had no idea what to say, what to do.  
"Just kidding." This one smacked his arm as he chuckled, that familiar twinkle lighting up his eyes.

"No, that is not what I wanted to say, but you should have seen your face, my friend!"  
"That was not funny! What would you have done if this one returned you feelings?"  
"I would be in a coffin courtesy of Vilkas, of course!" His humor sobered.  
"I want to talk about our past. I...I think I have misled you, my friend."  
"Inigo, this one has said from the beginning she is not who you say she was."  
"I know." His voice trembled and he looked down at the table, his sweetroll long forgotten on the plate by his fingertips which were curling against the wood.

"You...look so much like her. You even smell similar. You're similar in deeds, in the strength of your spirit. When I heard the rumors about you, I thought for certain it was her. I needed to believe it was her. I wanted so badly to believe I hadn't fallen so far, but I have. She is dead because of me, and I still have so much to make up for."  
"Who?"  
"My friend. The one who accompanied me on the noble's job, the one I fought alongside, the one who made me feel like I was finally worth something again, like I had a shot at a new beginning. The one I shot and killed. I needed to believe it was her. I lied to you, my friend, and I am sorry. I was selfish."  
This one was speechless again. She felt for him, but she also felt a sliver of anger and hurt. "So, has everything you've said and done been a lie? It cannot be so."  
"Our friendship began with a lie. It's fitting that it ends with the truth." Inigo stood up and grabbed his pack.

"Goodbye, my friend. I just want you to know I meant everything I said that night in Morthal. But I can't ask for anymore chances from you. Farewell."  
This one grabbed his arm before he could leave.  
"So this one won't offer any; she doesn't need to. J'Hirra just needs you to stay by her side."  
"Really?" Hope gleamed in Inigo's eyes. "No. No, my mind is made up. I cannot ask for your forgiveness or your friendship. I don't deserve it."  
This one took his hands in her eyes and said, "Surely this one is the best judge of that. Inigo, we both have much to forgive ourselves for, maybe now is a good time to start."

Truthfully, this one does not know if she can forgive herself for her mother's death, but Inigo is stronger than she is. He is on the right path, whereas this one still cannot lay eyes on Windhelm without bitter feelings rising up inside of her. She told him this and he shook his head. "I respectfully disagree. You are the better of the both of us and I know, because being with you has made me want to be the man you have seen within me; the man you respect and care for and trust. The man worthy of a second chance, who has the courage to seek a better life for himself."

"So then do it! You can be that man, Inigo, because he is already a work in progress within you. You are strong, friend. Who else could have the courage to face his mistakes, own up to them, and try to come out a better person?"  
Inigo blinked, his eyes sparkling. "You...calling me friend. You have no idea what it means to me." This one clasped his hands tightly.  
"This one means it. She has never had someone to call friend. You know this one in ways no one else does, we understand one another. So let's start over and try to begin afresh." Inigo held her hands tightly.  
"The one I called my friend is dead, and I will carry that guilt with me for a very long time. But I want to start over again, and I want to do it with you and Vilkas. No more regrets...No more secrets, no more lies. I promise you, my friend."

This one believes he can do it. From here on out, Inigo forges a new path for himself; one built on noble deeds and honor, and he will not walk it alone.  
Perhaps, one day, we will both find it in ourselves to let go and forgive, but for this one that day is still a long, long way off, Mother.


	29. Entry 31 The Cursed Ring

Entry 31

Sundas, 21st of Heartfire

Khajiit may have gotten herself into a pickle, yes? This one and her friends set off for the Reach to find Alduin's wall, where the foremasters of the Blades recorded all their knowledge of the black dragon and how he may be defeated.

Wishing not to draw attention, this one opted to travel separately with Ingio and Vilkas. Besides, Esbern is slow and Delphine annoys this one. We reached the pine forest through the back of Helgen and encountered a lovely waterfall. On the hill above the small falls was a burned down home with two charred corpses. We set off through a frozen cave and through it we accessed the top of the mountain where a dragon awaited us. This one slew him, claimed his soul, and unlocked a word for an existing shout. Inigo shuddered.

"My friend, forgive me for saying this, but I cannot get used to you absorbing another creature's soul!" Inigo told this one, his ears flattened.  
Vilkas on the other hand was smiling. "That's my girl."

But that was fun. This is not! After we left the dragon's lair we arrived in Falkreath. Khajiit simply wished to explore and came upon the largest cemetery she'd seen. It turns out Falkreath is the home of many battles throughout history. There, a couple mourned the loss of their cub. Killed by a werewolf. Khajiit feels both pity and disgust for those that cannot control their transformation. She sought the murderer out in his cell in the barracks. He expressed deep remorse, only wishing to live a normal life. He sought out and stole a ring from the Hungry Cat. A foolish mistake.

He thought the ring could control his transformations and perhaps it could but it is cursed since he stole it. Instead, it forces the wearer to unpredictably transform. Khajiit felt compelled to do this man a service and return the ring. So much for a good deed! The moment she touched the ring, it slid onto her finger and the thing still will not come off!

This one left the inn, not thinking much of it, then felt the change coming upon her. She raced into the woods like Oblivion was on her heels and came to in Helgen surrounded by dead bandits. The boys caught up to her, carrying her armor. This one turned to them for advice.  
"What should this one do? What if it never comes off!"  
"It will, dear. We need more information. Maybe there's some books on Hircine and this ring at the College." Vilkas said.  
"This one has no time to read, Vilkas!"

Inigo said, "My friend, if it comes down to it, I can always chop off your finger. As a last resort, of course."  
Vilkas growled, "Go on and try, furball."  
"Well, we have to do something, dogbreath. No, wait a moment, your idea about more information wasn't bad. Didn't Sinding mention an aspect of Hircine he wanted to appease before his capture? He said it look like an elk? No, a chicken, no...A deer! Maybe we hunt down that beast and-,"  
"Get information from the Deadra himself. Sound like a plan, J'Hirra?"

It certainly did, this one just hopes it works. Otherwise she may jsut have to ask Inigo to take off her finger, and she doesn't wish to endanger his life. Or lose her finger. Curses! She should not always be so nice! This one is losing hairs thinking about when she will transform!


	30. Entry 32 Skyhaven Temple

!Entry 32

Tirdas, 23rd of Heartfire

With a snap of his bowstring, Inigo shot down the white stag and the spirit of the aspect of Hircine rose from the body. This one asked if the Lord Cat would remove the curse from this ring and he demanded a service from this one. He had been watching this one for quite a long while now, probably since she first became a werewolf, yes? He wished to make her his Champion, but only if this one would hunt down and kill the wolf that stole the ring. Khajiit did not wish to offend, but told the Lord Cat she wished no harm to him. He can't control what he does and he only wished to live a normal life.

Hircine stated that he wished no vengeance upon him, just a fruitful hunt. He told this one to go and hunt Sinding in Bloated Man's Grotto, or the other hunters would. He left it up to her. Khajiit chose to go, of course. She wished to help Sinding for she felt pity for him. When she and her friends arrived, the moon hung low and red in the grotto. A fellow Khajiit lay bleeding and he died shortly after we spoke. The hunters were strong, but the prey was stronger. Khajiit, Inigo and Vilkas drew our weapons and hurried further in.

Sinding stood on a jut of rock above us. He begged this one to leave as he wished no harm to her. He told her he only wanted to live here in peace, away from people, as now he knew he could never live among them. Khajiit could not let him die. She transformed and as werewolves we confronted the hunters and they became the hunted that night. Once all of them lay dead, Sinding wished this one well, stating he would make his home here.

Khajiit left him and found the aspect of Hircine awaiting us outside. He wasn't angry that this one had denied his request, if anything, he was impressed with this one's strength. He saw her off with a blessing; his ring, free of its curse. Vilkas was astonished. "I've read many tomes about Hircine's ring. I seem to remember a certain book saying that the ring had restorative effects, or something of that ilk. Something about how the ring preserved enough of the wearer's strength to allow for additional transformations. Worth investigating?"

Indeed. If this is true, Khajiit may have enough vigor after the first transformation to attempt another! Exciting. And the ring can be removed! Thank the Gods!  
This one is exhausted. The inn we are resting in is interesting; it is called Old Hroldan and the room Khajiit is staying in belonged to Tiber Septim after one of his first battles. Khajiit will rest now beside Vilkas who will not stop chattering about how incredible it is to sleep in the same bed as Tiber Septim. Gods. He is too cute sometimes. We are in the Reach now and should find Delphine and Esbern come morning.

* * *

The place is haunted! Khajiit was awoken a little in her sleep by a scream. A ghost is sitting at one of the tables, clad in ancient nord armor. When this one spoke to him, he called her Hjalti, a name Vilkas tells this one Tiber Septim once went by. He wishes for this one to give him some sword, he claims Hjalti promised him the sword to him as a show of their brotherly bond, or something of that sort, yes? Too intriguing to pass up. Esbern is slow. Perhaps he and Delphine aren't quite there yet.

* * *

Khajiit found Delphine and Esbern while roaming the hills looking for this ghost's sword, which turned out to be more trouble than it was worth! Khajiit killed a dragon, very tough fight, then stumbled off a cliff ledge and into a forsworn camp. Coincidentally, Delphine and Esbern were just outside the came and heard this one shouting those foolish forsworn into oblivion. We charged into Sky Haven Tempe, butchering forsworn as we went. At last, we came to a door that would not open unless the blood seal on the ground was activated. It was a creepy door, shaped like a gigantic head! Khajiit thinks it was Raman Cyrodiil's head. Alas, Khajiit had to be the one to draw blood for the seal. Of course.

Once we were inside, Esbern nearly lost himself in the architecture. Typical old man. We found the Wall, a beautiful tapestry made from stone, depicting the Dragon War and the enslavement of the people of Skyrim.

Then came the Tongues, masters of the Way of the Voice. They used a shout to fell Alduin from the sky. But what shout? Delphine thinks the Greybeards might know as this one has no clue what it could be. She hates the Greybeards, she believes them to be cowardly and afraid of the power they wield. This one believes there is much to fear from great power, one must be careful not to abuse it.

This one has no intentions of abusing her own power however, but the fact that she wields such incredible abilities is, at times, a little frightening even to her. This one is off to speak to the Greybeards, then. Delphine also asked that this one bring people to her for recruitment into the Blades. She asked if Vilkas would consider joining. Vilkas just about sneered but was respectful enough. He said, "Last time we spoke, you didn't trust me not to sneeze around the Thalmor, remember?"

"Maybe you're more capable than I gave you credit for. You chopped those Forsworn to pieces. Besides, you and the Dragonborn have the most experience with dragons I've met besides Esbern and I. We could use people like you."

"I'll pass. Don't mistake me; the Blades were honorable enough. Killing dragons isn't a task anyone undertakes lightly and to face those beasts is of the highest honor I can imagine. But my place is by her side."

Delphine nodded. "Keep her safe."

"I don't need you to tell me that." Vilkas growled and his hand tightened on this one's shoulder, as if he were telling her that this was a promise. We discovered new armor sets within the old chests in the Temple but Khajiit needs to unload all her dragon bones before she can wear it. She collected many today. The dragons are coming back in great numbers. She even encountered Alduin again, raising another dragon. Fortunately he was weakened from his long slumber and easily put down. Khajiit just wants to sink her axe into Alduin's scales but without the shout to fell him, he is airborne.

"Soon enough, my friend," Inigo said as Alduin's black wings blotted out the sun, his roar echoing on the wind, "Soon enough."

This one hopes he is right


	31. Entry 33 Love and Ruins

Entry 33

Middas, 25th of Heartfire

Khajiit spent most of yesterday looking for that stupid ghost's sword!

She ventured into the hills of the Reach and ran around, slaughtering Vampires, Vampire Thralls, their creepy dogs, butchering Forsworn and their Hag Ravens and finally found the tower housing the sword but the door was barred! She peered over the edge of a nearby cliff and saw what she thought for certain was the entrance but it was all the way down a steep cliff side. Khajiit simply could not find the proper way up to the stairs, so she was forced to climb all the way down the rocky, slippery cliff side to the stairs leading to the entrance.

Then she killed Forsworn as a werewolf. With the new ring, she is able to remember her transformations more clearly; she remembers screaming, tasting Forsworn flesh—they taste and smell like goats—, and feeling the slight tickle of their little arrows in her hide. Agh, but Khajiit was in a terrible mood when she finally found the stupid sword. How could such a place be so hard to find?!

And getting back to the inn was even more annoying! The Reach is terrible; too many rocks, too many steep hills that nearly trip you going down and that strain your legs in your heavy armor going up, too many Forsworn, too much fog! J'Hirra hates it! She, Inigo and Vilkas also became lost and couldn't find one another until we returned to the inn! The ghost was thankful at least. He rewarded her by teaching her a sword and shield technique! Does this one look like she uses either of those things!? Never again will Khajiit help ghosts!

But that was yesterday, this is today. After we left Hroldan Inn, we went back to Whiterun and Khajiit accompanied Farkas to the Rift. He was jealous hearing about his brother's conquests against the dragons and wished to fight one himself. Together, this one and Farkas slew a dragon. Khajiit has been saving their bones. She is not sure why. She wonders if Dragonbone armor is a thing. Her smithing is getting better and better. Perhaps she will discover a feasible way to make dragon armor.

While in the Rift, we stopped in Riften for a drink to celebrate our dragon slaying escapades. This one, Farkas, Vilkas and Inigo sat at the bar together, laughing and drinking, when Inigo stopped and stared in the doorway. This one followed his gaze and Farkas's mouth dropped down to his knees. A Nord woman stood in the doorway; she had long red hair and a battle axe over her shoulder. Beside her, Inigo spilled his drink down himself, having kept his mouth open too long.  
This one knew the woman, she'd seen her in passing around the city; Mjoll the Lioness, she is called. From what the locals say, she is trying to make Riften a better place by helping the locals.

"Whoa, what a beauty." Farkas said, his voice low.  
"Stars are beautiful," Inigo breathed, "Sunsets are beautiful, that woman is...unlike anything I have seen before."  
"Aye, I'll give you that." Vilkas said. This one smacked his hand. "Of course, you are more beautiful, dear!" He ammended.  
"Go and talk to her," This one pressed but Inigo shook his head. "No. I would not even know what to say..."  
"I'll talk to her." Farkas jumped to his feet and Inigo shot across the bar.

"H-Hello. You are not from here, I can tell. You have the most exotic air about you." Inigo said, tripping over his words, "I...I can see it in your eyes that you've traveled to all sorts of places."  
"Aye, that I have," Mjoll said, her voice thick with an accent, "My travels have taken me from Elsweyre to Morrowind and all points in between."  
"Have you ever been to Cyrodiil?"  
"No, I was going to, but the war has made passage difficult."  
"It is a beautiful land; lush and vibrant, and the Imperial city is beautiful. I tell you, no matter how far I traveled, whenever I saw the Imperial Palace on the horizon, I always felt like I was home. But this is where I want to be."  
"It sounds lovely, I always wanted to visit. But my traveling days are behind me. Riften and its people need me."  
"Oh, that's a pity. Why?"  
"I lost my blade, Grimsever, in a dwemer ruin. I took it as a sign, simple as that."  
"Oh."  
"Goodbye."  
"Yes, goodbye..."

Inigo slunk back to the bar and sat down, twiddling his thumbs on the bar.  
"That was smooth. You didn't even tell her your name." Vilkas said, hiding his smirk behind a flagon of mead.  
"She wasn't very interested in talking to me," Inigo said, drawing circles on the bar with his claw.  
This one got an idea. "Perhaps we could help her find her sword?" Inigo's ears pricked up.  
"Yes! We can find her sword! She will be head over heels for me!"  
Vilkas snorted. This one approached Mjoll and offered to help find Grimsever. She'd lost it in a dwemer ruin called Mzinchaleft. She marked the ruin on this one's map and so this one and her friends set off for the ruin.

Outside the ruins were a few bandits that went down with very little effort. Inside, Khajiit briefly overheard a few bandits talking about a mage that inhabited these ruins. Supposedly he was conducting research within the ruins and the bandits were stationed here to be his guards. We cut a path through the bandits and encountered the mage within a bedroom. He drew his staff and shot a jet of lightening at us, burning the wall between Farkas and this one. One beheading later and the mage no longer posed a threat.

Fighting our way past a few more bandits, dwarven spiders (much to Inigo's delight, the crazy wierdo), and some dwarven spheres, we found a door way leading to the lower levels, but it was cut off a series of gates, operated by levers. Pulling the levers in a certain order would open the way, but it was easier said than done!  
Many times, just when this one thought she had found the right combination, she would pull the wrong lever and close the opposite gate she needed to. During this process, she and her friends were often divided, locked up and glaring at one another through the bars. Inigo kept pulling the wrong lever and purposefully trapping Vilkas inside, only to have the same thing done to him when Vilkas got hold of a lever.

It was tedious, but we finally got through together and made our way into the depths of the ruins where we encountered Falmer lurking within. Khajiit has seen many monsters in her lifetime, but the Falmer chill her blood! The depths were flooded and much swimming was involved to get from place to place. Farkas cannot swim, so Vilkas had to give him some drift wood to float on.

Lots of splashing and swimming around, and many dead Falmer later, we walked through a gate and entered a plaza where we found a heavily armored Falmer waiting for us. We cut him down and proceeded through the plaza to the gatehouse. Traveling through these ruins makes this one shiver. How could such massize cities have emptied so quickly? The machinery still operates, pipes still hiss as steam passes through them, but the Dwarves are long gone. Where did they go? How?

We entered the gatehouse and confronted a massive machine! A Dwarven Centurion; the most deadly of the Dwemer's creations! A giant metal man that blows steam and knocks the wind from you with his pummels for hands. This one, Farkas, Inigo and Vilkas surrounded him and hacked away, denting his metal frame. Nothing worked! He was immune to our blows and yet we felt every one of his. Bolts flew into this one's back as Dwarven constructs rose from their spheres and rolled across the floor. Vilkas and Farkas split off to take them on and this one and Inigo flanked the Centurion. This one's battle axe punctured a hole in his chest, and Khajiit saw something whirring and spinning within his chest. Like an alien, metallic heart, no?

"Knock him down!" This one cried.  
"Don't forget to yell timber!" Inigo howled and he, Farkas and Vilkas charged, ramming into the Centurion's legs and tipping it onto its back. He fell with a crash, shaking the floor, and this one climbed on top of him and plunged her claw into his chest, ripping out his whirring, spinning heart! The Centurion twitched and sparked and went limp. This one shook Inigo's hand and he and Farkas shoved one another's shoulders. Vilkas tossed this one a glass sword. Grimsever! Our task was complete!

We returned to Riften and Inigo said, "My friend...let me give the sword to her."  
"No, I wanna give her the sword. You had your chance and she wasn't interested." Farkas said, grabbing the blade and trying to tug it away from Inigo.  
This one let them sort it out and released the sword and, still trying to wrestle it away from one another, they hurried up to Mjoll.  
"My lady, here is your sword." Farkas said, trying to tug the sword out of Inigo's grip, and he was elbowed in the ribs.  
"I don't believe it!" Mjoll exclaimed and tried to take the sword, but neither would let her.  
"It was no easy task, but it was worth it," Inigo chimed in, "Because you are worth it!"  
He wrenched on the sword and it slipped from his paws. He tried to catch it, but it flew over the railing and into the cistern!

This one and Vilkas were beside ourselves with laughter! We were crying! Inigo threw his paws over his mouth and Farkas cried, "Look what you did!"  
"I will get it," Mjoll began but Inigo said, shoving Farkas away as he ran for the stairs, "No, my lady, do not trouble yourself!"  
Neither of them got it. A young man climbed up the stairs, carrying the sword. "Mjoll, look! Grimsever!"  
"Oh, Aren, thank you! Did you get the potions we needed?"  
"Yes, now we can adventure together, like we always wanted."  
She swept him into her arms and they kissed. Farkas and Inigo stood, gaping, and this one was certain the sounds of their hearts breaking could be heard from here to the Throat of the World.

Vilkas took his brother by the shoulders and this one dragged Inigo to the inn, trying to stifle her laughter for his sake.  
They are both good men and will undoubtedly find love one day. Today was just not that day. (And boy is this one glad, because that was hilarious!)


	32. Entry 34 Paarthurnax

Entry 34

Middas, 1st of Frostfall

This morning we arrived in Ivarstead and climbed up the 7,000 steps to meet the Greybeards. Arngeir reacted sharply when J'Hirra asked to learn the shout used to defeat Alduin and this one was a little stung when he warned this one not to be a puppet to the Blades. Khajiit told him at once that though the blades were helping, she was by no means their puppet. She knows Delphine is just in this for herself. Arngeir apologized. Good. Khajiit despises the idea of arguing with him.

He doesn't like the Blades. He believes they have always turned the Dragonborn from the path of wisdom and perhaps that is true. Khajiit believes that her abilities as a dragonslayer are to be acknowledged as the Blades say, and that her Thu'um is not to be overused like the Greybeards wish. Is there no way to please both parties?

In any case, Arngeir knew the name of the shout, _Dragonrend_ , but not the words of power. He directed this one instead to Paarthurnax, their leader at the peak of the Throat of the World. The Greybeards taught this one a shout to clear away the mists keeping outsiders at bay; Clear Skies.

Then, this one, Inigo and Vilkas began the very long and winding climb to the top of the mountain. We slew trolls, a few frost wraiths, and this one accidentally killed a goat with her clear skies shout. She feels very bad...  
Then, as we reached the top of the mountain, a roar split the skies and a dragon landed before us. Yes, the dragon! Paarthurnax, the master of the Way of the Voice, is a dragon! Of course! It makes sense, no? Of course a dragon would be a master of the Way.

Paarthurnax was lonely indeed; he has lived on that mountain for years and years. He wished to be greeted as is tradition, and taught this one the final word to Yol. She used her Thu'um on him and made him a very happy dragon indeed. We spoke long into the night. He is quite the philosopher; he asked this one why she wished to defeat Alduin. This one knows now that the very reason she was born was to do so, but that aside this one likes this world.

Paarthurnax thought that was as good a reason as any. This one asked if he knew the shout to defeat Alduin but alas, he did not. Being a dragon, his mind cannot comprehend the meaning behind the shout. Arngeir says the shout is evil; that the ancient Nords under the enslavement of Alduin and his dragon cult poured all their hatred for dragons into the shout. When you absorbed a word of power, you take it's meaning into you. Arngeir believes that a part of you becomes the shout.

Khajiit may kill dragons but she has no hatred for them. They are just doing what is in their nature; setting fire to things and eating people. When the ancient Nords defeated Alduin, they didn't, not really. They used an elder scroll to cast Alduin forward into time. Paarthurnax has waited on this mountain for years, knowing where he would emerge, but not when. Paarthurnax tells this one that if she reads the scroll on the exact spot where time was shattered by the Ancients—a shimmering mist that flickers and weaves—, she may be able to go back to the other end of the break, yes?

Back in time to learn Dragonrend from the very people that created it! A more interesting alternative by far! Khajiit will speak to the Greybeards about just who in Skyrim might know of an elder scroll. Gods, is there even one in Skyrim? There must be! Before we set off back down the mountain, Vilkas took this one's arm and said, "You know the Blades can't know about him, don't you?"

"Paarthurnax? Of course. They'd want him killed." This one's fur bristles at the thought.  
"Dogbreath is right. Besides, Paarthurnax doesn't deserve such a fate," Inigo said, staring back towards the top of the mountain where we could still see Paarthurnax resting by the word wall. "I can't imagine how hard it must have been to deny himself his very nature. Yet he's done it and not only did he help the ancients lock Alduin away, he also teaches others in the Way. It takes a very rare individual to have the strength to change your nature _and_ the course of your life like that, and I for one respect him."

He doesn't deserve to be cut down because he is a dragon. Delphine and Esbern musn't know. If they did and if they went after him, Khajiit does not want to fight them down.

* * *

The months are simply flying by! To think, only a month ago, this one joined the Companions and got married within the following month. Crazy! Today we are heading for the College of Winterhold. Hopefully the mages there know of the location of the Elder Scroll we seek. We shall have to pass close to Windhelm. Khajiit's heart is heavy whenever she sees it, but is surprised to find a growing urge to revisit that place and see if anything has changed, if that man's house is still there. If it is, how would, this one feel? How would it feel to gaze upon such a nightmarish place but as a bigger, stronger person?

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but perhaps someday soon, this one will revisit, Mother. The memories are still so close and painful. Yet not as they once were. Whereas before those memories drove her rage and fighting spirit, now she fights with a full heart beside the man she loves and her best friend, and not only for herself or to vent her rage. She fights for the Companions, for Kodlak, for Vilkas and Inigo, and even for the future of Tamriel. It is a good place full of good people and it deserves to be free of Alduin.

Before we hit the road for Winterhold, we stopped at the Bee and Barb for some of that oh so sweet Black-Briar Mead. Khajiit just wishes she could say the Black-Briar's were half as sweet. Bunch of crooks. Khajiit was approached by a seedy looking fellow. Louis Letrush. He wished for this one's help in delivering a message to Sibbi Black-Briar, Maven's son.

He approached Sibbi to buy Frost, a beautiful Palomino horse and one of the finest breeding horses. Sibbi paid half the money upfront but was arrested and put in jail before they could finish their deal. Letrush wished for this one to find out where they were keeping Frost and take the lineage papers proving his worth. Khajiit had no desire to help this slimy fellow, but simply wished for a new horse. Walking across Skyrim in heavy armor takes its toll after a while, but this one's leg muscles certainly aren't anything to complain about!

Khajiit approached Sibbi, locked up in Riften jail, and found his cell full of the comforts of home! She was immediately hit on by Sibbi and Vilkas looked ready to smash his face in so Khajiit quickly asked about the horse. The expression on Vilkas' face, however, it set this one's blood flame. How passionately he feels for her. It never fails to surprise.

Frost was being kept at the Black-Briar estate on the outskirts of Riften. Sibbi was also complaining he'd had an affair and one of his flings found out and told her brother who came at him with a knife, hence the jail time. He wished vengeance upon this woman and Khajiit offered to find her if only to tell her to watch out after eight months.

"Eight months for murder?" Inigo said as we left. "By the Gods. People like him taint the city of Riften."

This estate was a hassle to find. Three assassins, two thieves, and five spiders later (Inigo was very happy indeed) we arrived at the estate and any doubts this one had about the morality of this mission were erased when she saw one of the guards taunting the horse with a carrot. Frost reached for it and was smacked across the snout. Khajiit charged in and killed the guards and promptly fed the poor beast the carrot.

Once inside the estate, we proceeded to the basement and grabbed the papers but this one had no intention of letting Frost go to Letrush. He is a fine stead and deserves to be treated well. We met up with Letrush deep in the woods and rather than hand Frost over, Khajiit threatened to tell Maven about everything and Letrush ran like Deadra were on his heels! Khajiit has a new horse, Vilkas didn't bash Sibbi's face in for flirting with this one, Inigo got to squish spiders, and Frost has a loving new owner! All's well that ends well!


	33. Entry 35 Divided

Entry 35

Turdas, 2nd of Frostfall

Khajiit rode Frost to Nightgate Inn. Vilkas rode alongside her on his steed, barrowed from the Riften stables. After we helped him with his debt, the stable hand has let us barrow the horses (Inigo has since called his horse Artax), but it feels good to have her own horse. Gods but it was cold. It is only the 2nd day of Frostfall and it is already so cold. Sometimes this one misses the warm sands of Khenarthi's Roost. Despite her thick armor, this one caught cold on the ride and Vilkas, riding beside her, removed his fur cloak.

"Go on, wear it." Khajiit did not wish for him to be cold but when she argued, Vilkas only insisted. Beneath his cloak, the faint smell of him surrounded her and his heat, still clinging there, warmed her. It is made of thick, dark bear fur and he looks very handsome in it. We rode past Kynesgrove and this one steeled her heart as we rode over the hill and saw the city of Windhelm below us.

If not for the memories, this one would have no trouble admitting that one can see the history from miles, and that the Nordic architecture is at its finest here, at least from the outside. Vilkas didn't say anything as this one brought Frost into a trot and steered him towards the stone bridge leading across the water to the city. She went no further than that. From here, she could see the docks below and remembered being carried off the boat onto those very docks. She wants to sate her curiosity and see if the city has changed and yet it is still an effort to cross the bridge. Perhaps one day…

Alduin had been here recently. As we rode across the next bridge and past a lumber mill towards the mountains, a dragon flew by and attacked a traveling Khajiit caravan. This one helped and to her horror, the dragon went right for Frost! Khajiit thought for certain the fool horse would get himself killed for he did not run and fought to protect this one. Noble steed indeed! This one rushed in and began hacking at the dragon's snout, desperate to save Frost. She embedded her axe into his skull and the dragon was no more.

With that done with, we mounted up again and rode for the nearby inn, Nightgate. Khajiit quite likes the place. The owner is nice and the mead is good and the beds comfy. It is also close to Winterhold. As sat at a corner table, Vilkas said, "You know, the longer you avoid Windhelm, the harder it's ever going to be."

"To what?" this one was a little testy. She really didn't want to talk about this.  
"To let it all go. It's been years, J'Hirra. It's time."  
"Time to what? To forget her mother's sacrifice, to forgive that horrible, horrible man?"  
"What? No! No, that's not what I meant at all!"  
"Vilkas, don't. Don't talk about things you don't understand. This one will never be able to forget it. If she forgets, her mother will be so angry and so sad. Forgetting is just as bad as forgiving the man that killed her!"  
"I'm not asking you to forget!" Vilkas gently took hold of her shoulders. "No one can just forget that! I just meant that it's time to face it, move on."  
"No. Khajiit has disappointed her so. To move on—,"

"Pardon me for interrupting," Inigo began, and this one realized she'd never gone into the details of her mother's death with him until now. "My friend, moving on only means you have come to terms with it," He said, taking this one's hand, "You're not accepting what that man did; you're not hurting your mother by doing it. The only one you're hurting by living in the past is you."

Vilkas nodded. "Crazy is right."  
"Thank you, dogbreath."  
"You wanted to go into the city today, J'Hirra. I could see it."

"She is not ready, Vilkas."  
"But you are! You're not a coward, J'Hirra, so let's go there together and—!"  
"No, Vilkas! This one has shamed her mother enough. The least she can do is keep her sacrifice in her memory!"  
"Shamed her?" This one's heart aches to remember the hurt that shone in his eyes. She'd never seen him look that way before.

"Aye, I'd imagine she would be ashamed, of course. Her daughter, with a Nord…Is this why you don't want to go back, because of me?" This one could not reply. Vilkas' eyes hardened, hiding the hurt behind them with anger. "Maybe you're afraid to let her go, that's understandable. Or maybe you feel ashamed of me."  
"Vilkas, no—,"  
"And if you're not ashamed of me, then you feel like you should be and the guilt keeps you from facing your mother's grave."  
The hurt in his voice cut into this one's heart.

And he is right. By the Gods, he is right. It's true; this one cannot deny it anymore. She loves him, she does and always will. That fact should never be called into doubt. But sometimes when he holds her, when we kiss, when we make love, this one feels it burning inside her; her mother's disgust, her mother's anger and fury, she hears her voice mocking and taunting, she sees the disapproval and contempt burning in her eyes, sees her hackles rise and sees her bare her teeth.

In this one's mind she has been denounced by her mother every time we've done anything together and because of that, yes, she does feel ashamed. She hates it so much. She cannot stand feeling this way towards Vilkas. She loves him. She does. She cannot imagine her life with him. So why does she feel like she should feel ashamed for choosing him? Does her mother truly hate her for loving him? There's no way to know and this one fears that the uncertainty will haunt her every day that we spend together.

This one was crying but tried to convince him otherwise but it was a lie and she cannot lie to him. Vilkas found the answer in her silence. He heaved a sigh, those grey eyes full of hurt and anger. He went to bed and Inigo sat wordlessly beside this one, his hand on her shoulder.  
"How could she feel this way towards him? What if he leaves this one? What has she done?" This one tried to communicate her feelings through her tears, but Inigo put her head on his shoulder.  
"It is alright, my friend. He knows you love him. He isn't that stupid. The only one you need to worry about right now is yourself. Go and sleep and think about this in the morning. Whatever you decide, I'll be here, and so will Vilkas. Trust me."

Vilkas slept in a separate room with Inigo (Gods, he must truly have been upset to share a room with him) and this one drifted off with tears in her eyes and sickness churning inside her because she was so afraid she would lose him. As terrible as that night was, perhaps that was what did it. Knowing she had something to lose pushed her in another direction indeed.

After a few hours rest, we rode in silence to Winterhold. We crossed the bridge, this one blatantly ignored the woman trying to convince ehr to join the College, and entered the library of libraries! Bookselves, every shelf full to bursting with books, reached up and touched the ceilings, and this one found herself approaching the librarian alone as Vilkas and Inigo ran around the library like civilians during a dragon attack.

We spoke the Orc that tended to the college's books and he told us that the only man he knew who had knowledge with elder scrolls was a man named Septimus Signus. He wrote a book full of inane, mad ramblings that clearly only made sense to him. The Orc sent us out to the ice fields where this one found Septimus wandering around in a glacier. Khajiit remembers very little of what he said as little of it made sense, but he directed this one to an elder scroll in a nearby dwemer ruin called Alfthand.

He gave this one a sphere and a cube to access a place called Blackreach. Once this one has found the scroll, if it is even there and we aren't on a mad man's idea of a goose chase, she is to use the cube to redirect the knowledge—otherwise unreadable without the slight risk of insanity—from the scroll so that Septimus may safely read it. He needs the cube and the scroll's knowledge to open a mysterious dwemer lockbox in his glacier. That is what Khajiit believes we have to do. She hopes she is right. Understanding that man was a task all on its own.

Once inside Alfhand, we discovered a pair of campfires; one long gone to cinders, the other still smoking. As we ventured further in, this one heard the voice of a fellow Khajiit, raving for more skooma, talking to himself. Metal spiders crawled out from vents in the stone walls and attacked. They went down easily enough but they still gave this one a start. Khajiit is not sure she likes these old Dwarven ruins.

We encountered the remains of a research team, the crazed Khajiit and his dead brother being the first ones we found. He attacked us on sight and this one had to put him down. Inigo sighed. "By the Gods...To kill your own brother over skooma...I shouldn't judge; I do not, and will never, have the right. The stuff is poison, my friend. I 'll leave it at that."

As we delved deeper, we encountered Falmer. Disgusting creatures. Their arrows hit hard and their blades are poisonous. We fought our way through them and to the heart of the ruin. There, a Dwarven Centurion attacked us. The thing blew steam and hit harder than a boulder but eventually went down. Then this one heard voices. A Redguard and an Imperial stepped out from behind some pillars, they took no notice of us and the Redguard said that they needed to go back, that there'd been enough death but the Imperial refused, sure she'd take all the glory for herself. The last remaining researchers this one assumes.

They started fighting and this one and her friends intervened. Once they were dead, this one inserted one of Septimus' little trinkets into the slot in the center of the room. The floor gave way to a spiral staircase, leading the way down to Blackreach.


	34. Entry 36 Dragonrend

Entry 36

Fredas, 4th of Frostfall

Blackreach was massive. A place unlike anything this one has seen. It was dark and little glowing particles fell from the giant floating mushrooms.

No, this one was not on skooma!

There were glowing ore veins that gave this one soul gems. There were small glowing mushrooms, too. There were great waterfalls and rivers. There were more dwarven machines and even more Falmer and even these disgusting giant bugs with a deadly, poisonous bite; Chaurus. Terrible things! This one will have nightmares for certain! However, this one is not sure how to pronounce their names. This one this it is CHAWR-rus. Inigo thinks it is CHOOR-rus. Ahh, the mysterious of the universe.

There were many, many different lifts leading to what looked like nowhere; just a big stone wall that had patterns similar to the spiral staircase from before. Do all dwarven ruins lead to Blackreach? How mysterious…

There was also a small city with a sewer and catacombs and a few different halls full of Falmer servants. Khajiit approached them with an offer to help protect them and find a way out, but they attacked instead. A shame. Khajiit wished to help free them, but the Falmer must have done enough damage to make them fear ever escaping. There was a giant orb hanging above this small city; it drew this one to it and she was compelled to use her Voice on it.

We took a lift up and were brought even closer to the orb. This one shouted at it and a great dragon flew into the area! A great orange beast unlike any dragon she'd seen yet! Alas, a Giant engaged the dragon on the ground before this one could get to it. The giant stole her kill and this one was furious! She still got the soul, however, but still she wished to fight that dragon herself!

After much exploring, we found the lift to take us to the tower of Mzark where we found the elder scroll locked away. Khajiit had to use Septimus' cube to manipulate the light coming in from above. After pressing many buttons and using the mirrors to direct the light this way and that—she does not understand how that puzzle worked at all—the Elder Scroll was unlocked. Holding it in her hands, this one felt as if she were grasping a piece of time itself.

Now to bring it to the Time-Wound! First, this one brought the lexicon, inscribed with the knowledge of the scroll to Septimus. He told this one that Dwemer blood is needed to open the lockbox but since none remain, this one needs to harvest Elven blood from Orcs, Bosmer, Dunmer and Altmer. And Falmer.

Ugh, Khajiit just got out of some Falmer-ridden ruin and now she must got find another? Septimus revealed that he is working for his Lord, Hermorah as he is known to Khajiit, to unlock the box.

As she was leaving, Hermorah himself, the Deadric Prince of Knowledge, confronted Kahjiit as a mass of writhing tentacles! This one thought she was going crazy. Hermorah told this one that Septimus' uses neared its end and that once this box is opened, he will no longer be of use. He offered to let this one replace Septimus and, not wanting to refuse him, this one agreed to help him unlock the box.

After all, this one is curious and wishes to see what is inside as well. But she is no servant of a Daedra. This one is grateful to Vilkas for staying with her despite our argument yesterday. This one feels a rift between us and we have not spoken much. How can she make this up to him? How can she get over this feeling of guilt.

Once that was done, Khajiit and her friends brought the scroll to the Time-Wound and upon reading it, was pulled back to the moment when time broke. She saw a great battle; the skies were red from the fires that burned all around, smoke clouded the sky, the smell of charred flesh hit this one's nose. The roar of dragons split the air. Before this one's eyes one of the ancient Nord heros fought a dragon; Hakon One-Eye, one of the three friends of Paarthurnax.

He was joined by his sister, Gormlaith who slew the dragon. Another Nord appeared, wearing the same robes the Greybeard wear. He had brought the scroll with him. When Alduin appeared, they brought him to the ground with a cry of, "Joor zah frul!"

Dragonrend, at last!

Gormlaith was killed and Felldir used the scroll to banish Alduin. The memory ended there and Khajiit set the scroll aside and looked up to find Alduin above her. Khajiit used Dragonrend to ground him and a great fight ensues! Paarthurnax breathed fire upon him from above and this one kept him grounded with continuous shouts of Dragonrend while she and Vilkas sliced into him.

It was over quickly but not in the way this one wanted. Alduin vowed that he would not be defeated and thought his one used Dragonrend, he took to the skies and flew east. A great defeat, though Arngeir and Paarthurnax viewed it as a triumph in it's own way. "My friend, that was incredible!" Inigo exclaimed, holding this one by the shoulders. "You fought brilliantly!"  
"No, Alduin got away. If she was worthy of being called Dragonborn, he would be dead by now Inigo."  
"To blazes with Alduin! You brought him to his scaly knees! You were incredible!"  
Vilkas said, "I've got to agree with Crazy, J'Hirra. You truly are a master of the Voice."

Paarthurnax believed that Alduin had fled to his portal to Sovngarde and said that if we could find one of his advisors and get them to betray him, we could discover the location of this portal. But first we need a place to capture the dragon.

The palace in Whiterun was built to house a captive dragon. As good a place to start as any, no? Khajiit just laments that it will come to this. If she could have managed to kill him…but that is the way it goes.


	35. Entry 37 Letting Go

Entry 37

Morndas, 6th of Frostfall

By the Twin Moons! The Jarl refuses to go along with Khajiit's plan unless he is certain neither General Tullius or Ulfric Stormcloak will use this as an opportunity to attack. He still hasn't chosen a side in the war and both parties are eager to have him on their side. He asked this one to speak to the Greybeards about arranging a temporary peace treaty.

Khajiit has seen how deep the wounds of this war have gone. After all she has seen from the Thalmor and all that the Empire allows them to get away with, this one may be partial towards the Stormcloaks. She doubts any good can come from this, but she has since spoken to Arngier who—though reluctant to involve the Greybeards in such matters—asked this one to tell Tullius and Ulfric that the Greybeards wish to see them.

Gods, regardless of how bad things are between both parties, they simply cannot ignore the threat that Alduin poses! They have got to see sense, otherwise Khajiit may never be able to stop Alduin! No, she will find a way, regardless of the outcome. She has got to.

This means that she must go to Windhelm to speak to Ulfric. She will be stepping foot inside again for the first time in years. She may even have time to see her mother's grave. Perhaps this is a good thing, regardless of how heavy it makes this one's heart feel. She cannot lose Vilkas. Even if her mother would have disapproved, even if this one is ashamed to be disappointing her, she has to find a way to let it go. She has to remember the good life her mother led even if it ended in tragedy. She needs to stop blaming herself and live outside of her mother's shadow.

This doesn't mean this one is letting you go, Mother, but she can't carry your hatred anymore. She just can't!

* * *

This one has arrived in Windhelm. It is just as cold and depressing as she remembered. The moment she walked in, she overheard two Nords bullying a Dunmer, accusing her of being an Imperial spy. "Take your bigotry somewhere else before I hurt you." Inigo growled.  
"And what are cats doing in this city? Your kind isn't welcome here!"  
Inigo uttered a snarl and the Nord took off, his friend hurrying after him.

The Dunmer asked if this one hated the dark elves, but this one doesn't. They enslaved Khajiit many years ago, but this one was not one of the enslaved, nor was her mother or father. Her grandparents were, but what is the point in carrying their anger around? This one hopes to have that kind of attitude once she finds her mother's grave.

She thought she saw a graveyard on her way to the market place. After she has visited Ulfric, she will pay a visit to the grave. The dunmer woman told this one that the dark elves in this city live in a slum crudely called the Gray Quarter. Sad. This one wandered around the market for a time. The people of Windhelm are hard-working and have faced many a cold, hard winter. While browsing an armor stand, a woman, her eyes red from crying, accidentally bumped into this one. She quickly excused herself and began crying. Her husband swept over and pardoned her. They were in mourning; their daughter had been taken from them recently. Her husband, Torbjorn Shatter-Shield, wished to find an amulet of Arkay to comfort his wife. This one offered to find it for them and plans to when she has the time.

The Altmer working the armor stand caught this one's eyes. It struck this one as odd that the Nords would even allow an Altmer to work and live in this city after what their kind did during the Great War. Any other city would not be so odd, but in Windhelm, home of the Stormcloak rebellion dead-set on stamping out Thalmor, this seemed strange. She got by with hard work and gradually earned their trust. She insinuated that perhaps the dark elves choose to live there as they are too proud and naive as she said to get by with hard work. Maybe there is some truth to that.

This one spoke to the blacksmith and his assistant who is full of admiration for Ulfric. Bought a few ingots from him. Many years ago, this one saw very little of the city. Mostly she was in that horrible man's house and when she was out, she was mostly at the wood chopping block. Khajiit had imagined it as this cold and horrible place full of angry, hateful people. It is cold and a little depressing, but it is not horrible. A few of the Nords are quite mistrustful of outsiders, but this one has not been given any remarks. A few stares, maybe, but none have bothered her.

She doubts the Nords here have ever seen two fully armored Khajiit, one with a great battle axe slung over her shoulder. So many of us sneak around and very few are allowed in cities due to the skooma so many of us take, so most run off to bandit camps or trade caravans. Yet even for being the only Khajiit in this city, she has been treated surprisingly well. Vilkas thinks that this one's presence commands respect, that she does not look like that should be given a hard time. It is likely that Dragonborn rumors have spread here as well, perhaps this one is known here, too.

Inigo's first time here wasn't so pleasant. He tells this one he stumbled into town, bloodied, dirty and in need of a warm bed, and was denied.  
"It may have been because I am Khajiit, but maybe it was all the blood. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but the people here are ugly-minded and bitter. Perhaps it is the lovely weather. It warms the soul." Inigo said as we sat in the inn, Candlehearth Hall. Who would deny Inigo anything? He is not like the Khajiit stereotypes so many see when they look upon our kind...Regardless of the weather and the inhospitable Nords, this inn is warm and cozy, and Khajiit did not know such places existed in his city. The house she and her mother stayed in was drafty, messy and had a foul smell to it. This Inn smells like bread and meat and mead.

While we sat, Inigo told us of how he met Mr. Dragonfly. He was offered lodgings by some Nords whose mother turned humans into bugs and ate them; Inigo was turned into a bug and nearly eaten and escaped by playing dead, advice courtesy of a certain dragonfly in the jar next to him!  
"It is all true! Do not laugh, my friends!" Inigo snapped but we could not help ourselves.  
It was unbelievable, but at the same time, it is exactly the sort of mishap our blue friend would get himself into.  
It is a relief to have new memories. The old will never fade of course, but now she has something decent to counteract them with.  
After a good drink, this one will go to Ulfric and to the graveyard before she leaves Windhelm.

* * *

The Jarl of Windhelm; this one pictured him as a brute after hearing all the rumors about what he did to the High King. In truth, he is charismatic and well-spoken. Khajiit overheard him and his second in command talking about Whiterun and worrying about the Jarl's allegiance as he hasn't taken a side. It sounds like they may be bringing the fight there soon. Khajiit hopes it isn't so. Ulfric is passionate; when he spoke of why he was fighting to his second in command, the bitter frustration and anger seeped into his voice.

It truly does sound like all he wishes is to create a future for Skyrim where its people can rule themselves. Khajiit has seen what the Thalmor do firsthand; capturing Nords, torturing them simply for living their lives. What Empire allows such a thing? A crooked one. Yet are his politics the right ones? The Empire may be all keeping the Dominion out of Skyrim. But at what price? The Thalmor are already here and hurting people and telling them what Gods they can and can't worship and killing them for it. They have no love for humans or Khajiit; it isn't right.

However, this one recalls upon reading the dossier on Ulfric that the Thalmor view Ulfric and his rebellion as an asset. Ugh. Can nothing be simple? But isn't he only an asset as long as he isn't _winning_?

Khajiit may yet speak to Ulfric Stormcloak about fighting in his army. Something has to be done and Ulfric sounds like he knows exactly what it is and plans to do it well. Khajiit wishes to speak to him more once she has time.

* * *

After we met with Ulfric, this one found the cemetery.  
Vilkas said, "I'll wait over here. Your mother probably wouldn't want to speak with me. Go on." This one wanted him close. She took his hand and led him forward and beckoned for Inigo to join us.

Her mother was buried towards the back of the cemetery in a lonely corner. A pile of snow had nearly submerged the grave and this one took time to shovel it off. Vilkas stopped walking a few feet back from her grave and this one let him keep his distance. She knelt before her mother's grave. This one is surprised she got a grave inside the city considering how hostile the Nords were to the Khajiit caravan that brought her to the gates. It was a tiny grave, much less fancy than the others but it was well tended. No flowers lay at the foot of the grave so this one pulled a few nightshades from her pocket and laid it on the ground. She felt so badly for not visiting sooner. Her mother deserved a well-kept resting place.

"It is good to see you again, Mother. This one is sorry she took so long to visit. She thinks of you every day and hopes she has made you proud…" Standing before her grave, this one longed to say more but no words would come though she'd been planning this since early this morning. She was missing something important. She grabbed Vilkas's hand and led him over to the grave. Beside him, she announced,

"Mother, this is the man that your daughter has chosen to stand beside her until her time comes to join you. He is great and honorable and he has saved this one's life time after time. She asks now for your acceptance, mother, and if the wounds in your past are simply too great, then this one understands. But she cannot continue to live in the shadow of your hate, mother. This one is sorry.. This one thanks you for the life you gave to this one; even if she may have done things you disapproved of, she also became the leader of the Companions, the first one is years! She is also the Dragonborn and is on a path that she hopes brings great honor to you. That is all she ever wanted to do."

"Aye and a great Harbinger she is." Vilkas said and he knelt down and bowed his head.  
"And the best friend one could hope for with the biggest, warmest heart of anyone I've known." Inigo said, bowing before the grave.

"It is not my place to say this," Vilkas said, a tender smile on his face, "but as a man who loves your daughter and is proud of her; thank you for your sacrifice. She is honorable, aye, more than anyone else I know and I have been surrounded by honorable men and women since I was a pup. Because of you I have the honor of standing beside her, protecting her and loving her. I promise to keep her safe until we part ways and she goes to meet you, and I promise to treat her well. Thank you for letting me meet your daughter, mother."

This one hadn't wanted to cry before but she did now. She kept herself together until we left the city and then, once we were on the road, she put her face in Frost's mane and wept. But she wasn't crying from sorrow. Vilkas and Inigo let her be and we stopped in Dawnstar and Inigo bought her two drinks. Gods, she needed them. Khajiit was no longer crying but she couldn't say much. She didn't know whether to smile or not. Even though she would never know her mother's response to all we'd said, it felt like the weight of grief was falling off her shoulders.

"Does it matter that you'll never know?" Vilkas asked when Khajiit confided in him.  
"No, not really. It is true; no matter her choices in love, this one's mother would be so proud of her accomplishments, she just knows it."  
His hand held hers tightly. "I don't know very many who would revisit grief such as yours and come out with a smile like that, J'Hirra." The pride in his voice touched this one's heart and made her purr. Not often does she purr, except maybe when we lie together under his bear skin blankets.

Maybe she is wrong. Maybe her mother has truly come to hate her, but maybe not.. This one will never know and it doesn't matter. It is a hard thing to admit but she knows it is the truth. All that matters now is what happens next; with Alduin, with the war, with this one and Vilkas. She should have known from the beginning but she knows it now.

She will always love you, mother.

No matter what, never, never doubt that.

She will keep making you proud, that is a promise.


	36. Entry 38 Season Unending

Entry 38

Middas, 8th of Frostfall

The peace treaty was somewhat successful. Delphine rather imposed herself upon the Greybeards by turning up uninvited but she and Esbern had their uses though Arngier was very angry. Once we sat down, with Vilkas and Inigo standing off to the sides looking bored, Ulfric refused to be seated. Elenwen, head of the Thalmor embassy, was there. It made this one's hackles rise, too. Khajiit thinks it was a risky move on the Empire's part, bringing the very woman that had tortured Ulfric to the table.

Neither Tullius or Ulfric could agree on whether she stayed or went, so Khajiit decided for them; she went. With that little scuffle out of the way, Ulfric demanded Markarth at the negotiation table. Tullius wanted the Rift in exchange for Markarth which Khajiit thought was fair, Ulfric did as well to this one's surprise. The Rift was Stormcloak territory. Ah but now the Black-Briar's will own Riften. Disgusting.

Tullius wanted recompense for some slaughter at Markarth. Khajiit had heard of the unjust treatment of the Forsworn uprisers of course, but having read Elenwen's dossier on Ulfric, he was imprisoned shortly after the uprising was crushed and therefore this one could not say whether he had butchered innocents or not so she denied his request for recompense.

Tullius was displeased and asked for Winterhold but Khajiit thought that a major hold for both sides was good enough and refused. Tullius was not happy at all but went along with the terms. Ulfric and Galmar left, quite smugly, and Esbern revealed that he knew the name of a dragon this one could call to Whiterun; Odahviing. The Jarl of Whiterun is all set to capture a dragon so Khajiit heads there later today.

Delphine approached this one after the treaty. She knew about Paarthurnax. He committed some of the most barbaric acts when he was with Alduin's dragon cult. She believed he deserved death and told this one that either she was with them or against them if she refused. Khajiit could not believe it! All this talk about how important she is to the Blades, how she is their last hope, and they'd throw her aside like this?

Khajiit told her she could forget it; none of this could have been done without Paarthurnax's efforts. He did terrible things in the past, certainly, and yet he has spent years denying himself his very nature and instead teaching others the Way and he has done so much to help her defeat Alduin. This one counts him as her friend. Delphine was disgusted and in an instant, all that we'd done together was forgotten. She said, "You'll regret this, Dragonborn."

Inigo snorted as she walked away. "Regret what? Pissing off two Blades? Oh, how terrifying!"

Khajiit never liked her. She will not harm a scale on Paarthurnax's body. Not ever.


	37. Entry 39 All Hail the Dragonborn

Entry 39

Turdas, 9th of Frostfall

It is done. In the early hours of this day in Sovengarde, this one slew Alduin and fulfilled her destiny as Dragonborn. Yesterday evening, this one and Vilkas went to rhe Jarl's palace in Whiterun and helped him set the trap. This one called the dragon Ohdahviing and he came, unable to resist. Using Dragonrend he was grounded and lured into the trap. He found Alduin unworthy of ruling and agreed to take this one to his portal to Sovngarde within the ancient fane of Skuldafn, but only if he was released of course. The guards were nervous, but once he was free, he went to balcony, ready to fly this one to Skuldafn.

She could go alone, she and her friends knew this.

This one approached Inigo to say her goodbyes, but they were lodged in her throat.  
"Don't say it, my friend." His voice trembled. "If this is our last time together, I want to smile. So, please..."

He did not look at her when he reached out and took her hand, determinedly gazing at Ohdahviing's scaly hide.  
"Would Mr. Dragonfly like to say it, then?" This one asked.  
"He is saying it right now, but I cannot relay his words. Because this is not...it isn't..."  
Tears burned this one's eyes and Inigo's voice broke. This one wanted so to see his face one last time and took his chin in her hands. Inigo avoided her gaze, tears sparkling within his orange eyes. The sight nearly broke this one.  
He blinked hard, scrubbed his eyes, and snatched up this one's hands and held them to his chest.

"This is _not_ goodbye, my friend. It cannot be. I...I _will_ see you again. All we've been through, the things we've seen and done together, it cannot have been for nothing! I did not open my heart and soul to you to lose you to some big, smelly lizard, J'Hirra. So you come back."  
This one pulled him into her arms and he held her to him.  
"J'Hirra will bring you back a sweetroll from Shore's Meadhall. "  
"I...I will hold you to that."  
"It has been a delight, Inigo the Brave. This one has never known a truer friend, and she never will again."  
"Nor will I, my dear friend." We both began to cry and the heartbreak this one felt at our parting was as great as the loss of her mother.

When Khajiit turned to face Vilkas, emotions were sparkling within his eyes. This one did not know if she would see him again. He held her tightly and this one clung to him. "It has been an honor, J'Hirra." He told her, his voice trembling. "If…if I don't see you in this life, I will see you and Kodlak in Sovngarde."

"This one is Khajiit, Vilkas. She cannot go to Sovngarde."  
"Aye, you will. You have the heart of a Nord hero of old in you. That's good enough."  
"This one will come back, Vilkas. She will try her hardest."  
"You had better."  
"This one loves you, Vilkas. The moment she returns, she will come find you."  
"I love you, too."

This one stepped out of his arms for what she thought might be the last time and climbed aboard the dragon's neck.  
We took to the skies and Vilkas did not look away until we'd gone.  
Just before she vanished behind the clouds, this one saw Inigo put his hand on Vilkas' shoulder. Vilkas did not push him away.  
Ohdahviing carried this one high into the eastern mountains where hordes of powerful draugr awaited her. It was the fight of her life just to reach the portal. She slew the dragon priest before he could reclaim his staff to seal the portal, then she leaped in and was carried up, higher and higher.

The realm of Sovengarde is a place like none other and this one was the first Khajiit to walk it. Alduin's soul-snare filled the whole area, a mist that only this one's shout of Clear Skies could break through. This one found lost soldiers, dead King Toryg, and Kodlak. Kodlak was lost and afraid. All this time he'd been searching for Shor's hall. Khajiit's heart wept for him and she told him to stay put and reassured him that she would end this. He did not doubt her; he never did.

This one found the way to Shor's hall and was greeted by a giant of a Nord; Tsun. This one announced to him that she came for Alduin, seeking passage to Shor's hall by right of honor as the leader of the Companions. Tsun wanted to test her mettle and so we fought briefly. With a few good hits, she staggered him and he deemed her worthy to cross the great bone bridge leading the way to Shor's hall.

How to describe it? The honor of being greeted at the door by Ysgramor himself, seeing Olaf One-Eye and speaking with Jurgen Windcaller! Nothing comes close, even as she writes this, it all tries to fade from her memory like a dream! But ti was real! A feast awaited this one in the hall; Ox roasted on spits over roaring fires, the smell was mouth-watering! Warriors fought and laughed and drank the finest golden mead and this one took a sweetroll with her just to prove she has been there. (Inigo won't even eat it. We've put it in a special case where it can be displayed.)

Awaiting her were the Tongues; Hakon One-Eye, Gormlaith and Felldir. Together, we used our Thu'um to clear away the mists and Alduin came to battle! His shout tore open the skies; flaming rocks plummeted to the earth and shook it to its roots. Khajiit used Dragonrend to ground him and we charged him. This one's blade bounced off his stone-scales and so she hooked her battle axe into the underside of his neck. His blood soaked her blade and he whirled around with a bellow, catching us off guard as his tail hurtled into our sides. Khajiit felt as if she'd been hit by a mammoth.

He spat a gout of fire at Gormlaith and as the fur of her armor burned, Hakon shouted "Fus Ro Dah!" and Alduin was stunned out of his rage. Dragonrend wore off and, this one, distracted, did not have time to use it again as his wings opened and he took to the skies. The mist encased us once more, the cosmos were blocked out, and we spread out to avoid being crushed all at once as flaming rocks plummeted to earth, blowing open the ground at our feet.

The ground shook and this one heard him land somewhere nearby. She whirled behind her and blood-red eyes found hers, looming through the mists. She felt the heat of his breath, smelled flesh and blood, and she hurled herself forward, embedding her axe into the roof of his mouth.

His scream of pain pierced her ears and the mists cleared. Khajiit shouted and Alduin was grounded. "Now!" This one cried and the heroes of old charged from the mists and surrounded him. He charged J'Hirra and she slid beneath him and as he passed, dug her blade into his belly and he ripped himself open on her blade. He stumbled, and this one rolled out from under him before his insides could fall out onto her.

Alduin's roar of fury split the air; the scales exploded off his body and his soul went not to J'Hirra but to the very heavens themselves. Almost as if it were being stored away for the future. It may very well be so. Khajiit doubts he can ever truly be killed, and he may return at the end of time to fulfill his destiny as eater of worlds. But that is for the next world to deal with.

The soldiers she has seen wandering the mists rushed to meet this one in the clearing, crying tears of joy at the sight of Shor's Hall and praising her. Kodlak stepped from the fading mists and this one's heart swelled at the sight of him. Tears were in his eyes and he stood tall and powerful as he looked towards Shor's Hall, finally open to him. He put his large, warm hand upon this one's shoulder and told her,  
"Your deeds are seen from Sovngarde, J'Hirra. You have brought honor to us all."  
Khajiit dropped her axe and ran to him.

She threw her arms around him and he held her tightly. She did not hold him long of course, the man has been waiting for ages to finally enter Shor's Hall. With shaking legs, Kodlak climbed the steps leading towards the bridge. He looked back and called, "All hail the Dragonborn, hail her with great praise!" All the souls around this one erupted into cheers. Tsun approached and told this one to speak to him when she wished to return and that when her time came, she would be welcomed to Shor's Hall with open arms.

This one was ready and was sent home with a parting gift; a shout to summon a hero of old to this one's side when in need. When this one returned she was standing before Paarthurnax at the peak of the throat of the world. All around her were dragons! This one drew her weapon, but the dragons did not attack; they bowed before Paarthurnax and took flight.

Paarthurnax was saddened at Alduin's defeat, but was proud of this one. He plans to try to turn more dragons towards the Way and rule them. Arngeir and the Greybeards were awaiting J'Hirra. Arngier confessed that he too did not believe Alduin could ever truly be destroyed. But it didn't matter. He told this one, "You've done your part. Now go on, Dragonborn; your future lies before you."

This one returned to Whiterun and found Vilkas just returning from a job with the Companions, Inigo by his side, their arms around one another's shoulders. Inigo must have said something amusing, for they both laughed, though their smiles weren't as bright as this one knew they could be. She called out to them and both men turned her way. The joy that filled their faces is indescribable, nor can this one describe the emotions that brought tears to her eyes and caught the breath in her throat at the sight of the two most important men in her life.

Vilkas dropped his greatsword and he ran. "My friend! Oh, my friend, I cannot believe it!" Inigo cried out and they tore down the street to her, nearly bowling over Idolaf Battle Born, knocking over Nazeem, and this one opened her arms to them and they collided into her, nearly knocking her off her feet. Inigo swept her into his arms and spun her round and this one didn't know if we were laughing or crying as we stared into others eyes, hardly able to believe we could see one another again.

"You've done it, my friend! By the Moons, you've done it! All hail the Dragonborn!" Inigo cried, sweeping her off her feet again and this one laughed as the world became a blur around her and all that mattered was his scent and his laughter and the warmth of his arms.

Vilkas coughed and Inigo shoved this one towards him. "Go on." He was giddy, and this one could feel his tender gaze as this one turned towards Vilkas. At the sight of him, everything ceased to exist. It was just J'Hirra and Vilkas, together again despite all the odds, as it had always been. Shaking his head, tears sparkling in his eyes, he walked to her and this one met him halfway and we held each other for what felt like an age. No words were said, none were needed. We shared a kiss and headed inside for much needed rest.

This one has fulfilled her destiny as Dragonborn. So what now? It is quite the empty feeling. But this one is not devoid of purpose. She has Vilkas and the Companions. Without the fate of the world sitting on her shoulders, she has time to rest and plan her future. That is a good thing indeed.

* * *

 **I just wanted to thank everyone for showing such enthusiasm in this story.  
It was just something I wrote for fun, a way to roleplay while I was playing my game. I didn't expect anyone to read it, let alone comment.**  
 **I've never gotten close to 100 comments on anything I've written before. I'm really grateful, so thank you!**  
 **There's still the two DLCs and the civil war to cover in this story (it's pretty long), so it is far from over.** **Enjoy the ride!**


	38. Entry 40 To Solsthiem

Entry 40

Sundas, 12th of Frostfall

This one simply cannot rid herself of this feeling of emptiness. For all her talk that her life is far from purposeless, she feels this growing feeling of emptiness inside her with each passing day. The very reason she was born was to stop Alduin; she may wish to say that she was born for other reasons, but the truth is that she was chosen to stop him and she has. What now? There is no longer a world to save, so what purpose in life is there for someone who was born just to save it? The world no longer needs this one to save it, so what shall she do?

She has been taking various jobs from Vilkas; this one travelled to the Reach and rescued someone there, then she and Vilkas delved into a Falmer den and retrieved a stolen sword. These are good deeds but they do nothing to rid this one of this feeling. A day ago, this one was visited by an Orc, claiming to work for a group of vampire hunters.

"My friend, no," Inigo said, steering her away from the Orc, "What you need is a break."

"Aye, I agree. You've done enough for the people of Skyrim. What you need is some rest and relaxation."

"Let's go to Cyrodiil," Inigo exclaimed, "The weather is beautiful this time of year!"

"Are you crazy? With the war going on, the border controls will be ridiculous."

This one asked the barkeep at the Bannered Mare and she told this one of a ship in Windhelm that makes trips to Raven Rock, a town on the isle of Solsthiem..  
Vilkas and Inigo both liked the idea of seeing a little slice of Morrowind and Dunmer culture.

This one spoke to Farkas and Aela of our voyage and Aela said it would be her honor to watch over the new-comers while she is gone.

We rode to Windhelm and arrived at the docks. The Captain of the Northern Maiden was disorientated. He did not want to go back to Solsthiem ever again; he said the place was cursed. He says he and his crew cannot remember any of their time spent on the island. Suspicious, perhaps? But this one convinced him to take her to Solsthiem and after a few hours travel, we arrived at the town of Raven Rock.

It is a dreary place; when you aren't choking on ash from the Red Mountain across the ocean, you have to deal with suspicious Dunmer asking you questions. The sky is grey and cloudy, ash storms rage, and this one already misses Skyrim. But it has been long since she travelled and it is exciting to be in a new place. This one was approached immediately by a representative of house Redoran. He simply asked that she behave during her stay.

On the outskirts of town, a strange sight awaited us. A shrine towered over the waterfront, or the beginnings of a shrine. The local miners were chiseling it.  
When this one approached to ask about the historical significance, they ignored her. In fact, their eyes looked right through her. They went about their work, only saying snatches of words like, "Here in His shrine,", "And when the world shall listen,", "That they have forgotten,". It was unsettling.

We three booked a room at the town inn, the Retching Netch, and said our goodnights before retiring to bed.  
Inigo is very excited to see the rest of the island and told us he'd wake us early to get a head start on exploring the island.  
Vilkas is spooked and his mood has soured.

"It's just not right…" he grumbled as we lay in bed, trying to sleep. "Something's wrong, J'Hirra. This place is cursed."

"Do not get superstitious on this one, Vilkas."

"I'm not. But…" This one kissed him to quiet him.

"We'll investigate in the morning, dearest one. Sleep."

And we did…right? This one cannot remember


	39. Entry 41 The First Dragonborn

Entry 41

Morndas, 13th of Frostfall

When this one awoke she was in an unfamiliar place. She can remember little. She remembers hearing a voice; powerful and hypnotizing in her head.

 _"Here in my shrine that you have forgotten. Here do you toil that you might remember. By night you reclaim what by day was stolen. Far from yourselves. I grow ever near to you. Your eyes were once blinded, now through me do you see. Your hands once were idle; now through them do I speak. And when the world shall listen, when the world shall see, when the world remembers, that world will cease to be."_

Vilkas tells this one that she was saying these words aloud, her voice empty.

Vilkas' voice was in this one's ear and she dropped a chisel and hammer from her claw. Beside her stood Inigo and Vilkas. Vilkas' face was white and his eyes were wide. At first, this one couldn't remember their names. "Thank the Divines! What happened to you?" Vilkas asked, seizing this one's shoulders. This one could hardly speak. "This one…is unsure. What is she doing here? Where is she?"

"We're at the temple. That woman told me it was Miraak's temple. She's from the Skaal village, nomadic Nords. Her people have been enslaved here for months, mindless, forced to work like you were."

"How did this one get here?"

"We went to sleep for maybe four hours. You woke up and I fell off you onto the floor. You didn't notice. You didn't even look at me. Your eyes were wide and empty. I called out to you but you didn't hear. You walked out of our room. I tried to steer you back but you were like a stone! I had no choice but to follow you. I thought you were lost to me."

"Yes, then he went and woke me up, squawking like a frightening chicken."

"At least I didn't nearly soil myself when I saw the townspeople!"

"We followed you outside and...Gods! The whole town was walking around like mindless draugr! They headed for that strange shrine on the outside of town, chanting. This place is cursed! Can't we even vacation properly?" Inigo exclaimed.

"This one is sorry for worrying you two. What woman?" Vilkas stepped aside. A Nordic woman donned in heavy armor stood behind him. Her name was Frea. She had come here seeking to free her people or to avenge them. It was as Vilkas as said; these people were all mindless and unresponsive, mumbling the very words this one had heard in her head as they chiseled stone. This one told her she was here seeking Miraak as well and she looked relieved to have some help. We agreed to work together and ventured down into the temple of Miraak.

This one asked Frea what she knew of Miraak, she said, "His story is as old as Solsthiem itself. He served the dragons like most did, a priest in their order. But he turned on them, devoured their souls, and made his own path and his actions cost him dearly. Some say he wanted to take Solsthiem for himself. The dragons destroyed him for it." A dragon priest who was Dragonborn? Now that is interesting!

Before proceeding further, we checked the nearby rooms for supplies. In one room, skeletons sat gathered around a table. A few potions were nearby. In the next room a fire blazed below two cages full of charred corpses, dead for centuries. For a place that has been abandoned for years, it is well maintained, probably by the cultists and draugr.

We delved further in, fighting draugr and even more powerful cultists. Frea had no idea what knowledge Miraak discovered that made him turn on his masters. This one saw more many gruesome things; charred corpses suspended in cages like trophies, bridges built with railings was passed through skeletons, and finally a room with a whole dragon skeleton suspended above this one. "Oh by the Gods...If that comes to life, I will be forced to kill myself. Drag my body out for me, my friend." Inigo said, ears flattening as he looked up at the skeleton. Vilkas snorted.

Truly cruel to boast about his betrayal so arrogantly. Frea was disgusted as well. She believed that seeing the remains displayed so enraged the dragons, causing them to raze his temple to the ground. In the room with a dragon, this one found a new word of power; dragon aspect. It is as cool as it sounds. The crypts lining the walls burst open and draugr spilled forth.

One carried a key on his corpse for the locked door concealed behind one of their architecture changed the further this one went. Instead of the typical dragon statues and carvings associated with Nordic temples there were statues of creatures with razor teeth that grew more frequent the deeper down this one went. Then we came across a horde of draugr and a statue that struck a chord with J'Hirra.

A statue of a mass of eyes; eyes that this one had seen before in Septimus Signus' outpost. It was a statue of Hermorah, the Daedric prince of knowledge, Khajiit had spoken with him before, yes? About opening that lockbox in Signus' cave. Khajiit had forgotten all about that, she still has yet to return with all the Elven blood she has. Did Miraak worship Hermorah? Did knowledge from the Daedra inspire him to turn on his fellow priests and dragon masters? All will be revealed soon.

Through a door just behind the statue, Khajiit found it. The black book. Sitting on a pedestal over a floor full of hot coals. Just looking at it made this one's hairs rise. She knew at once that it wasn't an object of this world. Yet she knew it held the answers to everything. Inigo's fur stood on end and Vilkas refused to approach it.  
"We all love a good book, my friend, but this is not one of them." Inigo said.  
"Don't touch it. That thing's evil." Vilkas urged but this one knew she had to. Before they could stop her, she picked up the book and it felt cold and slimy in her grip.  
She read it and was pulled by writhing tentacles into its pages before she could read a word. She was brought there mentally, but remained in the world of the living physically.

There she saw Miraak, a man clad in dark brown robes and wearing a mask that concealed his face. The mask resembled tentacles, much like the ones Hermamorah has. On either side of him were two hideous creatures out of a nightmare; robed creatures with tentacles for faces. Behind Miraak was a great blue dragon. Miraak brought this one swiftly to her knees with a spell and confronted her.

"You are Dragonborn and yet…ah, you have defeated Alduin, I can sense it. I could have killed him myself if I still walked the earth, but I chose a different path. You have no power here. Soon my temple will be rebuilt, Solsthiem will be mine, and I can return once more. She will await my return to Tamriel." The nightmarish, tentacle beasts glided forward and shot blasts at this one. They burned and stung and made her head spin. The pain was unbearable! Through her swirling vision, Miraak mounted the dragon and took to the skies. When she came to, she was back in the temple, breathless and shaking. Vilkas almost had a panic attack.

"You started shaking, your face was full of pain, and you were completely unresponsive." Vilkas explained, eyes wide with worry.

"This one saw him. Miraak."  
Vilkas' eyes darkened. "He hurt you? Give me that book, I'll go in there and—," Vilkas growled.  
"Die. You would die, dogbreath. This is beyond our control."  
Frea interjected, "Where is he? Can we reach him? Can we kill him?"

"This one does not know. He wants his temple rebuilt so he can return to Tamriel. He wants Solsthiem for himself. Khajiit could do nothing to stop him; he climbed aboard a dragon and flew off."

"This is worse than I thought. Come, we must return to my village. Storn, the elder, may have answers for us!" Frea led us from the temple and up the road to the Skaal village only a short ways away. It was a thriving, well-built, but empty village and the three Skaal that remained were deeply concentrating and asked not to be disturbed. The Skaal had constructed a barrier to keep Miraak's influence out of their village. J'Hirra approached Storn Crag-Strider and told him of what she'd seen in that book.

Storn told her that Miraak was a dragon priest and despite being Dragonborn, served the dragons. When he turned against them and the dragons razed his temple, Miraak was thought to have died and it turns out he may have not. Perhaps Hermorah saved him, yes? Storn's magic weakens and soon Miraak's dark influence will be upon them. He has asked this one to go to Saering's Watch and learn a word of power there that Miraak learned long ago.

He belives the word can be used on the Wind Stone nearby and that with this shout, J'Hirra should be able to free the Skaal from Miraak's control. The part of Solsthiem they live in is cold and harsh, much like Skyrim. Khajiit wishes she had time to explore more but perhaps later.

Khajiit made her way to Saering's Watch and encountered and dragon and a few draugr. She killed the dragon, but Miraak appeared and claimed its soul.  
"Sorry, Dragonborn. This one is mine and with it, I grow closer than ever to my return."  
This one trembled with rage as he vanished and Inigo gripped her shoulder. "Soon, my friend. Soon. Besides, it is good to lay off the dragon souls for a while. I've tried not to say it but...they make you smell terrible."

Khajiit hopes Miraak will not do this every single time.

Vilkas lost his Skyforge Greatsword at Saering's Watch, wrenched from his hands by a shout from one of the more powerful draugr and fell over the cliff's edge.

"Khajiit will visit Eorlund and he will smith you another, Vilkas; an even better one."

Vilkas shook his head. "No other Skyforge weapon will come close. I had that sword since I first joined the circle. That was…years ago. Maybe it started to show its age, but it was a fine blade and served me well."

"I know the feeling," Inigo said as we set off back down the mountain. "I traded my mother and father's weapons for skooma money. I regret it."

"Its like loosing a part of your self, huh? An arm, a leg. It feels all wrong."

They chatted on the way down the mountain. It is rare to hear those boys get along, so when they do, it is music to this one's ears.  
Khajiit learned the word of power, Bend Will. She traveled to the stone and used the shout. The shrine broke apart, the Skaal were freed, and a great beast rose from the remains. He spewed tentacles upon this one. He looked like a deformed fish.

The Skaal helped J'Hirra killed it, then she returned to the village where Storn asked her to use the shout on the other stones. He doubts it will stop Miraak's return, but it will slow him. Khajiit showed him the black book but he wished to have nothing to do with it. He told her that a Dark Elf wizard, Neloth, came to the village asking about black books. He lives in tel Mythrn to the South. Tomorrow Khajiit will pay this Neloth a visit and free more people from the shrine's influence.


	40. Entry 42 Of Rieklings and Black Books

Entry 42

Tirdas, 14th of Frostfall

So, today was strange, yes? This one awoke from her sleep to find the village full and prospering. She spoke to the first hunter who asked her to be careful; his brother had become a werebear and he feared he may be lurking nearby. Curious, no? Vilkas had read of Werebears, but never seen one himself. Khajiit offered to help find his brother and set off.

Her first goal was to reach the next few Stones but upon climbing the hill, Khajiit found a mead hall! Not as glorious as Jorrvasrk by far. It looked like it had once been a fine place, but it had been overrun by bizarre creatures. Rieklings; little blue goblins.

One scurried up to J'Hirra and said, his voice nearly indistinguishable; "You. Fa. Low. Me?" Bewildered, Khajiit followed him inside and found their chief sitting upon his throne. He asked this one to find his prize beast, a boar named Bilgemuck. Khajiit left completely bewildered.

Vilkas saw campfires just down the hill and this one ventured down to find a small encampment of Nords. They'd been driven from the mead hall by the Rieklings! This one heard Inigo stifle a bark of laughter, and this one understood his amusement. Quite pitiful. Who lets such small pests bully them out of their home? She really should not have agreed to help them. Pitiful layabouts, the lot of them!

They spent too much time drinking and telling stories and not enough time fighting. It almost serves them right. But Khajiit is too soft for her own good and together, we drove the pests from Thirsk Mead Hall. The leader of Thirsk, Bujold, was thankful enough to J'Hirra to ask her to accompany her; she needed a second to be there when she received her blessing from Hrothmund, the founder of Thirsk. If they wished to take up residency again, she needed it. An honorable duty, or so it seemed. Bujold…not so much.

Once we got there, Hrothmund's spirit deemed her unworthy; for a band in the wilderness, he said, and it better to have no leader than a poor one, and his blessing was not given. Bujold asked this one to lie! She could not lie; if she was deemed unworthy to lead, then that was that! She attacked J'Hirra and this one were forced to kill her. A pity.

We ventured into a Dwarven ruin on our way to the other stones. It was annoying. Khajiit is in a foul mood today. No matter where she goes there is always something. Khajiit just wanted to have a pleasant vacation, not deal with some arrogant, power hungry Dragonborn who won't stop stealing her damned dragon souls! This is not ideal at all!

Later, we encountered a pack of werewolves! They were Nords and living out in the wilderness, hunting and living off the land. They had some goods to sell that could enhance this one's werewolf abilities but Khajiit did not think she truly needed them. What would it be like to live like that? Khajiit thinks she might like it, but prefers the company of her Companions.

After that this one freed one of the shrines in Raven Rock from Miraak's influence and we went down to the mines in search of this Ancient Nordic pickaxe the blacksmith was asking for and found it in the hands of an old man named Crecius who insisted that his great-grandfather's remains lay deep within the mine tunnels below us.

He believed that the East Empire Company covered up the reason he died; passing off his death as a cave-in, though he believes the tunnels were perfectly sturdy at the time. So into the mines we went and to Inigo's delight, they were spider-infested ruins! He was happy until we discovered draugr the further in we went.

In truth, the East Empire Company sent his great grand father to the tunnels because some mysterious ruins were dug up that they wanted him to find a way through. He died down there clutching a mysterious blade that, when swung in different directions, sent a beam of red light into cracks in the wall. When swung at the cracks, the doorway shifted and opened up, revealing the tomb of a dragon priest and a word wall. Getting there was troublesome.

The draugr kept using shouts to blast this our' weapons from our hands and we were disarmed many times! by the time we found the tomb, this one was tense and annoyed and Vilkas almost lost his brand new sword. The look on his face as he rushed about trying to find it...Then Inigo brandished it and Vilkas clapped him on the shoulder and they grinned at each other. It is lovely when they get along.

We killed the dragon priest and through the door in the next room, this one found another Black Book. Upon reading it, Hermaeus Morah spoke to her. The land accessed through these books is called Apocrypha, home of Hermorah's hoarded knowledge. He challenged her to find a way through to the secrets hidden at the end of the book and this one did. Apocrypha is a creepy place; it is full of books and soul gems, and also home to hideous, slimy creatures.

The floor this one walked on was suspended over a pit of slime that tentacles would reach from to swat at her. She fought a few of those tentacle face monsters and then at the end of the book, encountered an exceptionally powerful creature; one of those fish-faced monstrosities. She found the book and upon reading it, was given the option of choosing three new powers to call her own.

No t powers she can use in combat, these are different. It's…knowledge, and from the Deadric prince himself! She hears a faint sound in her ears since returning. It is like crackling. Inigo thinks this one needs to lay off the books. Perhaps he is right...


	41. Entry 43 The Fall of House Severin

Entry 43

Turdas, 16th of Frostfall

This one brought the news to Crecius and was rewarded. Last night when she stopped in the inn for rest, the inn-keeper told her of a man excavating Korbjorn Barrow. Khajiit planned to just take a look and be on her way towards more of the shrines, but was interrupted. Captain Veleth of the Redoran guard was under attack by three creatures the guards call Ash Spawn. Khajiit leant him a paw and he asked her to look around; there had been more and more attacks as of late, and he wished to know why.

This one found a most disturbing note on one of the spawn; a declaration of war from an Imperial soldier living in Fort Frostmoth. He mentioned that all his attempts at contacting Raven Rock had been ignored and so he would view them as an enemy to the Empire. Anyone who approached the Fort, he said, would be attacked. This one brought this note to the Captain and he was alarmed; this Imperial, General Falx Carius, had died over 200 years ago when the ash from the Red Mountain leveled the Fort. Necromancers, perhaps?

Khajiit knows that stopping Miraak is important of course, but ignoring something like this would be a mistake; if this General decided we were a danger to him, he might send scores of Ash Spawn to Raven Rock, no? The town cannot be weakened if and when Miraak returns to Tamriel. So, Khajiit set off with the boys to Fort Frostmoth. On the way there, we found Korbjorn Barrow, what wasn't buried by ash anyway, and a Dunmer digging in the ruins.

His name was Raldis Sedarys (she probably misspelled his name. Gods, these Dunmer names are a mouthful! But it was something like that!) and he had come from Mournhold seeking the Relics of Ahzidal, the first Nord enchanter. He tells this one they were buried with him; very old, very powerful, and valuable! As the tomb was buried beneath the ash, he needed gold to fund an excavation team.

Khajiit thought these Relics sounded most interesting indeed; she is a novice enchanter and surely she could learn something from these relics, even if she will probably sell them immediately for the wealth they'll undoubtedly possess. She offered him a generous amount of gold to hire some diggers and he agreed to send a note when he needed her. A nice little arrangement, no? Let us hope something good comes from this!

Khajiit and Vilkas and Inigo fought through Fort Frostmoth and found a burial chamber beyond a locked door. A journal lay before an open grave; someone, trying to enact vengeance, raised the General from the dead. Like Khajiit thought. But who and why?

Further in, this one found the General, wielding an interesting weapon upon his back; a magical warhammer that dealt different kinds of elemental damage. Inigo nearly soiled himself. We put him down and returned to the Captain and he informed her that the Second Councilor, ruler of Ravenrock, wished to see her!

Word of her deeds travel fast in this place! Khajiit spoke to Adril Arano, the Second Councilor. This one does not know who the First Councilor is. He fears an attack upon the head of house Redoran is imminent. A rival house, house Hlaalu, has placed a deathmark on councilor Morvayn for executing their ancestor, and fears the Ulen family has sent assassins to kill him.

This one is itching to go after more shrines, but can this be ignored? If the councilor were killed, Ravenrock would undoubtedly be weakened. He told Khajiit to ask around for leads at the Retching Netch and so her search led her to the bartender; he suggested that she visit the Ulen family tomb.

Someone has been leaving offerings at the graves. Khajiit, Inigo and Vilkas went down the road to the tomb and waited in the shadows. For a very, very long time. We spent the timing passing pieces of sweet roll to one another and Inigo improvised some whispered songs about the crypt while he twitched and fiddled, looking every which way for undead.

Finally, someone walked in. Tilisu Severin. Not a Ulen by name and yet she was leaving offerings for the Ulens? Suspicious and worth reporting


	42. Entry 44 A New Place to call Home

Entry 44

Fredas, 17th of Frostfall

Khajiit has them! The Severins were Ulen spies! Khajiit was sent to infiltrate their house and discovered a note from a Dunmer named Vendril at Ashfallow Citadel. He has been training assassins there and planning the murder of councilor Morvayn. Well, there will be no assassin. This one heads there at once to put an end to this plot. Once that is done, she will be able to see about destroying those shrines and finding ways to stop Miraak!

* * *

This one has done it. She traveled to Ashfallow Citadel (Inigo took to calling it Marshmallow Citadel); a well fortified keep full of Morag Tong assassins and traps. There, she fought her way through assassins to Vendil and killed him. Vendil Ulen and Tilisu and Mirri no longer pose a threat to the Councilor's life and the Morag Tong assassins have been destroyed. In return for this one's service, councilor Morvayn has awarded his one Severin Manor.

At first she disliked the idea of living in the same home as a group of cowardly assassins, but once she fully explored it, she came to care less for it's prior owners. It is a beautiful house with many display cases and even an enchanting table and many, many plaques for the various weapons she will make. It is perfect, no? Khajiit much prefers Skyrim to this ash-ridden place, but certainly will not object to a new home.

Vilkas quite likes it. Now he has a proper place to rest and heal up from his injuries without having to return across the sea. It is perfect! It has an extra bedroom for Inigo to rest his haunches, an enchanting table and it has a forge, too! This one already loves it so!

The bed was put to good use and proved up to both our standards. After that, we ventured out to cleanse more of the shrines from Miraak's influence.

"Still feeling purposeless now?" Vilkas asked with a grin as this one pulled her blade out of an Ash Hopper's chitin hide.

"No, not quite." This one replied, feeling wholly at ease. Despite that the world is in danger, it is good to feel like a hero again. After defeating Alduin, she felt like her sole reason for living had been fulfilled. She felt lacking both in goals and in her purpose but now, being somewhere new and meeting new people and discovering new things, she feels good again. Just because she has fulfilled her destiny as Dragonborn does not mean her journey is over.

Far from the opposite, in fact. As long as she remains active like this and fills her life with meaning and good deeds, she will be satisfied. As we walked, Khajiit came across her third group of Skaal out hunting Bull Netch. Khajiit has no idea why they do such things. What honor is there in meeting your death against a creature that looks so bizarre? Nords are silly sometimes.

Khajiit agreed to help. The last group of hunters all completely perished to the Netch. This time there were no casualties and the hunters took some jelly from the Netch. It smelled so good, so sweet, Khajiit could not help herself from having a taste. It paralyzed her! She fell flat onto her back, stiff as a board, Vilkas cried out in dismay, Inigo almost died from laughter, and the hunters all laughed at her!

"Don't eat it until it has been cooked, friend! In its raw state it's used in potions!" One of the hunter's chortled.

"Why—? What—? Why in Talos' name would you _do_ that, stupid cat?" Vilkas all but shouted, fingers clenching as if grasping for some understanding of Khajiit's thoughts.

"It…it smelled so good, Khajiit thought it would make a sweet snack, dear one. You know of this one's insatiable sweet tooth, Vilkas." This one was so embarrassed but humored by his worry. Inigo meanwhile (some friend he is...) was laughing hysterically. Vilkas just shook his head, eyes aglow with mirth now that the worry had faded. "Blast it, woman…And you, shut it, crazy cat! Don't make me carry you back to Severin on my back!"

"Oh, do you mean to make it sound like a bad thing? Khajiit would so like to be carried by you."

"I'm being serious! You really want to just put anything in your mouth?"

"You've never complained about that before."

"That''s…that's not what…" Vilkas' whole face was red.

"You worry too much, dear one! At this rate, you'll grow weak and then J'Hirra will have to carry you home! Now, stop worrying and let's go!"

This one cleansed two stones. It turns out these stones confer blessings. This one freed some reavers from one stone, and rieklings from another.  
The latter stone conferred a blessing in the ability to summon a werebear! How interesting. On our way to the next stone, we ventured through a riekling cave. You know, they are annoying and the spears they hurl with precise aim hurt, yet they are quite adorable!

This one knows they certainly do not mean to be, of course, yet the little blue creatures are simply too cute to take seriously! They can be challenging in groups but not enough to detract from their cuteness. It is too bad she slaughtered all of them in their cave and without mercy. Little bastards. Throw one more spear at Vilkas. Go on. Annoyances. As cute as they are, this one knows better than to underestimate the enemy.


	43. Entry 45 A Deadly Exchange

Entry 45

Loredas, 18th of Frostfall

Khajiit stopped by Thirsk Meadhall. Things are looking better there, though they have asked this one for help making repairs and such when she has time. On another note, Balder Iron-Shaper, the only smith of the Skaal, has gone missing. Khajiit has set out to find him. The hunters say they saw elves dragging something away to the north so Khajiit will head in that direction.

Today we are joined by a new friend! A Dwemer construct that resembles a spider. On the way down the mountain side, this one came across the dwemer ruin of Kagrumez. Inside were reavers, speaking about a treasure just past some sealed gates.

The machine that opens the gates requires gems to be inserted in the empty slots and there are many slots. Khajiit found a gem in the last ruin she visited and speculates that there could be more gems hidden in the other ruins across Solsthiem. But onto her new friend, yes? It is quite adorable; the only dwarven spider she has found that has been friendly.

It was sealed behind a door, opened by a lever. Khajiit did not wish to leave it there. It clearly was intended to be a companion of sorts and so she will make good use of it. Gods know how long it has been there unable to fulfill its purpose. Khajiit does not imagine it will last long or even be very effective in combat, but it does not matter.

Inigo called it Sparks. Vilkas thinks it is silly to name a machine, but Khajiit likes the name. This one and her friends will now set off in search of the missing blacksmith. Once we have found him, Khajiit plans to head to Tel Mythrn to speak to the Dunmer with all the knowledge of Black Books that Storn told her about.

* * *

This one found the smith. He was hidden in the basement of a long abandoned lodge, guarded by Thalmor. Those bastards. Khajiit freed him and he told her of a group of them at the docks by the northern coast. Khajiit had been there only a few days ago. They'd stolen a map from him where he'd written the location to a large source of stahlrim, enchanted ice used to make powerful weapons and armor.

The Thalmor could not have their hands on it! Khajiit went and took the map back and threatened the Thalmor justiciar into leaving in one piece. She returned to the smith with good news and he told her that she was welcome any time to come and smith Stahlrim at his forge. Khajiit does not know how to make it yet, but she feels she is getting close!

While there, she also brought news to Wulf that she'd found his brother, the Werebear, a few days ago. She'd encountered him in the mountains and he'd gone mad. He transformed and forced her hand. Wulf was saddened, of course, but thanked her for giving him closure. Now that we have rested up a little in our vacation home, this one and her friends will go and speak to this Neloth in Tel Mythryn. Hopefully he will be able to help this one find the knowledge needed to defeat Miraak in these Black Books.

* * *

Khajiit, Vilkas and Inigo traveled to Tel Mythryn today. It is a small town, consists of four mushrooms that Neloth, his cook, his steward, and his apothecary live in. "I think I visited this place once. In a bad skooma trip." Inigo remarked, gazing up at the mushrooms. This one thinks that one must have the interesting personality indeed to live in a mushroom.

Inside the central mushroom was Neloth; an excentric, arrogant, and annoying Dunmer. Yet he is highly intelligent and he proved useful. He had one black book in his possession and Khajiit is eager to see it, but he did not share it; he claimed that it did not contain the knowledge this one sought. No, he said, what we need is a book specific to Miraak. He knew where we might find one so we set off.

This one should not forget to mention that upon entering Tel Mythryn one steps onto a platform that levitates one high into the air and into Neloth's study. She will also not forget to mention that perhaps Inigo forgot about such a detail upon leaving and stepped into Vilkas, causing them both to plummet off the edge. This one didn't laugh. Much.

In the reading room of the Dwarven ruin, Nchardak, this one found a black book locked away and inaccessible. Neloth believed the way to access the book was to restore the steam supply from the boiler which meant swimming through the flooded depths of the ruin, searching for cubes to place in their pedestals to turn on the boilers. It was a highly bothersome task and this one's fur got all wet and she smelled like a dog.

But, we did it. We unlocked the book and this one was able to read it. She was brought to Apocrypha and traveled through the chapters until she came to the end. There, Hermorah greeted her. He gave her the second word of power to Bend Will. Miraak has the third word and with it, even dragons submit to the mastery of his Thu'um. Unless this one can get that word, she cannot reach Miraak.

Hermorah offered to teach her the word, but only if she convinced Storn Crag-Strider to give up the Skaal's secrets. Why a Deadric prince would take interest in the Skaal is unclear to this one. Hermorah simply wishes knowledge for knowledge's sake, even if it is trivial and he can do ntohign with it. Khajiit does not know how she feels about this. He undoubtedly will kill Storn or hurt him until he gives up his secrets.

Does she dare go to them? But Miraak must be stopped. Surely Storn will understand. But what will become of him? Khajiit has no desire to bring harm or suffering to the Skaal but she has to defeat Miraak. Or does she simply want a new word to add to her collection? Does she simply desire more power? No. No, that isn't true. Miraak has to die. If he returns, there will be war, ruin, death and despair. Storn knows this. He has to give up those secrets. He has to


	44. Entry 46 Battle of the Dragonborns

Entry 46

Tirdas 21st of Frostfall

Poor Storn is dead. He despised Hermorah and yet he sacrificed himself so that Mirrak might be stopped. Tentacles burst from the book as he opened it and impaled him. Frea wept and this one could only watch with this dreadful sickness inside her.

Hermorah burned the word of power into Storn's skin and invited this one to either be a worthy opponent or Miraak's successor. Khajiit felt sick, like the whole village was blaming her for this great loss. Storn tried to console Frea and this one before he died. He always knew there would be a day when Hermorah finally won. Why them? Why the Skaal? Hermorah is truly a repulsive creature; the Skaal's lore offered no great powers or abilities.

Simply knowing that others had knowledge he lacked was all the motivation he needed to target them and Khajiit let him, even if it was for a higher purpose, she still let him kill Storn. Her guilt fueled her to delve into the pages and make her way to the summit of Apocrypha. She just wanted it all to end. On the way to the summit, a familiar great blue dragon barred her path.

He was called Sahrotaar, the dragon Miraak rode. To imagine, a mortal with a voice so powerful that even dragons could not refuse his bidding. Dragon priests served the dragons, but in Miraak's case, the dragon's served him. A disgusting display of arrogance. Khajiit has a few dragons that have helped her, but she considers them her comrades, not her servants! Khajiit used her shout to calm the dragon and she was given permission to ride him to Miraak at the summit.

There, he awaited us. "Sahrotaar, are you so easily swayed?" He said as Sahrotaar landed on the summit and this one dismounted. There were two other dragons on either end of the summit, teeth bared and fire gargling in their throats. "Wait, we must greet our guest first." The dragons backed down and Miraak turned towards this one.

"And so the First Dragonborn meets the Last Dragonborn on the summit of Apocrypha. No doubt just as Hermaeus Mora intended. He is a fickle master, you know. But now I will be free of him. My time in Apocrypha is over. You are here in your full power and thus subject to my full power. With the power of your soul, I will return to Solsthiem and be master of my own fate once more!"

He drew his blade and let loose a cry of, "Mul Qah Diiv!" He was donned in ethereal dragon armor. This one used the same shout and was too donned in the same armor. "Impressive. You've grown strong. How truly alike we are."

"You're wrong. This one would never use dragons in such a disgusting manner. This one would never use her powers for anything other than for the good of Tamriel; as it should be. You're finished, Miraak!"

"We are Dragonborn. To dominate is in our blood. Perhaps killing you will be a service; you'll never have to feel ashamed when you finally give in to your deepest urges. We were never meant to serve dragons and they know it; they bow to our Thu'um, it is the rightful order of things!"

"And look where all that power has led you! The servant of a Deadra, his puppet; trapped in his realm! What kind of life is that? It is not the order of things; we are not the ones who get to decide that! It is wrong!" And in a deep part of her soul, Khajiit felt pity for both this one and him; that the two remaining dragonborns should have to fight and kill the other when we two are the only ones who truly understand the struggle and what it means to be Dragonborn.

He chuckled. "I have outwitted him. He knows nothing of my plans. He thought me to be his puppet and today I spit in his face! The first to escape Apocrypha! Now, come; we finish this now. Have fun serving Hermaeus Morah."

"Fus Ro Dah!" With a cry, Khajiit swept into battle and landed the first blow while he was stunned. He shot lighting from his palm, blasted her with fire and her dragon armor absorbed most of the damage. She cut deeply into him, blood poured at his feet and he cried, "Fiem Zi Gron!" He became immune to this one's blows and used whirlwind sprint to shoot across the summit to a pool of slime. He vanished and appeared in the center.

One of the two dragons from before landed before him and Miraak cried, "Kruziikrel, Ziil Los Di Du!" He absorbed the dragon's soul right from it's body! His wounds closed up and he went back into battle. This one fought him for what felt like hours; his and her thu'um shook the earth and rattled the skies. Fire and frost spewed from our lips and scorched and froze our flesh.

He called another dragon to his side and absorbed it's soul and we fought on. Finally, Sahrotaar, although he fought by this one's side, came to Miraak's aid when called and Miraak stole his soul. Khajiit cut him deeply and, with no more dragon souls to claim, Miraak flew back towards the slime and vanished within it. He emerged, pulled from it's depths and impaled by a tentacle. Hermorah had tired of our little game. He mocked Miraak as he set him aflame and Miraak perished there.

"I have found a new Dragonborn to serve me." Hermorah proclaimed.

"May…she be rewarded for her service as I am!" Miraak choked and he died.

As the flesh burned away from his bones, this one felt a great sense of loneliness wash over her. He had called her the Last Dragonborn and he was right. This one does not know if he was the first; but does she believe herself to be the last? Yes, she does.

Hermorah bid this one serve him well and Khajiit heard voices getting louder and louder.  
"She is waking up! My friend, are you alright?"  
"J'Hirra, are you alright? Answer me!" This one opened her eyes and found Inigo and Vilkas kneeling on either side of her.

"I can feel it. The Tree Stone has been restored," Frea said, referring to the stone in the center of Miraak's temple, "Does this mean it is over?"

"Your father did not die in vain, Frea. Miraak is dead." This one told her and she sank to her knees in the snow, completely exhausted. Vilkas knelt beside her. "Truly? By the Gods, J'Hirra…"

"A word of warning, Dragonborn," Frea said as she turned to leave, "You were forced to become Herma-Morah's servant to defeat Miraak, but do not let him lead you down that path. The All-Maker made you Dragonborn for a reason. Remember that." She left us alone in the snow. This one collapsed back into the cold and closed her eyes. She would have slept there, that was how exhausted she was.

"My friend, you are a rarity among women. I do not know how you do these things." Inigo said and he folded his cape and laid it beneath this one's head.

Vilkas said, "I'm proud of you, you know that. Well, let's hope our time in Solsthiem grants us a little more peace, eh?" His tone was light but this one wasn't humored.

"He called this one the Last Dragonborn."

"Miraak? But what would he know of that?"

"This one cannot help feeling there may be some truth in his words. It makes this one feel...strangely lonely."

"How so?"

"The last of her kind. The Gods no longer have need of one such as her."

"Aye, maybe the world no longer needs the Dragonborn. But it needs you, J'Hirra. The Companions need you. I…I need you." He gripped her paw and held tightly. His words warmed this one's tired spirit. Just knowing that he needed her made her feel like that was all that mattered. "Good…" she slipped her eyes closed. She was heaved up off the ground and she gave a start! Vilkas was carrying her. "You—your wounds, they will reopen for certain, stupid dog! Put this one down, Vilkas, she is very heavy in her armor!" She was a tad embarrassed now.

Vilkas bucked his shoulders to adjust his grip, grinning from ear to ear. "But I thought you said you wanted me to carry you?" This one just stammered. He barked laughter. "Finally, I'm the one to make you blush. Ah, that feels great. Now, shut up and let's go back to the manor."

He carried this one the whole way there. This one blushes to remember it but it felt so nice to be held in his arms. After such an intense fight, she felt safe and comforted. She may or may not have fallen asleep in his arms before we reached Raven Rock, but we were the talk of the town the next day, and this one the envy of all the female Dunmer there!


	45. Entry 47 Castle Karstag

Entry 47

Morndas, 27th of Frostfall

Khajiit has been in Solstheim for what feels like an age, although it has only been a few weeks. She went and found that Stalhrim source and with it, she made armor and a battle axe, also a greatsword for Vilkas. It is good armor, sturdy and strong, and quite pretty. The Nords say it is enchanted ice. The stuff is hard as a rock.

Khajiit has not done anything strenuous; merely paid another visit to Kolbjorn Barrow, killed a horde of draugr, and paid the Dunmer to hire more miners and some mercenaries to keep the miners from dying.

Ah, and she also found a new steward for Neloth because his last steward was brutally murdered by Ash spawn. She read also read a black book Neloth let her read in exchange for finding a new steward.

This one is actually exhausted. She found a book within the book called a Gentlemen's Guide to Whiterun and her heart ached. This one misses Skyrim but we must wait for the boat to Windhelm if we wish to return. Khajiit is enjoying the change of scenery but enough is enough, yes? She misses the blue sky, the snow-capped mountains, although she does not miss the cold. The warm, ashy soil is close enough to the warm sands of Elsywere that she is comfortable in the environment, although sand never made this one feel like she was choking!

This one is not the only one with the blood of a snowy Sabre Cat. Inigo sneezes on ash and spits it out every five seconds or so, and Vilkas wishes to go home as well, but as long as we have each other, we will survive as always. When this one and Vilkas aren't traversing the ash, we are at the manor; sleeping, drinking, making love, or Khajiit is working on her smithing and enchanting. Vilkas is a strong man; one of the strongest this one knows and will ever know and not just with a blade. She is truly lucky to have him by her side.

On another note, the month of Frostfall is almost over. It has only been a few months since she joined the Companions and yet so much has happened. This year feels like her first in Skyrim, though she has lived here for many moons. She had never truly explored it while she lived with those bandits and though she wondered from place to place with the caravans, she never strayed from the roads. She had no desire to explore.

All those years ago, she wished she was home and though she could have easily left, she didn't want to. She wanted to have an excuse to be miserable and angry so she could avoid responsibility for her life. She wanted to blame others for her grief; it's all the Nords' fault, they're all responsible. Really, she just couldn't accept that she felt guilty, so blaming others was easier.

Everything has changed. She has come to terms with her guilt and her grief at long last and faced it to come out of top. She has a wonderful husband, she has found her first real friend in Inigo, and a successful life with the Companions and she has an incredible gift in the form of dragon blood that she grows better at using with every passing day.

Finally, she is happy with her life. Although, she still wishes to return to Khenarthi's Roost. She wishes to see how much it has changed since the hurricane. She wonders if it is still the same? Perhaps she and her friends will one day take a trip there. If so, she will show Vilkas all the ways of the Khajiit, except the moon sugar bit.

Khajiit has ventured into a place the locals call Castle Karstag. She found a most unsual skull; gigantic, horned, and with multiple eye sockets! After a brief visit to Raven Rock to have it inspected, the Dunmer say it belonged to a giant named Karstag. They spoke of a legend and gave this one a warning; when his skull is placed in his throne, he will return in his full power to fight and defeat the one worthy of bringing it back.

It sounds dangerous, but Khajiit has killed Giants before. The castle is a fascinating place. It is in a glacier for one thing and even the doors are made of ice! The place is infested with Rieklings, though. Cute little pests. Khajiit will need to write down the battle. If he truly is strong, it should be an exciting fight, no?

* * *

Alright, that was hard! Khajiit placed the skull on the giant ice throne in the courtyard and an icy explosion filled the whole area! This one was sent flying and Vilkas and Inigo flew across the courtyard. From the blizzard swirling around him, Karstaag emerged, wielding a giant club and moving swiftly towards us! Khajiit ran in to fight and found her whole body freezing the longer she was near him!

She did the only thing she could; run and heal and that was what she did throughout the whole fight! She would run in, chip at him with her hammer, run away and heal. She used Dragon Aspect and so throughout the fight, an ancient Dragonborn would come to her aid. Vilkas kept retreating to this one for healing and he and Inigo would tank the Giant to givr her time to patch herself up when her healing magic wasn't restoring them.

We chipped away at him for what felt like an hour and finally, finally, as he was distracted with the spectral Dragonborn, this one rushed in and fell him with two hard hits! Khajiit has never been happier to destroy a foe! What an incredible fight! And this one can summon him, too, to help her in battle! What an amazing reward! He also dropped quite a few soul gems. Good for enchanting!

What a day! What a glorious, glorious day!


	46. Entry 48 A Macabre Return

Entry 48

Turdas, 30th of Frostfall

Fortunately, the boat to Skyrim docked today. Khajiit will come back of course if needed or if the fancy strikes her.

We had just stepped off the boat and into the city when on our way to the inn, this one saw a dismaying sight in the graveyard. A young Nord girl lay naked and thrown over a tombstone, hideous wounds carved into her body. None of the townfolk had seen anything. The guards wish J'Hirra to help and she intends to. Windhelm is depressing enough without murders going on. Yes, murders. Susanna was not the first to be killed in such a fashion. If Khajiit can do one thing to make this city a brighter place, let it be this. She will go to Ulfric's steward today and see if he has anything he wishes her to do about this.

Khajiit's head is spinning. The blood tracks lead to Hjerim. That man's house. The man that killed this one's mother. His house still stands, as foreboding as ever and oh, how terrible is it that years from now horrible things are still happening inside. It is to be expected, isn't it? Khajiit does not believe she can step foot inside. The images of the hidden room behind the wardrobe she was locked in are still so fresh. She can still hear her mother crying and she can still remember crying herself to sleep on the mattress on the floor, shivering in that tiny, drafty room.

When Vilkas saw this one's face fall, he stepped forward and seemed to know at once what was wrong.

"That's the house that that man—?" This one nodded quickly and Vilkas sighed.

"My friend, if you'd prefer not to go inside, I can go." Inigo offered.

This one was tempted to accept the offer, but she couldn't.

"No, it is alright. Khajiit is sick of living in fear of anything slightly related to that man. It would be best if she went inside after all." Though she truly did not wish to, she knew she had to. She'd come too far to still be so tormented after all these years.

"I'll come with you. We'd find more clues if we went in together. Besides, I wouldn't feel good letting you go in alone."

"This one thanks you, both." We went to the steward who told us that the house formally belonged to a member of the Shatter-Shield family. Khajiit approached the mother of the family and though she was grief-stricken, she gave J'Hirra the key. Khajiit's claws trembled as she opened the door to Hjerim and when she was inside, a chill colder than the air outside ran down her spine to her tail. The home was empty. There were a few empty chests, some cook ware, and that was all. Once it had been full of lavish furniture that would have looked beautiful if not for the owner. That horrible man. Now it was just a ghost of a bad memory.

"You alright?" Vilkas's deep voice was by this one's ear and she gave his hand a squeeze more for her own comfort than for reassurance. This one didn't have an answer and just proceeded inside. "I'll check downstairs," Vilkas told this one and she swallowed for that meant she'd check upstairs. She'd see the room where her mother had been raped for nearly a month. The idea brought bile to the back of her throat, but she went upstairs anyway. She went slowly and when she could just see above the landing she gave a start.

She'd expected to see that Nord monster standing in the doorway, to see her mother huddled on the bed just behind him, naked and crying. She expected to hear him roar in fury, to feel his footfalls shake the earth as he ran at her, to feel his thick hand around the scruff of her neck. Instead she saw a few rats in the doorway and little else but she was breathing shakily as she entered the empty bedroom. There was nothing there, so she left in a hurry. Every breath of wind against the sides of the building sounded like her mother's soft sobbing.

She hurried downstairs back to Vilkas and found him inspecting pamphlets. Someone named Viola Giordano had written them. They all were warnings to 'beware the Butcher'. The alias of the killer.  
"Find anything?" Vilkas asked and this one shook her head.  
"Hey, there's something under this pile!" Inigo said. Vilkas reached under the pamphlets and found a strange amulet with a jade carving of a skull on it.  
"See anything like it before?" Vilkas asked, turning the thing over in his hands.

"No." Vilkas pocketed it. "Well, aside from that, I've got nothing. Maybe Jorlief will know what this thing is." This one doubted that was all. She could smell it. Blood. Buckets of it. It made her feel sick when she realized where it was coming from. The room behind the wardrobe. How fitting. It could have been herself butchered behind that doorway had she not escaped thanks to her mother's sacrifice. Khajiit opened the wardrobe and was surprised to find the false panel unlocked. It had always been locked when she'd been inside. Vilkas whirled around. "How did you find that?"

"This one…prefers not to say." She stepped into the room and Vilkas, who claimed on numerous occasions to have killed every kind of creature in Skyrim, gagged. Three buckets of blood, numerous bloody bones and skulls with a few eyes still in them littered the room. On a table was another pile of bloodied limbs and a journal by the Butcher themselves. They were trying to gather enough human body parts for some kind of ritual.

"This is the work of some filthy necromage!" Inigo choked, his voice thick from his disgust.

"The Jarl's court wizard is an odd sort," Vilkas said. This one could remember delivering some ingredients to him at one point. He'd been very open about his necromancy. "We should confront him with this. We arrest him, or he may know how to catch the person doing this. Either way the killings need to stop and this house needs to be free of its curse."

Khajiit was glad to step out the door. She did not think she could bear another minute there. She just hopes that the next owner, fi there is one, will finally fill that home with good things. Even then, she does not imagine she will see the house in a different light. How could she?

Khajiit tracked down Viola Giordano. She believed the amulet to belong to the court mage and despite her warnings about him, Khajiit and her friends went to speak to him. This one went in expecting to fight or find he'd fled, but he was perfectly calm about the accusations and assured this one that he'd never kept a journal. He also believed necromancy to be a part of this as well, as the amulet Vilkas found was the Necromancer's Amulet. He deduced that the next murder would happen soon and very soon and suggested that this one patrol the market place tonight. Khajiit will do so. She hopes that this unpleasant business will be over soon.

* * *

Caught him. Calixto was the Butcher. An old man living alone in his home. He'd set up something of a museum at his home where he displayed trinkets he and his sister had collected over the years. A final journal in his home revealed that he'd been trying to bring his sister back to life. But do the ends justify the means? When it comes to murders of innocents, this one thinks not. As hard as it is, sometimes dead truly is better.


	47. Entry 49 Neloth's Predicament

Entry 49

Sundas, 9th of Suns' Dusk

Khajiit received another letter from Raldis about Kolbjorn Barrow. He simply said; you're needed. When Khajiit and her friends arrived in Solstheim (this one bound a dragon to her will and we flew with him there rather than take the boat) she found the miners dead in their bedrolls! Blood was spattered around the campsite! Raldis was gone and left his journal. He was killing miners to raise Ahzidal. Khajiit confronted him in the barrow's depths just as Ahzidal rose from the dead!

A great explosion of red mist filled the room and sent Raldis flying from the raised platform he stood on, surrounded by blood. Khajiit and Vilkas slew the raised miners and draugr and then Ahzidal. Ralis woke shortly after and Vilkas was furious with him. This one calmed him and let Ralis explain. Ever since he'd arrived, he'd heard whispers and voices beckoning him, and this was before the draugr even woke up.

"The miners…this was _your_ doing?" Khajiit asked him, feeling sick. She'd been sending innocent workers to their deaths.  
Ralis couldn't remember but he asked for her to believe he'd only been under Ahzidal's influence.

"J'Hirra, he cannot go unpunished for this!" Vilkas shouted. "Regardless of whether he was under the control of a dragon priest or not, honor demands he pay for the deaths of so many!"

This one agreed with him. She drew her blade. "Sorry, Raldis, but it would be wrong to let you leave this place." If Khajiit felt any remorse, it was gone when Ralis proclaimed that Ahzidal was on his side. In the end, the barrow had driven him mad. Khajiit killed him and he fell dead beside all the miners and mercenaries he'd slaughter to resurrect Ahzidal.

In the chamber beyond that bloody room was a black book. Perhaps that explains some things as well. Khajiit read it and was pulled back into Apocrypha for the last time. She never found anymore of those books and she hopes she never will see the land of apocrypha after her twilight years come to an end.

* * *

Neloth was worried. Khajiit had just delivered her knowledge of the Forsworn Briarheart to him and he was complaining about his problems. Just to torture herself, Khajiit asked what his problems were and amongst one of many was a very real problem; he'd been getting attacked by ash spawn. It's true. Ash spawn were the ones that attacked and killed his steward and Khajiit encountered and killed three of them outside Tel Mythryn.

He gave this one a ring that would—put simply—locate the source of the problem. Khajiit put the ring on and traipsed about the grounds. She began to wonder if the damned Dunmer was just pulling her foot when she saw a faint glowing. She got closer and saw that the glowing was coming from an empty coffin in the small graveyard towards the water. There was a heartstone inside.

Khajiit delivered some taproot to the alchemist and the alchemist said that the coffin belonged to Illdari, an apprentice that Neloth accidentally killed in one of his experiments. When she brought this news to Neloth he used a spell to find her location. She was hiding out in Highpoint tower. Khajiit, Inigo and Vilkas traveled there at once and found ash spawn guarding the place.

Inside she found a prison and a single, living prisoner whom this one freed. They'd all been experimented on. Khajiit went further in and found Illdari conjuring ash guardians and more ash spawn to serve her. Khajiit landed what she thought was a killing blow, but the heartstone inside her preserved her.

So, Khajiit lifted her from the ground, plunged her claw into his chest, and tore the heartstone out! Inigo's and Vilkas' jaws dropped down to the floor. The sight! After that, we returned to Neloth with the incredible news and he was smugly pleased. He made this one a member of House Telvani. Nobility! But it means little until he returns to Vvardenfell in a few decades as he said, but for now he will keep and bed and chest there for her.

No, thanks. Khajiit finds the mer amusing but also insufferable. She does not think she could live in the same place with him for a few decades. With that said, she will help him one last time. He did help her defeat Miraak and feels she owes him as much help as she can give.


	48. Entry 50 Brave Little Cub

Entry 50

Turdas, 13th of Sun's Dusk

Today Khajiit was heading to Solitude hold but stopped in Windhelm to turn in a bounty for a giant. As she stepped in through the gates, a little orphan girl named Sofie approached and tentatively asked if this one would like to buy some flowers. Now, Khajiit was wearing full Daedric armor with a Daedric battle axe slung over her shoulder. Not exactly the type of person you want to sell flowers to. Khajiit felt a rush of affection for the little cub.

Khajiit does not have room in her home for a child right now, but Khajiit feels pity for her out alone on the streets of Windhelm, cold and hungry. She and Vilkas are hardly home and will have to discuss the matter in depth, but Khajiit wishes to adopt her. Perhaps she will persuade Vilkas to take her in. Lydia is always around even when we are not and she would undoubtedly watch over her when we are not there.

Oh, if only Vilkas would say yes! Khajiit would love to take her in! She'd never really given motherhood a thought until now, but she adores the girl so and has kept the flower she bought from her.

In truth, this one has never been able to picture herself pregnant, and although a child born to a Nord and a Khajiit would be beautiful and unique indeed, she does not like the idea of being too pregnant to travel Skyrim. But she does love children and adoption is a noble deed.  
So what if the girl is not a Khajiit cub? This one could still mother her just as well as any other.

This one hopes so to persuade Vilkas. He seemed to like her, too.

Now, with thoughts of sweet, brave, Sofie in this one's head, we will continue to Solitude to find Neloth his staff.

For some reason. Why is she helping that crazy mer again?

* * *

Khajiit has done it! After months of scheming, she has finally come up with a flawless recipe for Dragonbone armor! Well, she hopes it will be flawless! But what about her recipe could not be flawless? Dragon bone and scale with enough leather for fittings and some fur for the armor. Dragon bone and ebony for the weapons!

Of course, this one made a schematic for light armor too using primarily scales and little bone so Inigo will like it very much as he prefers lighter armor. It is perfect! Khajiit cannot wait to start making it! Neloth's staff can wait, no, the whole world can wait for this! Khajiit has more than enough bone and scale, she has been saving them since the first dragon she had slain, but she needs ebony. To Red Belly Mine in the Rift!

* * *

After going on a mining spree, Khajiit was asked to meet Fralia Graymane in her home. She'd been bullied in the marketplace by the Battle-Borns, mocking ehr son's disappearance. Inigo scared them off with a hiss, teeth bared, and Fralia invited us over to hear the whole story for she and her son, Avulstein, believed that Thorald was captured by the Battle-Borns.

Khajiit was inclined to believe them. She has not gotten along with one of the Battle-Borns; he has always been rude to her, even though she rescued him and another member of his family from bandits on occasion. Besides, she likes the Greymanes. They are good people. Khajiit agreed to help look for any information the Battle-Borns might have on Thorald. First, she visited their home.

She wasn't inclined to break in and was a little relieved when the back door was found unlocked. She walked in and was immediately told to get out by a woman, probably a sister of a wife. She left and waited outside for a little while. Then she went back in…and was immediately told to get out by an old woman! It was a beautiful day! What were these people doing inside?

Finally, Khajiit snuck in and hid behind a table as Idolaf Battle-Born, ran into the next room. She hurried to the nearest door and found it locked. Using her newly acquired Tower stone power, she opened the difficult lock with ease and hurried in. Vilkas stood just out of sight behind the doorway to keep guard. Khajiit grabbed the first thing she saw on the desk; an Imperial missive. Then she ran out. The

Imperials did have Thorald. He was being held captive at Northwatch Keep on the northern coastline just beyond the mountain over Solitude. Avulstein wanted to come, but J'Hirra wished for him to remain hidden. She did not want Fralia to lose both her sons.

This one, Inigo and Vilkas traveled to Northwatch and though she was denied entrance initially, Khajiit beheaded the guard and charged inside. Filthy Thalmor fell to her dragonbone axe, to Vilkas' dragonbone greatsword and to Inigo's dragonbone bow. Yes, this one made the armor. Yes, it is incredible!

This one found Thorald inside and freed him but he did not return to Whiterun with this one. He believed he and his brother were unsafe and that they needed to fall into the ranks of the Stormcloaks. He gave this one a special message for his mother, one she'd understand; suffer the winter's cold wind, for it bears aloft next summer's seeds. This one returned to Whiterun and brought Fralia this message and joyful tears filled her eyes.

Avulstein left shortly after this one brought him the news. This one hopes they found each other. So many lives torn apart in this war, so much the Empire just lets the Thalmor get away with, and yet there is still a glimmer of hope and joy in such hard times. It is quite touching, no?

As we returned home for a good night's rest, this one sat Vilkas down to talk about starting a family. He frowned at first.

"The lives we lead are too dangerous, dear. I don't want to be like my father."

"And what was he like?"

"I don't know. I knew little about him. He left my brother and me at Jorrvaskr to go fight in the war and never came back. I was torn up about it for a very long time, then finally I decided I didn't need him; the Companions were my family, after all."

"This one sees what you mean."

"It would be selfish; to adopt her, give her hope and family, only to have something terrible happen to one of us. I don't think I could do that to her."

"But what if nothing terrible happens to us? What if we get to watch her grow up and we live long enough to see her have grand children? She wouldn't be alone here. Lydia would be around to watch her and the Companions would always be nearby."

"She's a sweet child, J'Hirra. I was taken by her just as you were. But it wouldn't be right. We're hardly around and like I said, our lives are dangerous."

"There is danger everywhere, Vilkas! Between the dragons, the war, the vampires, nowhere is safe! Should we live in fear of what ifs or should we live our lives to the fullest no matter how short it may be?" Vilkas was silent for a moment.

"I would worry about her, here by herself. I suppose I could take time off from my duties as a Companion to watch over her from home. I don't suspect anyone would blame me for it; raising a child is as honorable and noble a duty as any other."

"So…we will do it?" Vilkas sighed.

"I don't know. There's a lot about the idea that worries me. But more than anything, seeing her roaming those streets alone worries me more." He looked conflicted and this one felt a little guilty.

"This one may want a child, but there is no reason to rush into this. You're right; we should be giving this more thought. This one apologizes for worrying you."

"It's a good idea, J'Hirra, but it is a lot to think about. I don't even know if I would be a good parent."

"You would! You're so protective and loving. This one saw the way you were looking at her; your eyes got all gentle and you smiled so tenderly."

Vilkas stood up, shaking his head. "I know you like to charge head on into things, but we really do need to think about this one."

Khajiit does not believe that was a no, however! Perhaps soon, he will be open and excited about the idea. In the mean time, this one has been browsing the child's bedroom furnishing at Dragon's Reach. She hopes to give that little girl a home and soon.


	49. Entry 51 The 'Captain' at Forelhost

Entry 51

Turdas, 20th of Sun's Dusk

Early this morning as she was in the Rift cleaning out a den of savage beasts for Aela, this one discovered a tower. Inside was a young witch, Illina, trying to escape. Her mother wanted a human sacrifice for a ritual, possibly to become a hag raven and her daughter could not continue to support the terrible things they were doing.

Instead of leaving, she asked for this one's help; she wished to put a stop to her mother's cruelty by killing her. Together, we climbed to the top of the tower and slew her mother. Though Illina was saddened, she believed we'd done the right thing. From the top of the tower, this one spotted a great wall on the mountain opposite the tower. Illina said it was a fort called Forelhost, once home to a dragon priest and the site of a great battle.

Khajiit mounted Frost and rode up the mountain where she discovered a 'captain' camped there, claiming he'd been sent by Galmer, Ulfric's right hand man, to recover a mask belonging to a powerful dragon priest. This one uses air quotes to describe him because…well, you'll see, no? Forelhost was the last remaining hold out of the remainders of the dragon cult! If this one were a historian, she would be having a fit, but she cares little for history. Vilkas had a fit instead. Inigo sighed as if to say, if we must go in, then fine...

According to a journal this one found inside, Skorm Snow-Strider, one of King Harold's men, had been leading the charge to drive the remaining Snow Elves from Skyrim, however they received reports of attacks in the area behind them and backtracked to Forelhost. There, they found many cultists had taken their own lives.

Trapped inside the fort, Snow-Strider's men drank from the well within and many of them were poisoned and died. The cultists killed themselves rather than surrender.  
Snow-Strider withdrew from the ruins and left his journal in the hopes that in an age or two when the poison faded, someone might come along to make sure the cultists met their due fate. The journal mentioned a well and a key.

As we went further in, we found many dead bodies. Fresh ones. Stormcloak corpses and imperial legion corpses littered the areas. Those bodies were the first sign that something was not right with our captain outside. Why would he, a Stormcloak officer, let Imperials into the ruins? Vilkas believed we were being deceived. Khajiit knew so, but kept going. We would get the last laugh on our captain by taking the mask he wanted oh so badly for ourselves!

We went into the catacombs, found the key to the well, and began the descent. Further in, we found a room that chilled this one. The dragon cult truly took a no holds barred approach to making sure they were not killed or taken prisoner by their enemies.

In the burial chamber were herbs on either side of a ditch. Inside the ditch were very small bodies. They even killed their children rather than risk them being taken prisoner. When we saw the little bodies wrapped in linen, Inigo recoiled, pressing himself flat against the wall. "Gods. No. No. No, no, no zombie children, Gods, I couldn't take it..." Khajiit, too, could not wait to be out of this place. Some of the most powerful draugr she has fought were in Forelhost.

Khajiit killed the dragon priest Rahgot and retrieved his mask. It was a very fiery battle as he used a powerful fire staff, and at least five draugr deathlords came to his defense. Outside, Khajiit got a new word to add to Storm Call and below, she saw Captain Valmir impersonating an Imperial legion officer!

He was trying to convince an Imperial soldier to go inside. Khajiit killed him at once but unfortunately the soldier died as well. Disgusting. He just wished the mask for himself and was too cowardly to get it! Inigo put it perfectly as he wiped his blade, "Death suits him."

* * *

As we rested our haunches in Windhelm, this one got to thinking that perhaps she is forgetting something. A plan she wanted to act on. Ah, yes! The assassins that are always coming after her! Khajiit plans to do something about them and soon. There is a boy in Windhelm trying to contact the Dark Brotherhood. Perhaps if she pretends to be an assassin and does the dirty work, the Brotherhood may visit her. After all, she did steal their contract. A good plan, no? If it works.

* * *

Khajiit visited the Arentino boy. He had assembled a skeleton, a human heart, and some human flesh. He knelt before the body, surrounded by candles, and repeatedly stabbed the book from which he read the follow chant; "Sweet mother, sweet mother, send your child unto me for the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear."

This one, Inigo and Vilkas watched with our jaws down to our knees. What a truly messed up child. The boy was grief stricken; his mother had died and he'd been sent to Honorhall Orphanage in Riften. He and the other children were mistreated by a woman ironically named Grelod the Kind, making him run away. He mistook this one for an assassin and was overjoyed. Though confused, this one went along with it and will set out for Honorhall shortly. If this will stop the flow of assassins trying to cut her throat on the road, she will do whatever is needed.


	50. Entry 52 Family and Brotherhood

Entry 52

Morndas, 24th of Sun's Dusk

Yesterday morning, Khajiit received a mysterious note from an unsettled courier. A black handprint and a statement; we know. Hmm…perhaps the Dark Brotherhood is onto her. She should either expect assassins after her, or a more civil approach. If assassins do come, Khajiit will simply break one until he reveals their location. On a lighter note, Khajiit went and bought furniture for a child's room to fill the place where her alchemy table originally was. She never used that thing anyway. Vilkas is convinced about adoption now.

"You're right, you know."

"Of course, don't you know? This one is always right!"

"Sure, sometimes. Anyway, you're right."

"About what specifically?"

"Having a child. Life is short and unpredictable and dangerous, but that doesn't mean we should live cautiously and in fear. While I'm alive, no matter what happens, I would like to experience the joys of fatherhood."

"Truly?" This one smiled so widely it hurt.

"Aye. I promise to be the best I can be for our daughter and how many other children we have. Though I'd prefer we not go higher than two." This one embraced him tightly.

"To Windhelm! Let's give Sofie a home!" He pulled this one close.

"To Windhelm."

We never got to Windhelm. This one was exhausted from her night out with Aela (we spent the night finding the last totem of Hircine!) and wished to nap before we made our journey. Instead, she woke in an unfamiliar place; cold and dark and smelling of rotting wood. The whimpers and soft sobs of fear whispered in the air behind her. A masked woman sat on a wardrobe, twirling a blade between her fingers.

"Good. You're finally awake." She said in a sultry purr of a voice that would have charmed the pants off any man except for the malicious intent lacing her words.

"I hope you slept well."

"Who are you? What is this place?"

"Does it matter? You're safe, dry, and very much alive. More than I can say for old Grelod."

The Dark Brotherhood had found this one!

"Where's Vilkas? Did you hurt him?"

"The man in bed beside you? Oh no, if I had a score to settle with him, he would be dead. He's your husband? I'm a little disappointed. If my husband let me get dragged off by a shadowy stranger while I slept beside him, I would have a few cross words reserved especially for him."

"Oh, this one will speak with him, alright. Now, what do you want?"

"Grelod was a good kill. The old crone had it coming, and you saved a bunch of urchins to boot. But it was a Dark Brotherhood contract. A contract you stole."

This one was not sure she liked where this was going...

"If you'll look behind you, you'll meet my associates. There's a contract on one of them. Make your choice, make your kill. Repayment of your debt is just a discreet knife thrust away."

A truly gruesome situation, no? But had this woman—Astrid—thought that perhaps this one had a feeling the contract was actually on Astrid _herself_? Khajiit drew her battle axe and sliced into Astrid. Astrid tried to fight back, but this one cut her down.

"Well done…" she whispered as she fell and the leader of the Dark Brotherhood moved no more. Khajiit freed the three prisoners behind her and left the shack. Vilkas was outside, sword raised and ready to cut through the door.

"By the Gods! Are you alright, J'Hirra?"

"Vilkas…"

"What?" Vilkas put his hands on this one's shoulders. "What did they do to you? Are you hurt, where are they? I'll make them—,"

This one bopped him on the head.

"You let this one be kidnapped!" She shrieked and birds took flight all throughout the swamp. "She was sleeping right next to you, stupid dog! How could you?"

"It's not my fault! I heard movement and woke up but whoever was in the room with us cut me on the arm! There was paralysis poison on the blade! You really think I would let someone kidnap you that easily? They got the drop on me!"

"You didn't hear them enter the house? Didn't Lydia, Inigo? Anyone?"

"You didn't either!"

"This one is a deep sleeper!"

"Deep enough that you let someone pull you out of bed and waltz out with you?"

"This one was cut, too!"

"Alright, then neither of us were at fault, so what are we fighting about?" Vilkas yelled and we both went silent, breathless.

"This one…just felt a little hurt, that's all."

Vilkas scowled and wrenched this one into a hug. She hit her head against his armored chest.

"I followed you all the way here. I lost you in the marshes for a while, then I saw this cabin. You scared the hell out of me."

"This one killed the leader of the Dark Brotherhood." Vilkas choked.

"You…you _what_?" he shouted, wrenching this one back to look at her, mouth hanging down to his knees. "That was the Brotherhood that captured you? Ysmir's beard! We have to go, now! To Dragon Bridge, that's the closest town to here; the guards need to know!" He seized this one's wrist and led her through the marsh.

Well, Morthal was closer, but Dragon Bridge was a good choice. J'Hirra rushed to a guard, told him the news, and he sent her to Penitus Oculatus outpost which was stationed in Dragon Bridge. Khajiit spoke to Commander Maro and has told her to head right to the Falkreath Sanctuary to join his men to destroying every assassin in the place. So perhaps this one should stop writing and go.

* * *

It is done.

The last Dark Brotherhood sanctuary in all of Skyrim has been cleared out. There were quite a few people inside, though not nearly as many as Khajiit thought there would be. An old man, a Dunmer, an Argonian, and a werewolf. This one was expecting a truly challenging encounter. Ah well. Skyrim is now a little safer and that is what matters.

Unfortunately, Inigo missed the adventure and slept the night away in the spare room in Breezehome.


	51. Entry 53 The Adventures of Parenthood

Entry 53

Middas, 26th of Sun's Dusk

Finally, this one adopted sweet little Sofie. The poor girl was sleeping on the cold hard ground in an alley. She headed to her new home and this one sent Vilkas with her to ensure her safe trip. This one went shopping. She bought the girl a new dress and a doll for her to play with. She wished to make her sweet little cub something special. She took Inigo with her. Someone needs to carry the groceries.

Windhelm has a shortage of cheese, so this one went to Riften instead. There, she purchased some ale and Eidar Cheese. She already has the third secret ingriedent. She wishes to make her cub a dish from her homeland; Elsywere Fondue!

It is delicious and was always this one's favorite treat when she was a cub. This one purchased some ale from the Meadery and excited out onto the docks where she was beset upon by a frantic Argonian, begging her to take some lexicon back to Avanchanzel, a Dwemer ruin in the west.

Khajiit was a little frightened by how desperate the Argonian was, shoving the lexicon in her face, dropping to her scaly knees and begging, so she took it and returned it to the ruin. There, the Argonian had led a group of thieves to steal the lexicon which contained knowledge from the Dwemer. They'd all died except for her. Khajiit returned the lexicon and made the journey home, eager to see her family. She has a family! How exciting!

Khajiit has not felt the urge to travel far since adopting her. It is a change of pace to stay at home with her husband and new child. Instead of chasing down bandits and such, she has been shopping for extra ingredients for a soup she wished to learn how to make for Sofie.

She has been shopping for new dresses, toys and all manner of things for she only wishes to give Sofie the finest in life. She is a true Nord, like her father. She is fiery and yet she is sweet enough to know when she is due for a spanking if she doesn't listen.

Life with her feels brand new. Khajiit feels like a cub again, seeing the world in a new light through her daughter's wonder and excitement for life. She has already made friends with the Battle-Born and Grey-Mane children and a girl named Lucia who was begging for gold.

Khajiit suspects she is an orphan as well. Perhaps this one can convince Vilkas to be ready for that second child soon. As long as it would not upset Sofie, of course. They seem to be good friends so perhaps she would not mind having a sister.

Inigo and Farkas are both wonderful uncles! Farkas loves to roughhouse with Sofie while Inigo reads her stories and teaches her the way of the bow.  
This one hopes he can have children of his own one day. He would make someone a lucky wife and a wonderful father.

Khajiit made her family some dinner, played with Sofie for a bit, and Vilkas read her a bedtime story. Seeing him there with her head in his lap warmed this one's heart. Vilkas gently stood, careful not to wake her, and covered Sofie with one of the fur blankets. He lightly kissed her cheek and accompanied this one up the stairs to our room.

"This one never knew you could look so sweet and innocent."

Vilkas snorted, flushing. "I'm anything but that."

But that was yesterday. Today, this one got out of the house for a bit. Khajiit made Sofie breakfast and told Lydia that if she came back to a dead child she would be in for a world of suffering. Then this one rode for the Rift. The mission? To secure a noble's lost heirloom from a Dwemer ruin in the mountains over the rift called Kagrenzal. Khajiit hasn't heard of the place. This should be exciting. It is good to get out and about on a dangerous mission again.

Kagrenzal was very hard to find. It took this one hours. It is located very high in the mountains. Very cold and surrounded by snow up a steep, slippery path. We entered and saw a pedestal with some dead bodies around it. "I don't like the looks of this…" Vilkas said.

The place was completely empty and devoid of any light. Khajiit stepped closer to the pedestal and shining ball of golden light, warm as the sun's rays, floated from the pedestal. It was beautiful; a complete contrast to the grim, emptiness of the ruin. It was so warm and Khajiit was so very cold.

"Mr. Dragonfly does not think you should touch that," Inigo said, reaching out to her, "He is quite knowledgable in his old age."  
"Inigo's right, J'Hirra, don't touch that thing." Vilkas said and Inigo smirked. This one didn't hear him. She stepped closer and reached out her claw to dip it into the golden warmth.

A cage shot up from all sides and she, Inigo and Vilkas were trapped. "Mr. Dragonfly thinks we are going to die now...Shut up, please, Mr. Dragonfly..." Inigo whimpered as the orb began to spin around the cage, making a high pitch whirring sound. Then, it floated back into the pedestal. The floor began to glow. The floor tipped over and this one and Vilkas fell all the way to the bottom.

It was a long, long fall! Longer than the drop at Bard's Leap Summit and that is a huge drop! This one flew past jagged rocky walls, certain she would hit her head and meet her end, then she saw a massive pool of water below her. She plunged below the surface. Sputtering and choking on icy water, she broke the surface and cried out for Vilkas. She worried his fall hadn't been so clean but he was fine. He broke the surface and hit her on the head.

"I told you not to touch it!" He shouted.

"But it was so shiny, so beautiful, how was this one to know it was a trap?" Arguing, we stumbled to the shore and were beset upon by Falmer. We killed them and climbed our way to a walkway. We killed a few Falmer there and just over on the other side of a bridge spanning the length of the lake was a chest containing the stolen item. A dagger.

"Some things are worth risking near death for," Inigo concluded as he squeezed water out of his tail, "This just makes me want to stab a baby Horker..."

We followed the river through to Stony Creek Cave, a bandit lair that this one had cleared out while trying to find Kagrenzal. She had a feeling the entrance was through there! What an adventure! What an adventure indeed!


	52. Entry 54 Daughter of Skyrim

Entry 54

Morndas, 1st of Evening Star

Another month, come and gone. Yesterday this one fought a dragon and its priest, helped a Nord clear out a necromancer from his family burial crypt and it seems this one's little cub might want a pet. This one knows of a dog, Meeko, living in a shack near Solitude. Perhaps he would like a good home, yes? Sofie would probably like a companion to play with and care for.

Today this one goes to Morvunskar to find a stolen item from a noble family. She has been doing a lot of Companion jobs lately, just trying to decide what she wishes to do next; join the Dawnguard, or help with the war efforts. The war sounds more important than some vampire hunters, so perhaps she will go and speak to Ulfric today as Morvunskar is quite close to Windhelm.

Khajiit took care of the wizards and retrieved the stolen item. Afterwards, she went down the road to Windhelm. She paid a short visit to her mother's grave and went right to the palace of the Kings where she spoke to Galmar Stone-Fist.

"Helgen, eh? If you survived that, you're likely useful. Ah, but first tell me; why does a cat want to fight for Skyrim's freedom?" Khajiit was a little taken aback but thought perhaps his suspicion was justified. Khajiit typically travel in caravans and as those caravans trade moon sugar—used to make Skooma—, they are not allowed in cities. Why would a Khajiit wish to fight for Skyrim? Well, this one had her answer.

"Because she has been to all corners of this cold hard land and seen first-hand the treachery of the Empire. She has had friends whose family members were separated from them and tortured by the Thalmor, she has seen the grieving faces of men and women mourning their children killed in this war by the Empire. She's seen people only wishing to worship in peace being corralled like cattle, she's seen them here one day and then gone the next with their family left asking why and mourning their loss. The suffering at the hands of the Thalmor is blind to any and all, no matter race or religion, and the Empire simply allows it's own people to suffer. It is wrong and this Khajiit will do whatever it takes to stop it."

"Fair enough, but I'm still not sure about you. Being a Stormcloak means dedication to the cause. I'm sending you to Serpentstone Island. Something about that place attracts the Ice Wraiths. Kill it and come back in one piece, girl, and I may just have a spot for you in our army."

This one left the palace and set out. Vilkas asked, "You're sure about joining this war?"

"Are you?" This one asked.

"I always thought that of all the reasons to fight, this war didn't have one. But you made some fair points and I've never liked the Thalmor. I'll fight by your side, of course, but I'm not keen on either side. But maybe we all have to pick a side eventually."

"You don't disapprove of this one's choice, do you?" The last thing this one wants is for politics to drive us apart.

"Not, not at all. I'm not the religious type so I don't particularly care for this Talos business but I do disagree with the banning of his worship. Who cares who worships what dead god? The Empire has done a lot wrong since it got in bed with the Thalmor and it is dishonorable. Aye, I'll fight alongside you and these Stormcloaks. I just hope that the outcome will provide a better future for our daughter. She deserves to grow up in a land where she can believe what she likes and be who she wants to be."

Inigo said, "Maybe you should think a little more on this. That question he asked you was rather racist. Why should you need to tell him why you want to fight? He wouldn't have asked if you were a Nord. Maybe sleep on it." This one has a feeling Inigo does not like the Stormcloaks. Her heart is a little heavy at the idea that our politics may clash. She hopes not.

* * *

Khajiit is officially a Stormcloak, a daughter of Skyrim, a heroine to the people, so says Galmar Stone-Fist. When Khajiit returned from Serpentstone, Galmar was trying to convince Ulfric that he'd found the burial grounds of King Borgas, last owner of the Jagged Crown. Galmar believed that the crown would legitimize Ulfric's right to rule. The Jagged Crown was worn by every king of Skyrim until it was lost in the Great Hunt when King Borgas fell dead.

The Crown heralds back to a time when true Kings walked the lands of Skyrim, adored by their people for their righteous rule and their might in battle, not Kings that the Empire sat on the throne. Galmar told this one to go to Korvanjund and meet her fellow Stormcloaks there. Today we will retrieve the Crown, thereby strengthening the cause. It sounds like a noble and worthy goal. Vilkas is just excited to set his eyes upon such an ancient relic.  
Inigo is strangely quiet. This one hopes he is not angry with her choices...

This one met Ralof again at Korvanjund! It was a great and pleasant surprise to see the man she fled Helgen with. Together, we fought side by side and cleared the Imperials from Korvanjund. Galmar was very angry they were there ahead of us, but we still managed to get the jagged crown. A beauty, indeed. Khajiit wishes there was a copy. It would go well with her armor, no?

But alas, here comes a truly troubling part and it sits heavy inside this one's heart as she rides now for Whiterun. Jarl Balgruuf has never chosen a side and his time in neutral territory is nearing its end. Ulfric gave this one an axe to give to Balgruuf. If he takes it, Ulfric will bide his time. If he returns it, we go to war with Whiterun. The idea makes this one's heartache. Her city will be torn asunder. Gods, she may have to side against Balgruuf! She has friends in Dragon's Reach. The Jarl has always stood by her and helped her. She never wishes to bring him harm. This one prays it will not come to this, she prays that Balgruuf will agree to support Ulfric without any bloodshed.

* * *

He did not keep the axe. So this is how her friendship with Jarl Balgruuf ends. In a few hours the city will be under attack. Khajiit will be killing the very guards she helped defend the city with from the second dragon attack; she will see her neighbors dead in the streets. This one thought that to sign on for this war would be for the better. She thought only to bring honor to the land and to experience the glory of fighting for a worthy cause. But this is it. Betraying her friends, coming to blows with her neighbors, seeing the dead, familiar faces of people she's seen every day since she first came to this city. Gods. She was a fool.

Before this one left for Windhelm, she rushed to Jorrvaskr and gathered the Compaions. She told them of the coming battle and warned them to be careful. She took Aela aside. Her face was grim. "Aela, this one will send her housecarl to you after she has left. Please, take this one's daughter into the Underforge and keep her there until the fighting is over. Stay with her. Please."

She wanted to fight, this one could see it, but this one trusts her to do as she is told. Then, this one rushed to Breezehome and met with Lydia. "The city will be under attack in a few hours. Take Sofie, please. Take her to Jorrvaskr, a woman with green warpaint will be waiting. Hand her off to her. Do this."

"I will, my thane. We will leave at once."

Before she could go to Sofie, this one hurried over and held Sofie tightly. She was scared even though this one tried to hide her fear. "Go with Lydia, little cub. This one will come and get you when she can." The girl was fighting back tears that this one gently wiped away. "It will be alright. Things will be very scary for a while but when it is all quiet outside; your mother will come for you. She promises."

"Alright, mama. I love you."

"You too, dearest. Go. Go now." Sofie hurried to Lydia who took her under her arm and led her from the house. This one felt the sting of tears when she saw her axe hanging on the wall, the axe the Jarl had given her when he'd made her thane of the city. The city she'd sworn to protect. "Vilkas, will you go and be with her?"

"Aye." He wanted to fight, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the doorway. "You be careful, J'Hirra."

"Vilkas, this one does not know anymore. She thought what she was doing was right." He held her close and tightly. "It's war, J'Hirra. When Sofie is older and she can worship and live in peace without any threat of the Thalmor, it will be because of this. That's all that matters. Our futures, our lives, and the fate of the land our child will grow up in. However this ends, we will have each other."


	53. Entry 55 Aftermath

Entry 55

Fredas, 5th of Evening Star

Yesterday, the battle for Whiterun commenced. The Jarl did not give up easily, this one knew he wouldn't. He surrendered and turned to this one with his eyes blazing. "You, a Stormcloak. I expected better of you, Dragonborn." This one cannot forget it. During the battle, she had to keep telling herself that the Jarl and his men were traitors and Thalmor puppets. It didn't matter, nothing made this battle easy. The city burned, houses are ruined, debris clutters the streets. It looks little like the city this one once knew.

On the other hand, Vignar Grey-Mane is now Jarl. This one has always had a soft spot for the Grey-Mane family and trusts him to lead the city well. Vilkas and Lydia kept little Sofie safe. The girl was very scared when this one went to pick her up, but she gave this one the biggest, warmest hug. This one could not sleep all night. She kept hearing the catapults creak, the explosions of flaming rock hurled from the catapults, swords clashing, and the cries of the furious, the scared, and the dying.

The city has changed. It is too early to say if it is for the better. The new soldiers supposedly are not treating anyone who isn't a Nord well, but that is typical for some Nords amongst the Stormcloaks. Unfortunately, Ulfric's cause has attracted those who not so much wish to see Skyrim rid of the Empire, but those who also wish to see Skyrim strictly for Nords.

Of course, this is not true for all the Stormcloaks. Many of the men and women Khajiit has spoken to wish to see Skyrim free of the Empire and the Thalmor behind them and most have treated her respectfully. Khajiit is used to having to earn her respect with the Nords. Hard work, dedication, and a hunger for battle. Soon enough the few giving her problems with back off and perhaps even come to trust her.

Inigo has not spoken to this one since returning from her initiation test.  
As we breakfasted in Breezehome, this one tried to talk to him about the battle and he avoided her gaze.  
"Inigo," this one said for she could take it no more, "You do not approve of this one's choices, do you?"  
"No. I don't." His voice was unusually sharp and this one felt like she'd been cut with a knife. "I do not trust Ulfric, I do not like his Stormcloaks, and I do not understand why you, a Khajiit, would fight under his banner when we've experienced first hand just what kind of land he really wants."  
This one was speechless. Inigo has had her back since the day we met. Would politics of all things divide us now?

"Inigo, not all of his Stormcloaks are like that. Ulfric cares about Skyrim."  
"I do not think he does. The situation with the Empire is not as simple as he thinks it is. They had to surrender or else all of Tamriel would have fallen. Without even realizing it, he is doing exactly what the Thalmor want. He is playing right into their hands, and yet he wants to fight against them? The hypocrisy is mind boggling!"

This one's fur bristled at his words. "The Empire had many choices. What good is an Empire that allows its own people to tortured and killed for worshipping their Gods? It is unjust and wrong."  
"It is wrong, I will not argue with you on that. But the Empire is the only thing standing between the Dominion and Tamriel."  
"Yes, and look at all the good it is doing! It is not the Empire it once was. It has betrayed its own people. Ulfric wants to change that, Inigo."  
"No. What he wants is isolationism. He wants Skyrim for the Nords and Nords alone. The only reason he even let you join was because you were exceptional compared to other Khajiits."

"No, he let this one join because of her belief in his cause and her skills in battle. Her race matters little to him."  
"I do not think so. He and his Stormcloaks are racists xenophobics, J'Hirra! Do you see any Dunmer fighting in his army, any Argonians or Khajiit? No."  
"And if they wanted change, they would take action! This one did not prove herself to the Nords by complaining about how bad Khajiit have it."  
"Both of you shut it," Vilkas snapped before Inigo could argue. "J'Hirra has made her choice. Now, we have a city to clean up and wounded to help, so lets move out and argue about damned politics later." Wordlessly, Inigo got to his feet and this one watched him go, feeling as if a void had come between us.

Her heart heavy, this one made rounds about the city, checking on civilians. Many are shaken, some are not happy, but as this is mostly a Nord city, many are happy to hear that Talos worship will be restored. Lucia, Sofie's friend, lost the only place she was allowed to stay in during the battle, so this one and Vilkas have offered her a bed at our home. It may just be permanent!

She and Sofie get along very well. Although this one suspects Sofie may be a tad jealous. The girl was swinging most brutally at her training dummy in her room. What a firebrand! Vilkas is a little unsettled about such a change, but he adores being a father so Khajiit imagines he will warm to the idea of another child. Or perhaps he is just worried about being the only man in the house! Ha!

This one left the home to travel to the Stormcloak camp. Inigo stayed behind, telling this one he wished to help babysit, but something in his voice tells this one he wishes to be on his own for a while. Can't this one make anyone happy?

This one reported to Galmar later that day at the Stormcloak base in Falkreath. He ordered this one to meet with Ralof and help free soldiers from Fort Neugrad, which we captured. As this one set back down the road, a hunter ran her way, shaking. "I was attacked by a vampire! Do you have a potion to cleanse this sickness from my body, please!"

This one gave him a potion and the hunter told her that the vampires were station in an abandoned castle called the Bloodlet Throne. Honestly, that name is just asking for vampires to make their home there, no? Khajiit and Vilkas cleared them out and left, walking over the bones of their victims. This one finds it odd that she has encountered so many vampires lately. Where are the Vigilants of Stendarr? Aren't they supposed to keep these pests from invading people's homes?


	54. Entry 56 Making Peace with the Past

Entry 56

Loredas, 6th of Evening Star

As a reward for her rescue mission, Ulfric has granted this one the title of Thane and a piece of property in the city. Guess which house he offered. Guess. Just guess. Yes. That house. The house. Hjerim. Khajiit was going to refuse. Last time she was there, she could scarcely stay longer than a minute. Yet she did not refuse. She bought the house.

"J'Hirra, are you sure?" Vilkas asked and this one did not reply immediately. She wasn't sure, even after buying it, she still isn't. She bought the house because she could not stand that after all this time and so much change, she is still afraid of it. She finally came to grips with her mother's death, she let go of her anger and prejudice towards the Nords and can even tolerate some of their prejudice with hardly any anger, yet she is still afraid of that house. She is done. She is done being afraid of that house and its former owner. She refuses to cower from the past. She will make Hjerim into a grand home, full of warmth and love with her family. She will remake it, give it a fresh start.

"This one will buy it, Vilkas, and she will make into a beautiful home. So beautiful that it will be as if such horrors never occurred. But first, clean up the murderer's mess, yes?" she said to Jorlief, the steward. In a few hours, the house was set up with furnishings. Half the Jarl's men chipped in to help and it was done by dawn. As she stepped in to behold it, she felt that familiar sick fear rise up inside her but it faded when she looked around.

On the first floor; a beautiful open dining room and sitting area, also a large child's bedroom, connecting to the closet this one spent many months in as a cub but it is no longer a dark, dreary room. It has an enchanting table and an alchemy station, and all the soul gems this one could ask for. On the second floor, an armory for all the weapons and armor she can craft, and a beautiful, beautiful master bedroom.

It looks completely different from the nightmare home this one spent so many horrible months in. yet, still, she feels that ache inside her. The memories of her mother crying, the drunken screams of that horrible man echoing throughout the house, muffled by the closet door. But it is different, not only in looks but in spirit. It is a family home now. It's horrible past can be put to rest with a future full of love and new experiences.

The memories will fade, this one thinks. If she could finally get over her mother's death, she can do this, too. Yes? Khajiit hopes so. Sofie wasn't quite so eager to be back in Windhelm, but when she saw her beautiful, large room, she was overjoyed and chased Lucia around the house. Lucia is staying, of course. This one and Vilkas both believe she will be a fine addition to this family. Lydia remains in Whiterun, but this one's housecarl in Windhelm, Calder, can watch the children while this one and Vilkas travel.

Inigo on the other hand has been given Breezehome. It is about time he had a place of his own. This one is sure he was tired of sleeping in the same room with the whelps in Jorrvaskr. This one just worries that the additional distance between us will strain our rocky friendship. Of all her actions thus far as a Stormcloak, the one that has brought her the most regret aside from the battle for Whiterun is knowing that politics have come between our friendship.

Sofie could not sleep. She came to this one as she was writing this and confessed that she had a nightmare of being homeless, she wishes to return to Whiterun.

"But dear one, you loved your room."

"Yeah, I do. I love the house; it's the home I've always dreamed of. I liked Breezehome, too, but it was really small."

"It was. Your mother always wished to upgrade."

"But I don't want to stay here in Windhelm!"

"Because it reminds you of your life before you were adopted?"

"Yeah." So perhaps this one was not alone in her struggles being in this home. This one put her arm around her and said, "Sofie, those days are long behind you. You will never be hungry again and you will always have a soft bed to sleep in. This one imagines you may be cold, though, so she will make you some warm clothes."

"It just makes me sad remembering, that's all."

"Of course, but the past is the past, Sofie. It's all over. Running away and never returning will only make it harder to get over these memories. They will have power over you. You just need to tell yourself that you have a home now, that you have a loving mother and father and sister, you have warm food, and a roof over your head. Nothing will ever take that away."

"Not even a dragon?"

"Well, that is nothing either of us has control over. But no matter what, dragons or no, you will always have your family and you will always be provided for. That is a promise. Fill this city with new memories of your new life. That's all you can do."

"Okay, mama."

This one is not sure she entirely understood but suspects she will one day. She went to sleep and did not wake up again in the night. This one went upstairs. The floorboards creaked under her feet and brought back memories of sneaking up the stairs, seeing her mother and that horrible man through the half-open door down the hall to the left, where her room is now. She felt very cold then. When she entered she saw not her bleeding, sobbing mother, but Vilkas, reading in bed beneath his bearskin blankets. She remembers seeing him like that long ago and her heart was warmed by the sight. He patted the empty spot beside him. "Coming to bed, dear?"

"Yes." This one lay beside him and he let her put her head on his shoulder while he read. "Not reading the Lusty Argonian Maid, are you?" Vilkas chuckled. "When my wife is around? I don't want a death wish. Perhaps after you've left…" This one nuzzled his cheek. She lay in the very room her mother had lost her life in and endured so much pain for so long, she lay with her husband, his arm around her shoulders, nestled up in his warmth. Gods, it is still hard to bear but if we can lie so comfortably together every night, she imagines it will get easier.

"Vilkas, this room has seen much pain and hardship and cruelty. Perhaps it is time for this room to see some love, no?" She felt Vilkas grin. "Aye, I'm down for that." We made love as tenderly and gently as we could and this one did not forget but was not bothered by the past while he held her and kissed her. As he fell asleep, he held this one tightly and all the memories swirling in her head drained away.

That was helpful! A little love-making every night, playing with the girls in the morning, and cooking sweet, delicious meals will bring this one great comfort. She hopes to finally be free, to finally accept and overcome the past. She does not want to forget, she will never forget, of course, such a thing is impossible, but she will overcome this great trauma in her heart. She knows she will.


	55. Entry 57 War Rages On

Entry 57

Sundas, 11th of Evening Star

Today, this one reported to Galmar in Hjaalmarch. On the way, she stopped by Meeko's shack and brought the dog along. She plans to give him to the girls. They have been begging for a pet lately. Galmar sent this one to intercept an Imperial courier.

This one went to Dragonbridge and made inquiries as to his whereabouts and went to meet him on the road. The boy was young, not over 20 winters. This one let him fight back and he fell by her blade. He was young and though he wasn't bad with a blade, this one didn't imagine he'd been in many fights. Even delivering letters gets a man killed these days. Gods...

Galmar was pleased at least with the letter. Well, not pleased by it's contents, but by this one's abilities. Khajiit isn't so pleased. The Imperials were expecting reinforcements at fort Snowhawk and they knew some of our plans. Galmar did some writing and when this one, disguised as an Imperial soldier, delivered the letters to the Imperial General in Morthal, he was happy to know that those reinforcements got there alright.

Galmar sent this one to garrison Fort Snowhawk and the battle was long and bloody. Ralof was there to meet her. She is always pleased to see him and having someone there in the aftermath is always needed for J'Hirra.

She just wishes she could have Inigo's support. She hasn't seen him since she moved to Windhelm.

* * *

In the early hours of the morning, this one helped take back the Rift from imperial control, which she gave to Tullius during the peace treaty at High Hrothgar many moons ago. It was a long, bloody fight, much like Fort Snowhawk. This one lost Frost during the battle. After we cleared the fort, this one went searching but could not find him. Vilkas suggested searching his old home, so we took a brief trip to Black-briar manor. Khajiit found the stables empty and her heart was saddened at the sight of the stables where she'd first seen the palomino horse so long ago.

We checked Riften stables and this one thought she saw him. A palomino horse was outside the stables! She rushed over but the closer she got, the more she realized that it wasn't Frost. For one, it was female, and two, she just knew in her heart it wasn't. This one was heartbroken. She'd had Frost since she and Vilkas married at least. He was a great, grand horse and a wonderful companion.

When she returned to Ulfric, he gave her a new blade and Stormcloak Officer armor. It is a nice armor set, but alas it is light armor. He informed her that this one is to go to Haafingar hold and help with the war efforts there. It is our final assault against Solitude before we move in on them. Things are moving to a bloody close much faster than this one intended. As she stepped outside, a palomino horse ran up to her.

Frost! He had found his way home! Khajiit almost cried to see him. She cares so for the beast and would have missed him dearly if something had happened to him. She gave him a hug around the neck and climbed on with Vilkas. Khajiit hopes this war will be over soon. It has taken too many lives. The sooner Skyrim is free, the better.

Khajiit brought Meeko home to the girls and they were taken by the scruffy fellow at once. He has a loving home. Khajiit feels very good about this. On her way out of the city, a dragon attacked! She has not seen one for a while. She'd worried they'd gone away. After all, it is her purpose to kill them. The beast was tough but he went down. Unfortunately, no guards helped and so we lost two civilians; Ulendil, the Altmer that runs the Windhelm stables, and a dunmer farmer. Rest in peace.

* * *

Ulfric tells this one the time is right for a march on Solitude and so, in the early morning tomorrow, we will leave for Hjaalmarch.  
This one knew better, but she went to Whiterun and found Inigo in Breezehome. His smile was dim when he greeted this one.  
Inigo made us tea and offered this one a sweetroll he'd baked, but this one didn't eat.  
"I hear you took the Rift." This one heard the sadness in his voice.  
"Yes. Maven Blackbriar is Jarl."  
"Ugh..." Inigo grunted and this one shook her head.

"Inigo, tomorrow we march on Solitude." Though Inigo's back was to her as he faced the kettle, she saw his ears flatten. This one continued, though she knew better.  
"The strongest Legionaires are there, along with the Penitus Occulatus. It will be the largest battle since Whiterun. Will you stand by her side?"  
Inigo breathed a sigh, staring down into the kettle, but he did not face this one.

"My friend...I cannot do it. I cannot support you in this, because I do not believe it is right. I will never fight under Ulfric's banner. I sympathize with the plight of the Nordic people, but Ulfric's cause has attracted too many of the kinds of people I've dealt with all my life. And even if that were not the case, I will always believe in a united Empire. It is not perfect, it needs strong, capable hands to shape and reforge it, but to get rid of it entirely...No. I will never support that."

This one's heart sunk. Inigo had followed her to hell and back, but at long last, we'd reached an impasse in our friendship and in that moment, this one wished she had never gotten involved in this cursed war. This one told him she understood and walked around him to the door.

"Be careful, my friend." This one turned and found sorrowful orange eyes staring after her and realized she wasn't alone in her feelings.  
"Goodbye, Inigo." This one closed the door and felt tears burn in her eyes.  
She regretted getting involved in the war, but she never stopped believing that what she was doing was right, and this one hopes Inigo would at least feel pride for her in that regard.


	56. Entry 58 The Age of Oppression is Done

Entry 58

Morndas, 15th of Evening Star

It is done. In the late evening yesterday, we took the fight to Solitude. Imperials were in every nook and cranny but this one and Ulfric shouted them from the walls. Beside her fellow brothers and sisters in arms, this one fought to Castle Dour. She healed protected those she could, but many fell beside her before she could help.

Inside the castle, General Tullius has given up but his Legate, Rikke, hadn't. She believed this war was what the Thalmor wanted all along and perhaps this one can agree with that. Who benefits more from chaos and unrest than they do? But given the choice, Kahjiit would fight them all over again. Ulfric wanted her to step down, he didn't want to fight and kill her, but the Legate refused.

She and Tullius stood together and fought but this one, Galmar and Ulfric were triumphant. Rikke fell and Tullius submitted. Ulfric offered to let this one take his life but she refused. She has reached her limit. It sounds weak, but only a beast kills without regret. Besides, Ulfric deserved the right to his enemy's head. He'd fought under this man and ultimately been betrayed by him. Ulfric made it a clean kill and Tullius moved no more. Ulfric wished to honor this one in his speech, and J'Hirra let him, too tired to argue.

In summary, Jarl Elisif surrendered to Ulfric and will continue to rule Solitude, Galmar will train the armies under the new Jarls, and Ulfric will work on rebuilding Skyrim into the land it once was. He will not accept the mantle of High King until the Moot is convened and the decision made there. This one asked if there was anything else she could do for the cause and Ulfric cut her loose to do as she wished.

As Ulfric walked away, his fur cloak billowing in the winds, the crowd parted as Inigo forced his way through. This one's breath caught at the sight of him. He straightened up, his chest heaving and his eyes wild with emotions at the sight of her.

Before this one could ask, Inigo said, "I...I could see the smoke for miles. I thought...I thought Inigo, if she is dead, your last conversation with her will have been about politics of all things!" His voice trembled and he slumped over, panting.

"My silly stead wouldn't come, so I just ran. I don't know what I'd have done if you'd died tonight. How would I have lived with myself if the last few weeks I barely said a word to you and then you went and got yourself killed?"

This one rushed down the steps and threw her arms around him. She wanted to apologize for everything, but when Inigo put his arms around her shoulders and held her tight, this one couldn't remember what there was to apologize about.

It is over, just like that, and she is left feeling uncertain of the future and with the memories of those she killed and betrayed to get to this point. Was it all worth it? Only the future can tell us.

Khajiit is just relieved to be home. The girls greeted her with smiles and Meeko licked her hand once he was able to get away from the belly-rub Sofie was giving him. This one sat them down and told them about the war; sparing the gristly details. She told them that things will be changing but that no matter what, if we stick together, we will be fine. Neither of them are stupid.

They know about the Thalmor, they know about what happens to those who worship Talos, and they know about the Great War. Living on the streets with no walls to hide behind will open your ears to a great many things. Sofie was happy to know that worship would be restored as her mother and father before this one and Vilkas were devout. Lucia just hopes the Thalmor will stop hurting people.

For now they will. But a darkness is coming, this one knows it. She does not know when this darkness will fall, but it is imminent, like storm clouds on the horizon. The Dominion will come and Skyrim will rise to meet them when they do.


	57. Entry 59 Sanguine Night

Entry 59

Turdas, 25th of Evening Star

Not much has happened lately. Ever since saving the world twice and winning the war, this one's life feels a tad dull by comparison and though she does many exciting things, not everything is worth sharing. Today she went to Markarth. She cannot remember why exactly but whatever. She was approached by the court mage and owner of the one and only Dwemer Museum in all of Skyrim, Calcelmo. She has met him before, helped him find love with the Redguard who unfortunately had to go into banishment with the previous Jarl after the war.

J'hirra regrets that outcome but Calcelmo says they write everyday and he visits her whenever he can. She plans to keep their love a secret, of course. Anyway, Calcelmo asked Khajiit if she wouldn't mind clearing out a spider infesting the ruins of the Nuchuand-zel (or however it is spelled, in case no one is aware, this one is quite terrible at remembering the names of people and places and even worse at spelling them).

Khajiit cleared out the spiders and found amusement in Inigo's delight at squishing the creatures. As we were leaving, this one spotted a journal on a corpse by a door, blocked off by spider web. He was a bodyguard belonging to an excavation team. Khajiit brought the journal to Calcelmo and he asked this one to see if she could find any survivors.

Alas, Khajiit searched the whole ruin and found all the men and women of the excavation dead. What are people doing digging around in dangerous old ruins for, looking for secrets of long gone Dawrves? Why not plan excavations into the here and now instead? Well, that is Khajiit's thoughts on the matter.

Khajiit wished to see about finally joining the Dawnguard. The Vampire attacks have been getting worse. The bloodsucking scum must be wiped out. Werewolves are far better than Vampires anyway.

But, that was yesterday. Khajiit has not joined the Dawnguard yet for this one is in quite the pickle. Yesterday eve, after her meeting with Calcelmo, we stopped at the Silverblood Inn for a few drinks before hitting the road. As we were drinking, a man in dark robes approached the bar. "You look like someone who can hold their liquor," he said, smiling as he observed this one, "How about a friendly contest to win a staff?" Khajiit is not a wizard; she is not particularly interested in staffs, but the moment she heard that it was a contest, how could she refuse?

"No," Vilkas began.

"This one accepts your challenge, Breton."

"J'Hirra," Vilkas began, very tired, "You cannot hold your liquor."

"This one can hold hers better than you can."

"Surely, but can you hold it better I can?" Inigo asked, snatching up a tankard.

"If she loses, you can step in, Vilkas." The Breton said.

This one was about to ask why he knew Vilkas, when she was pulled to her feet and dragged to the fireplace. "Put down that swill you're drinking. I've got Colovian Brandy, seriously strong stuff. First one's on me. Down the hatch!" He took a big gulp and thumped his chest. "Whoo! Your turn." This one sniffed and just the smell made her feel woozy. She remembers very little after that.

She awoke in the temple of Dibella in Markarth to a very distressed priestess. "Wake up, you drunken blasphemer!" She shouted and she threw a pitcher of water all over this one. Beside her, the priestess kicked Inigo awake. "Oh Gods. I feel like a horde of mammoth are jumping around in my brain." Inigo groaned.

She had a pounding headache and Khajiit was tempted to claw her eyes out but refrained when she realized she had trashed the temple in her drunkenness. Vilkas slept in a chair nearby. "And men are not allowed in the temple! Clean up your mess and get out!" She threw water on Vilkas, too. "Was a man named Sam with this one?" Khajiit does not remember how she knew his name, but he was nowhere to be seen. Had he planned this, and why?

"Tell you what, clean up your mess, and maybe I'll tell you."

"J'Hirra made this mess? She cannot remember…"

"So you don't remember throwing trash all over the temple, fondling the statues, playing in the holy water in the shrine and using it to clean your…unmentionables?"

"No…"

The priestess sat down, distraught, and this one looked to Vilkas to find him chuckling. "Why didn't you stop this one!"

"I was laughing too hard. Come on, clean up your mess."

This one cleaned up and found a note. A list of repair items for the staff. A Hagraven feather, a giant's toe, and holy water. Khajiit cleaned up her mess, including the puke, and the priestess was mollified enough to tell her she'd been "Babbling incoherently about marriage and a goat and Rorikstead." Not much to go on, but we left. Vilkas was smiling.

"I remember a bunch of dead chickens," Inigo said, cradling his head, "Running around in the dark, and my tail really, really hurts. Vilkas, what did we do?"

Apparently he was the only one who did not drink. "I'm not saying anything! You two are in for one hell of a ride. Maybe you'll listen to your husband next time, J'Hirra."

He knew everything and he wouldn't spill. Infuriating. Well, we are at the Frostfruit in in Rorikstead now, resting our feet. This one is tempted to replace Vilkas with Erik the Slayer but maybe he will decide to be a good husband and tell her what happened soon.

* * *

Alright, so in her drunken state, Khajiit stole a farmer's prize winning goat (this one didn't know there were such things) and sold it to a Giant. Really? This feels like an elaborate joke! While we were taking he goat away, Inigo apparently also rode it. That would explain his sore tail.

She went up the hill to get the goat and saw the Giant walking though the fields with it.

Khajiit crept up behind him and beckoned the goat over. The farmer was right, she must have smelled like the goat's fermented feed, because the goat came running. And so did the Giant. Well, she has a lump the size of a sweetroll on her head, but she got the goat home safe and sound.

The farmer told this one she'd rambled about repaying a woman named Ysolda in Whiterun, so off to Whiterun we go. Gods, on top of being hung over, now her head is throbbing from the damn Giant's club…

"I think I remember Ysolda," Inigo said, "No...Maybe not..."

"You still will not tell this one the whole story?" She asked Vilkas and he said, "Oh no. This is the best part!" Khajiit wishes she'd sold him to the giant.

* * *

Khajiit got married. Again. To a Hagraven. Oh by the Gods. Why is this happening to her? Ysolda sent us to retrieve the wedding ring this one bought from her for her 'fiancee'. The creature waited for this one in Witchmist Grove, it wished for us to consummate our love. This one nearly puked and instead asked for the ring back and the creature flew into a rage.

As it fell dead, this one took back the ring and turned, gaping, to Vilkas. "This one was drunk, yes? You are her husband." Vilkas was laughing too hard to be jealous. "Let's go find Morvunskar," he said and this one gaped. "What?" He shook his head quickly. "Nothing."

We returned the ring to Ysolda who lamented that the wedding didn't fall through. "It sounded like a beautiful ceremony. You were going to get married at Morvunskar and you even had a staff to manage all the guests. It sounded so wonderful." She looked at Inigo and smiled. She whispered to him, but this one was standing close enough to hear. "I really thought you were pulling my leg with your comments about Khajiit anatomy. I don't think I'll ever go back to Nord men again. 9:00 tonight like you promised, handsome. Don't keep me waiting..." She walked away with a coy smile over her shoulder.

Inigo slapped his forehead.

"Oh Gods. I do know Ysolda. I know her very, very well..." While he checked the time, this one turned a piercing gaze on Vilkas. "You could have told this one we were going to Morvunskar, then we wouldn't have had to come all the way back here!"

"Come on, let's go. It's almost over."

So is our marriage if you don't start talking, this one thought. The stupid dog even knew the way to Morvunskar which is the only reason why J'Hirra let him stay and laugh at her. Morvunskar was empty, we'd wiped out all the mages on this one's last trip through. A portal opened at the top of the stairs, making Khajiit jump. "Go on in," Vilkas said, excitedly.

This one wanted to smack him for keeping her in the dark for his petty revenge, but she entered the portal. She arrived in a moonlit forest, lanterns illuminated the path to Sam. "Enough games, Sam!" this one announced as she burst into a clearing full of merrymakers, drinking, singing, and playing lutes.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd actually make it! I'm impressed!"

"Shut up, this one has been yelled at by a priestess, beaten over the head by a Giant, she cheated on her husband and got married to a Hagraven! Give this one the staff, she has all the ingredients to repair it!"

"Oh, the staff. It's fine, you don't actually need any of those things. You see," he morphed into a Daedra! "I just needed an excuse for you to go out into the world and spread merriment. I haven't been so entertained in over a thousand years!" This one was speechless.

He handed over the staff and gave her the boot out of his portal. She and Vilkas reappeared back in the Silverblood Inn as if everything had been a bad dream.

"What's the time?" Inigo demanded and the inn keep, Kleper, said, "Half past eight. Why?"

"I must go! Goodbye, my friends!" Inigo tore out of the inn like draugr were on his heels. This one hopes he enjoys himself.

"You still remember, don't you?" This one asked, for she was sure it had all been a bizarre dream.

Vilkas nodded, smiling. "So, J'Hirra, what are you going to do the next time a stranger challenges you to a drinking contest?"

"Listen to you, correct?" She said through clenched teeth. Vilkas patted her on the head.

"I think so, too, dear."

She wishes to bury herself in a hole. Tricked by the Daedric Prince of Debauchery. Truly a story for the ages, but this one will never tell it.


	58. Entry 60 The Dawnguard

Entry 60

Fredas, 27th of Evening Star

Khajiit has arrived at Fort Dawnguard. It is a massive structure, very old, but certainly defensible. The Dawnguard is made up of a whooping six people! A force to be reckoned with! Anyway, as she entered the valley and ran down the trail, she found a Nord standing before the lake, twiddling his thumbs and looked apprehensively towards the fort. "Are you here to join the Dawnguard, too? Mind if I walk up with you?" The young man asked and so we set off towards the fort with him.

The Nord, Agmaer, rambled the whole way; he was worried; he'd never killed vampires before. He was certain this one would get in, but unsure if he'd be allowed to join. Looking at him, Khajiit saw all he had for a weapon was a measly woodcutters axe. As we arrived outside the fort, this one saw the very Orc that had approached her with the offer of joining the Dawnguard. He was using a heavy bow she'd never seen before; a crossbow, staple of the Dawnguard, and no better weapon for putting down vampires, he said.

The orc had lost two wives to vampires and joined to avenge them. He gave this one a cross bow and some bolts. This one doubts it is as sturdy as her dragonbone bow, but will give it a try. Either way, she is a rubbish shot. Inigo on the other hand watched with awe as the Orc used the bow and this one gifted him hers. She knows he will put it to better use than she.

* * *

Alright, Khajiit's first assignment is to go to Dimhollow crypt. The hall of the Vigiliants of Stendarr, hunters of vampires, werewolves, and daedra, fell to the vampires and one of the last Vigilants is seeking shelter with the Dawnguard. Khajiit arrived just in time to listen to their discussion about it. The Vigilant's fallen friend spoke of what he thought was an ancient vampire relic hidden in the crypt. Khajiit has been asked to retrieve this relic before the vampires do.

Khajiit has since spoken to a few of the Dawnguard. Their leader, Isran, is a Redguard with the humor of a stone and no tolerance for most anything. He is paranoid to boot, but that is how he survived so long. He covers his tracks, he keeps his eyes open, he says. He tells this one that when it comes to vampires, if you're careless or sloppy, you're going to die, and so will the people around you.

From what the guard at the door said, he and Isran go back years, and that he and Isran had a falling out, so he was surprised when, after so many years, Isran wanted his help. The man is prideful, never one to admit he's wrong, always believing his way is the right way. Well, good to know, Khajiit will try not to get under his skin. Now we set off for Dimhollow.

* * *

As we fought our way through Dimhollow Crypt, through vampires and draugr, ghastly hounds with massive teeth with a bite as cold as the grave, and spiders and skeletons the vampires summoned to fight, we came upon a seal in the lowest part of the crypt. The seal was powered by blood. This one knows because she foolishly touched it and a spoke came up from the pedestal and pierced through her hand! Ouch. It still is very tender.

Vilkas was mad at her. As this one finished the ritual, a coffin rose out of the floor and a Nord vampire woman fell out. She did not attack, or show any signs of hostility towards this one unlike the other vampires. This is why Khajiit stayed her blade, even why she listened to her requests. She'd never known of a vampire that didn't want to kill the first mortal it set its eyes on.

Her name is Serana. She had an Elder Scroll on her back and she wanted this one to help her get home. This one asked her many questions, none of whichshe answered. She wished not to reveal why she'd been locked away, but when this one asked for how long, she said, "Hard to say. Who is Skyrim's high king?" This one responded, "It is a matter of debate, but many believe Ulfric Stormcloak to be the true high king. Many also still believe in the Empire."

"Empire? What empire?" This one couldn't believe her ears.

"The empire. From Cyrodiil."

She was surprised Cyrodiil was the seat of an empire now. Gods, she must have been in there for ages! Yet to her, it must have seemed only seconds…She wouldn't talk about the scroll, only told this one she needed to go home. She lived on an island just outside of Solitude.

So, we left the crypt, fighting through gargoyles that burst from their stone disguise and scared Inigo nearly to death, then through the draugr that lurked near the exit. We stepped out into the sunlight and Serana took in a deep breath. "It feels so good to breathe again..." We set off on horseback, Serana walked at first. As we rode, Serana complained about the sun, and most everything in general, and Vilkas kept shooting her uneasy looks.

"Shouldn't we take her to the Dawnguard?"  
"No, Vilkas. They would kill her."  
"She has an Elder scroll, J'Hirra. We really want a bunch of vampires getting their hands on it?"  
"She would expect us to take it," this one argued, "Then she will escape and what then? We will not know where these vampires are or how to get the scroll back."  
"So…what do we do?"  
"Wait."

As we traveled, this one said, "Inigo, let her ride with you."  
Inigo gaped. "No. I am not letting it anywhere near my neck. Let it ride with you."  
"Serana. Pleased to meet you." Serana said, extending a pale hand towards Inigo with a quirked brow and a cocked hip.  
Inigo stuffed his hand into his pocket in retaliation but if he wished to argue, this one and Vilkas had moved ahead on horseback.  
"Fine. Climb up. But stay away from my neck."  
"Sure. I never liked pulling cat hair out of my teeth anyway."

He put his pack between them as we rode on. What a scardy-cat, no? We went down the mountain side and onto the shoreline, where we found a rowboat waiting at a small jetty. Vilkas gasped. "That is where we're going?" He pointed across the ocean at the massive castle on the island several miles out into the water. This one and Vilkas had seen that castle before when we'd traveled down this way. Khajiit had always thought it empty.

"This is the part when we usually get in the boat." Serana said and we piled in boarded and this one and Inigo took up the oars. We were uneasy and quiet for the whole ride. What if she was leading us into a trap? This was most likely a scheme to lure prey to the island. Before we knew it, we were there and walking up the arched stone bridge towards the castle.

The castle, Volkihar, was huge. Ten times the size of Dragon's Reach.

"This is your home?" This one expressed her surprise, hoping to make light conversation.

"This is it. Home sweet…castle."

"It is impressive."

"Depending on who is inside, you and your friend should be safe." This one's interests were perked.

"Someone you don't want to see?"

"My father and I aren't on good terms." She left it at that. Boy, was she right.  
"Interesting! I've always wondered what vampire family feuds are like." Inigo said.

We proceeded up the bridge past statues of Gargoyles. Both Inigo and Vilkas kept their swordarms ready in case these statues turned out to not be...statues.  
"Wait." This one turned and found Serana hesitating. "What is it?" This one asked and Vilkas sighed. "What now?"

"I just wanted to thank you for getting me this far. But once I'm inside, I'm going to go my own way for a while. Just let me do all the talking." She led us inside past the human gate guard and once inside, a shriveled, gaunt Altmer vampire with hungry, glowing eyes accosted us as we entered. At the sight of Serana, he brightened and announced to the room below that she'd returned.

Serana beckoned for us to follow and the stench of blood and flesh nearly made this one sick! Vampires gathered around tables stacked with corpses, goblets overflowing with blood spilled onto the blood soaked wood, barrels that would normally hold mead sat on the tables, crimson dripped from the spout and puddle on the floor, bones and limbs were strewn about the tiled floor, human flesh was piled onto plates.

Vampires drank and ate from the corpses, naked and long dead, on the table. Two dogs with massive teeth, sunken eyes, and bony frames patrolled the room and Khajiit could hardly stand to look into their hideous faces and Inigo was frozen by the door, his hand over his mouth as he fought back the urge to vomit.

Harkon, Lord of the Court, greeted his daughter with open arms. "Have you brought my Elder Scroll?"

"All these years and that's the first thing you ask me?" Serana asked, stopping before him.

"Of course I missed you, my daughter. Must I really say the words aloud?" he asked through clenched fangs. "Who is this?" he asked, turning to this one, Vilkas and Inigo. All the vampires in the room were sniffing the air hungrily, looking at us as if we were but hunks of meat.

"My savior, the one who rescued me." Harkon approached, introductions were made, and he said, "I'm sure you know what we are."

"Vampires. Or cannibals." This one did not try to hide her revulsion.

"The oldest, most powerful vampires in Tamriel. For centuries we lived here, far from the cares of the world. That all ended when my treacherous wife stole away that which I valued most. It's a shame your traitor mother isn't here. I'd let her watch this reunion before putting her head on a spike." He sneered at Serana and she swept past him and towards a staircase. "There is only one gift I can give that is equal to the gift you've given me by returning my daughter."

"Khajiit wants nothing from you, vampire, only to leave."

"Still need convincing? Behold, the power!" He encased himself in blood and morphed into a beast before this one's eyes. He had great black wings, pointed ears, and he hovered off the ground, two spells clutched in his hands. "This is the power I offer. Make your choice."

"As if she'd ever give up her beastblood to join your cannibal cult!"

"Then you are prey, like all mortals. I banish you from this castle. Return, and we will strip the flesh off your bones, mortals!" He shot a spell at her and we were teleported outside the castle. "Dammit, we didn't have a chance to secure the scroll! J'Hirra, what are they going to do with it?"

"This one does not know, Vilkas! We need to tell Isran. Now. This is bigger than we thought…"


	59. Entry 61 Years End

Entry 61

Morndas, 31th of Evening Star

As we returned to the Fort, we found the Dawnguard fighting off a few vampires.

"That is what I get for openly recruiting!" Isran said as he wiped his blade clean. "Now, tell me what you found at Dimhollow. Give me good news."

"This one isn't sure she can."

Isran wasn't happy to know this one didn't bring the woman straight to them. Even now Khajiit doesn't regret her decision. We have eyes on the vampires, we know their location, we just need the means to fight them. Isran wants this one to help him find two people whom he thinks can help; Sorine, a Breton experience with Dwemer weapons, and Gunmar, an animal tamer. He last heard Sorine was out in the Reach, searching for ruins, and he believes Gunmar to be in the Rift, searching for more beasts to tame. He also said they'd need convincing to come back. Great.

Khajiit got to know her fellow vampire hunters. They were impressed she'd been so close to powerful vampires and lived. So, as we shared a brief pint of mead, we made merry conversation. Celann, Isran's old friend, told this one that Isran and himself were formally Vigiliants of Stendarr but grew dissatisfied with their methods. They formed their own partnership, but due to his disapproval of Isran's methods, they parted ways for a time.

* * *

Agmaer was recruited! We spoke and he told this one he'd joined to help his people rather han live in fear of the night. Isran told this one o check Ivarstead first for Gunmar so this one and her friends set off. On the road, a thief, cloaked in an invisibility spell, snuck up on her! They are getting smarter! But he is now headless and dead in the road. Khajiit stopped at a nearby mill and told the guards posted there to watch the roads more.

Inside, a woman asked this one for help. She was a single mother and her husband, Liefnar, had run off to sell their lumber to a group of men that had come down the road from Broken Helm Hollow, offering to pay more for any supplies than most in these parts did. Khajiit offered to help find him, although she suspected he'd bedded down with another during their time apart. To her, it sounded like trouble. The woman told this one to let him know he wasn't welcome at home if she did find him. Broken Helm was out of this one's way, but she was worried about Liefnar. If bandits had him, he could be hurt or worse. So we set off to find him.

* * *

So much for a cheerful end to the year! Well, for Liefnar's family anyway. Personally, this one still has a headache from all the dancing and drinking and music from last night. 'Tis as she thought; bandits, tricking farmers out of their supplies and septims. Liefnar was dead in a hidden room, an arrow in his gut. Poor man. He'd been dead for days. At least no more innocents will die. Kodlak would be proud to know J'Hirra did what she could to try and help.

Khajiit found Gunmar, a big, burly, hunk of Nord man, on the outskirts of Ivarstead, tracking a bear. He was skeptical about Isran wanting his help. Isran had told him he could handle anything alone. When Khajiit told him about the vampire threat, that they had an Elder Scroll, he agreed to make the trip to the Fort, but he wished to kill the rabid bear first. Khajiit leant a paw and Gunmar set off for the fort. One down, yes? One more to go.

But as it was the end of the year, this one, Inigo and Vilkas returned to Windhelm. He led this one into the temple and, though neither of us are holy, we knelt before the statue of Talos and were quiet for a moment of remembrance. So much has happened and in only a year.

This one became leader of the Companies, she fell in love and started a beautiful family with the man of a her dreams, she saved the world from the Dragon menace and discovered she is Dragonborn, she saved the world from Miraak, she helped win the war for the Stormcloaks and Skyrim will soon be free of the Empire's interference and religious oppression, she made peace with her past so she can live and love in the future. She is proud of all these accomplishments.

Vilkas remembered Kodlak's loss, the day we first met, the day we were married and the family we started, the day he was cured of his Lycanthropy, and the day he discovered his wife was Dragonborn like the great Nord heroes of old.

Inigo remembered his friend, the one he'd killed, and the day he got his second chance. He prayed for the people he'd hurt and the ones he'd lost, and he vowed to continuing forging a new life for himself.

We three held hands a moment longer in the temple, our hearts full of memories both good and bad and the people and creatures that had come in and out of our lives.

We fetched the girls for a trip to visit their uncle Farkas in Jorrvaskr. There, the whole city was celebrating the end of the year with free ale for all and the Companions had a year's worth supply delivered to their door. The girls danced to the lutes, the drums, and the flutes, Inigo sang many of the new songs he'd written during he course of the year, and the adults drank themselves into a stupor! Khajiit remembers dancing on the tables with Aela, Farkas and Vilkas, kicking sweetrolls and plates every which way, Inigo singing a song he wrote which we danced to (something about dragons and pie) but that is about all.

She drank so much, she hardly remembers a thing but she woke up naked with Vilkas in the Harbinger's quarters, so that is a plus. The girls slept in Vilkas' old room and they'd had a good night's sleep. And so, the Year ends and another begins! How will this one go? Khajiit can only guess.


	60. Entry 62 In Need of a Moth Priest

Entry 62

Middas, 1st of Morning Star

Sorine, the second person Isran asked for, proved harder to find as she was all the way out in the middle of nowhere in the Reach. She was reluctant to help Isran until Khajiit mentioned the two magic words; vampires, elder scroll. She was also reluctant to leave whatever Dwemer research she was doing; one of her Dwarven Gyros had been snagged by a mud-crab,and the fact that Isran had insulted her research certainly didn't make her eager to abandon her project.

However, Khajiit has a golden tongue, as mentioned, and those two words persuaded her to set aside her anger and return to the Fort. Good. Khajiit's head was throbbing all day from the party and if she'd had to stand there for an hour, talking with the woman, she'd have thrown her over the horse and rode back to the Fort with her. The terrain of the Reach, bumpy and rocky, certainly hadn't helped her headache and she is saddlesore is well.

Well, Vilkas is good with his hands, perhaps he can ease the aches and pains later, yes? On her way out of the valley, Khajiit stumbled upon a shrine all the way out in the middle of nowhere atop of hill. There, a fellow Khajiit was tending the shrine. He asked this one if she wished to commune with Peryite, the Daedric Prince of pestilence and disease. Um...No. That's like asking if you'd like to catch a cold or get an infection, yes? Well, to Khajiit the comparison is the same.

* * *

Serana was at Fort Dawnguard. She'd brought the scroll with her and wished to speak to this one.

Isran set Sorine and Gunmar to work. Sorine was given tools to make her weapons, Gunmar was given trolls to armor up. Isran and this one spoke to Serana and she told us that her father discovered a prophecy many years ago, a prophecy that spoke of a way to black out the sun so that vampires may never fear the sunlight again.

"My friend, this cannot come to pass! I will never be able to sleep again!" Inigo said, frantic at the idea of undead roaming freely across the land.

In Serana's words, her father "Lost himself in the prophecy. He became obsessed. It was kind of sick, actually. Neither my mother or I felt like starting a war with all of Tamriel, so she hid me away with the scroll."

What a nice family! Isran let her stay but it took much convincing to keep him from killing her on the spot and he holds this one responsible for her.

Inigo was less agreeable than even Isran. "My friend, we cannot trust it."  
"I have a name, you know." Serana said, arms folded over her chest.  
"It is an undead! It will turn on us, maybe it has the power to call more undead to its side!"  
"Inigo, regardless of your feelings towards the undead, we need her. So button up." This one said.  
This one is not sure if she fully trusts Serana, if only because of those sharp, sharp teeth, but she took a huge risk in coming to a Fort full of vampire hunters and she is turning on her own family by doing so.

Khajiit believes her trustworthy. We need her help. We also need someone who can read an Elder Scroll. Vilkas suggested a Moth Priest, monks who spend years training to read the scrolls. Serana snorted. "They're not likely to be any help, considering they live a continent away in Cyrodiil." Vilkas' ears reddened. He'd tried so hard to impress this one with his knowledge.

Isran said that he'd staked out the roads a few nights ago and seen a scholar stop by the stables in Riften, so we had a starting place. Serana suggested Winterhold as the mages there have all knowledge of things and she and Isran got into an argument like two children about which course of action was better. Worried for her safety, this one let Serana come with herself, Inigo and Vilkas to Riften where, as it happened, the carriage driver knew exactly where the scholar had gone; to Dragonbridge.

So, we ride now for Dragonbridge. Since Serana has no horse, she rides with Inigo who leans forward in his seat and jumps every time she moves. What a baby, no?

Khajiit understands his paranoia a little. It feels very odd to travel with a vampire especially since this one only recently became a vampire hunter, but we share a common goal and so to achieve it we must work together.


	61. Entry 63 Auriel's Bow

Entry 63

Fredas, 3rd of Morning Star

We arrived in Dragonbridge and asked around. The guards were unhelpful but a little boy had seen the scholar ride through town and over the bridge. Just down the road was an overturned carriage, dead guards and a dead vampire. On her corpse was a note by a vampire named Malkus, demanding the priest be brought to him at Forebear's Holdout, a cave on the hill over the ruined carriage.

He wished to break the priest's will and make him a thrall to the vampires. This one, Vilkas and Serana hurried inside and found an old keep within the cave lying in ruins. Within those ruins was a magical barrier like none Khajiit had seen and within the barrier was the priest, Dexion, imprisoned. We charged in and butchered them and Vilkas found a mysterious stone on Malkus' corpse.

The barrier still remained even after Malkus' death, so this one figured it had to be placed inside something to bring the barrier down. Up some stairs was a pedestal with a slot big enough to house the stone. Upon insertion, the barrier fell but Dexion, we feared, was lost to us. "My master is dead!" he wailed, drawing his katana. "You all shall pay!" He charged Vilkas who blocked him with his greatsword.

"Do not kill him!" This one cried. "We must bring him out of it!" Vilkas pushed him away and he turned on this one instead. For an old man, he was fast! He slashed frantically at this one, his blade hungry for her neck.

"I've got him, my friend!" Inigo charged in, throwing Dexion away from this one. As they fought, a vampire, cloaked in invisibility, lunged from the shadows, dagger poised for the back of Inigo's neck. This one thought for certain she was about to lose him and Serana shot an ice spike through the vampire's chest.  
Inigo shoved Dexion into Vilkas who restrained him, choking him until the old man returned to his senses.

Dexion had a few cuts and scrapes but he was apologizing profusely. "I could see through my eyes, but my actions were not my own."  
Vilkas, angry, turned on him. "Just go to the Fort, old man!"  
This one readied herself to accompany him and overheard Inigo as he took Serana aside.

"Thank you," this one heard him say, "You...saved my life. I never expected an undead to care for the lives of the living."  
"I don't. My father's prophecy affects vampires, too, remember?"  
"Oh."  
"But you guys are alright for mortals. We're a team, at least for now. We should act like it."  
"Yes. I agree. Serana, was it? I'm Inigo."  
"Interesting name. I've never seen a blue Khajiit before."  
Inigo laughed. "Yes, I am a bit of an oddity, the result of a bad moon omen before my birth." This one didn't know such an omen existed.  
"I'm not exactly normal myself."  
"Then...perhaps...we'll get along alright."

This one thinks they are cute together. She hopes their relationship continues to grow.

* * *

Dexion has since read Serana's scroll and the scroll told of a powerful weapon called Aureil's bow. He believes two other scrolls are needed to fully decipher the prophecy, one of which Khajiit already has from the days of her battle with Alduin.

Serana believes this weapon, Auriel's bow, could be the instrument of her father's success. So, the bow could block out the sun? But how? Serana thinks her mother may have the last scroll we need to reveal the location, but she has been missing for decades. We four sat around for a bit, brainstorming over her mother's last message; "A place he would never think to look."

"Castle Dour Kitchen." Inigo said and we looked at him. "Because the undead do not eat human food."

"Very funny." Serana said and Inigo grinned.

"I try."

"Perhaps the castle?" Vilkas suggested and this one gave him a look.

"Really, Vilkas? She would hide so close to her husband?"

"Wait a moment, that actually makes sense!" Serana exclaimed. "My mother kept a garden close to her laboratory. My father couldn't stand the place so he never went near it." It almost made sense. Almost. Serana thinks it makes perfect sense and so we shall return to Castle Volkihar. Serana knows a secret way into the castle through the sewers. Delightful.

Khajiit has other tasks as well. Sorine wishes to find a mage named Florentius as well as a dwarven crossbow schematic, and this one must also warn the Jarl of Riften that a vampire is masquerading as a 'visiting advisor' in her court. By the Twin Moons...


	62. Entry 64 Minorne the Goddess (?)

Entry 64

Morndas, 6th of Morning Star

Well, after sitting around Mistviel Keep in Riften for hours waiting for a chance to discreetly kill the vampire, Khajiit killed him as he crept into the Jarl's quarters. It was dark and she missed his skull entirely and hit him in the shoulder instead.

His scream woke the whole keep. As the guards stormed in, she shoved the letter containing his assasination orders in their faces before they could arrest her, and this one walked away scott-free.

Gods, what an infuriating ordeal! Now, to find Florentius. Should be more fun, yes? Isran did not like the idea of recruiting him. They worked together back when they were both Vigilants and Isran says he has a few screws loose.

He must be a skilled healer, because Isran was willing to set aside his dislike and sent J'Hirra out to find him. He'd last been seen at an expedition at a cave in the Rift.

* * *

Florentius and many other Vigilants were excavating Ruunvald, an ancient ruin. As we entered, the Vigilant were mining and came at us with their pick-axes, their eyes blank and a red mist enveloped their heads. "For Minorne! Kill them for her love!" One cried and they charged at us as we entered.

As we wiped our blades, this one asked, "What magic is this?"

"They've been charmed" Serana said, "By a vampire." Vilkas was shaken. "I never liked the Vigilants," he said as we proceeded through the ruins. Among Daedra, the Vigilant also hunted werewolves and Vilkas had a few tales he'd told of bad encounters with them. "But to kill them like this, possessed and armed with their mining tools…What a sad way to go. It doesn't feel right."

This one agrees, but what choice did we have? Besides, they'd have been dishonored to fall prey to an enemy their order is sworn to kill.

In what this one can only describe as a temple, she found a make shift altar, decorated with flowers, animal and human bones, and a journal full of inane praises for one called Minorne. "This Minorne must be a beauty to inspire such lunacy!" Ingio said, wrinkling his nose.  
Serana chuckled at him. "You really want your trip into this ruin to be worth it, don't you?"

"I have seen zombie children wrapped in linens, Dragon priests with their faces melting off under their masks, I have been tackled and clawed! These scars are there for a reason! I do not even remember the last ruin we went in that had a single spider! So, Serana, if a beautiful woman so happens to be waiting at the end of these ruins, blonde, scantily clad and with a bountiful bosom, I will take what I can get."

"I hate to say it, but Minorne is probably a vampire."  
Inigo stopped walking and looked at her.

"Why? Why do you do this to me? Can't you let me have something nice? Just for once?"  
"Nope."

Well, sadly for Inigo, Serana was right. Minorne was no scantily clad Goddess but a vampire. She awaited us below with a small army of her charmed Vigilants. We made quick work of her and though her storm magic was strong, Serana's ice-spike through her head was stronger. Florentius was imprisoned in a cage. In the journal, he'd been mentioned briefly. They'd imprisoned him for refusing to worship Minorne.

Florentius is a…very holy man. He worships Arkay, which is fine, but the only reason he went to the Fort at all was because Arkay told him to. No, really; he had a conversation with the God himself right before J'hirra's eyes! Or so, he thought. Really, he was just talking to himself.

Well, Arkey convinced him to join the Dawnguard and when this one offered to escort him, he waved her off and said, "I'll be fine. Arkay will show me the way!" and he walked off just like that, conversing with 'Arkay' was he went. "Did…did J'Hirra just convince a crazed religious fanatic to join a group of vampire hunters?"

This one, Vilkas, Inigo and Serana began to laugh.

Ah well, all in a day's work!


	63. Entry 65 Group Counseling

Entry 65

Middas, 8th of Morning Star

Riverwood is quite the popular place for vampires, no? Must be all the lumber. It gives humans a nice, woodsy crunch! J'Hirra traveled to Brittleshin pass today. Very close to Bleakfalls Barrow, yes, and it brought back memories. She killed a master vampire lurking close to town. Just down the mountain side was a cabin; an old woman lived there. Serana believed her to be a vampire.

"You can see it in the eyes." Was all she said. Well, Khajiit wished for more proof and poked around in her basement and found a letter, the ink still drying, asking her daughter to embrace her vampire blood and come and join her.

When Khajiit emerged, the old woman was armed and ready to fight. How frightening. This one ended her immortal life. Now this one rests at the inn in Riverwood.

As he ate and drank, Inigo said to Serana, "Ah, sorry, we are so rude. You must be hungry, here." He extended Vilkas' wrist and was slapped away.  
"I'm not in the mood for Nord tonight," Serana replied. "Sitting behind you got me in the mood for Khajiit." She bared her teeth and Inigo recoiled so far back in his seat, he almost crawled into this one's lap.

Serana laughed at him and Inigo said, "Do not joke like that! It is too easily to take you seriously."  
"What makes you think I'm joking?" Perhaps this one was imagining it, but she thought Serana's smile was a little coy. Inigo certainly didn't find it charming and folded his arms, fur bristling.  
"Your neck hasn't hurt lately, has it?" she asked.  
"No, why?"  
"Vampires can charm our prey. make them forget, bend them to our will. Maybe I just want seconds." Inigo jumped up and went to sit in a chair by the fire and we laughed at him.

"You would think, considering we're giving you free family counseling, that you'd be a little more respectful!" Inigo almost pouted, rubbing his neck.  
"So do you want counseling?" Inigo tried to protest but Serana said, "Alright, Inigo, tell me; what was your father like?"  
"Which one? I had two fathers."  
"Oh? For all the talk I've heard of bigoted Nords, Skyrim seems pretty open minded."  
"No! I mean I had a biological father and then an adopted father."  
"Really?"

Inigo went on to explain that on the night of his birth, the moons shifted and he was born under a bad moon omen. The tribe wished to sacrifice him and his brother, though they were born minutes apart and Fergus hadn't been affected. Inigo's own father was willing to go along with it. Inigo's mother took the boys in the night and fled but was found by the tribe and possible killed in place of her cubs. Inigo and Fergus were found and brought to an Orphanage in Riverhold where they were adopted by a kindly Khajiit and Argonian couple.

This one had never heard this part of Inigo's story before.  
"My brother and I left to find our fortunes in the Imperial City. My mother and father resumed their adventuring days and met their ends guarding a caravan. When I said goodbye to them, it never occurred to me it would be for the last time." Inigo concluded.

"Harsh." Vilkas said, setting down his tankard. "I for one never knew my mother or my father. Just a man named Jurgen. He left to fight in the war. Hell if I know what happened to him but he supposedly brought my brother and I to Jorrvaskr when we were little. It's good you got to have some time with them at least."  
"It is. I was blessed to know them, no matter the outcome."  
Vilkas twisted his fingers together and hesitated before he confessed, "I...I do wish I'd known my parents. If I at least knew what they looked like...But anyway, I have my own children and I get to be the father mine wasn't."  
"What about you, J'Hirra?" Serana asked.

This one does not know what her father was like. She supposes the fact that he wasn't involved in raising this one speaks volumes about his character, and that is all she really cares to know.  
"This one's mother was all she needed." This one left it at that.

As this one and Vilkas drank some more, Serana and Inigo sat by the fire and talked some more.  
"I'm sorry. I know what its like to have your fate decided for you. I've felt helpless before. Like no one cared. It's terrible." This one heard Serana say.  
Serana's expression was strangely gentle and Inigo sat close to her while they talked.

"Maybe my father did not care, but there is always going to be someone who does. My mother did."  
"My mother...Never mind."  
"No, what?"  
"We used to be so close. But when my father discovered the prophecy, he became obsessed with it. And my mother was obsessed with watching him fail. Towards the end, she spent all our time together mocking him, trying to twist my view of him into her own. She sealed me away, not because she was worried about my safety, but because she wanted to anger him. I was nothing but a pawn to either of them, I-,"

Inigo took her hand. Whether he was aware of it or simply lost in the moment, this one does not know.  
"They were both selfish. You are worth more than that."  
Serana didn't say anything else but as she cast her gaze to the floor, this one thought she saw tears gleaming in her eyes.


	64. Entry 66 The Soul Cairn

Entry 66

Unknown.

Khajiit misses Vilkas and Inigo, but she sent them home before we arrived in this…dreadful, dreary place.

It is not day or night here, so she is not sure how long she has been here. Time seems not to exist in this dark, unchanging place. She is in the Soul Cairn; a place where souls go after they are used for powering weapons.

Khajiit always assumed that souls simply disappeared after their use and though that was a grim thought, the reality is grimer. As such, she is tempted to give up enchanting for good. How can she hold herself responsible for soul-trapping a creature or person and then sending them here! Unless, they are very bad people, then in which case Khajiit will only soul trap people she does not like so they can wind up here.

Her ears hurt and ring from the constant thunder. The ground is cracked and grey and dead. The trees are dead. The sky is all wrong. It can't be called a sky. It feels like an eye, waiting, watching. The souls trapped here are mournful and spill their sorrows to this one. They long for a life and a world they can never return to. Gods, this one misses Vilkas.

Perhaps this is confusing. This one always skips the beginning part, so let us rewind to a day ago...or a week ago. A year ago? This one cannot remember.

* * *

With the plan to find Valerica and her scroll set firmly in our minds, this one and her friends very stealthily returned to Castle Volkihar. Inigo was so reluctant to go near the place, Vilkas had to kick him out of the boat. Serana said, "This way. We have to find a port along the side of the castle."

"Thank the Gods." Inigo muttered as we followed her, relieved we did not have to go inside the castle.  
Serana led us along the side of the castle and we found a small dock built beneath the castle. Guarding it were skeletons. Well, Inigo was probably upset but beggers cannot be choosers, no?

We entered the sewers beneath the castle. Down here, bones were everywhere and blood splashed under our boots. A vampire and her attack dogs awaited us inside but we put her down easily enough. Serana found a note on her corpse. She'd been denied entry into the castle and planned to raise an army of undead to invade from the inside! "Maybe we should have let her live and do the job for us?" Inigo suggested.

We pressed on, killing draugr and skeletons. Serana smiled and said, "This way, Inigo. There's something I think you'll like ahead."  
As we walked, spider webs became more frequent and in the next room across a draw bridge were-  
"Spiders! _Yes_!" Inigo cried, rushing in to slaughter the giant spider and her spiderlings crawling about in the room. We did not interfere and let him have the honor. Then we found the courtyard and stepped out into the dreary sunlight. Serana's face fell and she hurried into the garden.

Serana looked around at the garden, overgrown and dead, and said, "It's ruined. I barely recognize it...I used to walk through here after evening meals. It was so beautiful once. It would break my mother's heart to know what's happened to it."  
She hurried through the garden and Inigo followed. They completely forgot about this one and Vilkas! But it gets even stranger later.  
Serana lost herself in the memories of the garden for a short while, Inigo by her side, as she led him from place to place.

This one did not hear what they talked about, but their voices were low and they stood close together, Serana's head bowed and Inigo's shoulder against hers.  
When they returned, finally, Serana noticed that the moondial in the center of the garden was missing moon phases. Inigo immediately volunteered to help find them and so we searched the garden and found the moon phases scattered throughout. Once we'd placed them, the moondial rotated and a stairwell was revealed to us.

We proceeded further in and Serana said, "Come on. I'll show you the place." She took Inigo's paw and led him further in and they became seperated from this one and Vilkas! We ran around through the castle, trying to find them, setting off traps Serana knew her way around, disturbing Gargoyles from their shells, and drawing the attention of a horde of draugr. Vilkas was seething by the time we caught up to them and we found them talking pleasantly to one another, Inigo full of questions about the castle which Serana answered, her hand still in his.

Gods. Now this one knows what Inigo must feel like being a third wheel to this one and Vilkas.

When we found Valerica's laboratory and her portal to the Cairn, Serana had to partially soul trap this one to protect her life essence from the Soul Cairn. The other option was to make this one a vampire. So, undead, or half-alive? Hmm, a difficult choice indeed. Well, she could not give up her wolf blood so she opted for half alive.

Serana offered to do the same to Vilkas, but this one stopped her.

"Go home, Vilkas. This one does not trust this portal or what lies beyond it. If something goes wrong, someone needs to be there for the girls. So please go home. This one will meet you there." Vilkas did not want to leave her and Serana, but he understood. He gave this one a kiss goodbye and held her tightly.

"I'll see you at home, cat. You better come back in one piece, you hear?"

"What about you, Inigo?" Serana asked.

Inigo shook his head. "Uh...No. No, I would not look good partially dead, and if I became an undead, I might throw myself off a bridge."

"What, you don't want to be bitten by me?"

Inigo sputtered. "I'm sure you are a very good biter, but I still refuse!" Serana laughed at him.

"Then I'll see you in a little while."

"Yes..." Inigo hesitated and asked, "What will you do when you find your mother?"

This one was curious about that, too. Surely this would be an uncomfortable encounter.

"I don't know." Serana confessed. "But I need to talk to her. I have so much I've been holding in..."

"Then let her know everything. You deserve answers, even if they may not be what you want to hear." Serana nodded, determination blazing in her eyes.

Inigo gave this one a hug. "Good luck, my friend. Be careful." This one assured him she would and Inigo turned to Serana and they stared at one another, Inigo clearly feeling torn on whether a hug would be alright or not. Or did he perhaps want to do more than hug? This one was not born yesterday.

"Goodbye, don't die!" He turned abruptly and walked away stiffly. Serana was smiling as he left. "I think I'll miss that blue fuzzball."  
This one is sure he misses her, just as Vilkas must miss this one.

This one feels so bad. So often she must make him worry for her.

She will not waste away down here. She will return to Tamriel, to Vilkas and her children.

* * *

We have found Valerica, trapped behind a magical barrier guarded by these giant, faceless creatures called Keepers, created by the Ideal Masters, the ones who inhabit the Cairn. Whoever or whatever they are, Valerica was tricked and trapped by them. Despite being imprisoned for years, she wasn't happy to see her daughter; she believed Harkon had discovered their plan but Serana convinced her otherwise

She wasn't happy her daughter was traveling with a vampire hunter, either. She revealed the true reason behind Serana's imprisonment. The key to the prophecy of the Tyranny of the Sun is Serana, most specifically, her blood.

If the bow is tainted by the blood of a daughter of Coldharbour, the weapon's true purpose will be distorted; any arrows, dipped in blood, fired into the sun will block it out. Serana was hidden away for her own protection, for Valerica believes Harkon would kill his own child to see the prophecy fulfilled. What a stand up guy, yes?

Valerica fled for her own safety as well. She is a daughter of Coldharbour, too, and her blood could also be used to corrupt the weapon. From what Khajiit understands of Molag Bal, females are offered to him on his summoning day; an honor.

They are mated with Molag Bal, a truly painful experience, and if they survive the ordeal they are given the gift of pure vampirism from the patron diety of Vampirism. Disgusting, but probably a great honor for some very…messed up people. Khajiit hopes Serana did it willingly.

In any case, Khajiit would never allow Harkon to harm her. She has proven to be a good friend and though her safety matters for the future of Tamriel, it now matters because she is this one's friend. Valerica had the final scroll we needed and in order to get it, this one had to kill the keepers powering the barriers.

There were three in total, scattered across the Soul Cairn in some of the highest structures. Easy enough. Serana and her mother got to talk and Valerica apologized for being inconsiderate of her daughters feelings, never caring what was best for her. Serana seems happier since their conversation. This one can imagine. Holding in feelings like that for hundreds of years must be hard.


	65. Entry 67 The Moth Ritual

Entry 67

Sundas, 13th of Morning Star

It feels so good to be free of the Soul Cairn! We freed Valerica and, although she stayed behind to ensure Harkon cannot use her for the prophecy, she gave us the Elder Scroll to bring back to the Dawnguard.

And also, the dragon that guards the Cairn tried to intervene with Valerica;'s rescue and Khajiit killed it. Or she thought she did. As we left Valerica, the dragon approached and wished to trade words. Unexpected, yes?

The dragon, Durnehviir, is an undead Dragon. He told this one that he once flew in the skies of Tamriel alongside his brethren. Unlike his brethren, he developed an interest in Necromancy and wished to raise an undead army to serve him.

The Ideal Masters promised him access to their souls if he would guard Valerica until her death, leaving out the tiny, important detail that was she a vampire. Durnehviir simply wished to let this one know his name so that she may call him to Tamriel so he may fly there once again. Really? Does this one look like she has time on her hands for this nonsense?

She will consider his request.

When it is safe, this one wants to go back for Valerica. Serana was saddened to leave her mother and is trying to cope with the fact that Harkon will have to be slain to prevent the Tyranny of the Sun from coming to fruition. This one hopes she can make peace with this cold fact soon. Because she _will_ kill Harkon. Whether Serana is ready or not. It is the only way.

* * *

We returned to the Fort and Inigo, Vilkas, and the girls awaited us there. Vilkas had brought them to the Fort to better protect them from the vampires as their attacks have grown more frequent. Vilkas threw his arms around this one and the girls ran to greet her and nearly knocked the pair of us over in a family group hug.

Inigo shuffled his feet and gave Serana a sweet smile as he greeted her, and Inigo asked how the meeting with her mother went and so on. Gods. Since when has that man gotten so shy?

Most unfortunately, reading the previous Elder Scroll left Dexion blind. This one feared it was over, that all we'd done had been for nothing, but Dexion revealed another way to read the scroll. Scattered across Tamriel are ancient glades, home to Ancestor Moths. The moths help prepare the minds of the Moth Priests before they read the scrolls, something Dexion neglected in his haste to read.

So, Khajiit and her friends had to travel to Ancestor Glade, one such location in the pine forest in Falkreath hold. Khajiit still does not understand how moths help one read the scrolls. Dexion said something about how they act as a conduit and for some reason to help negate negative side effects, but Khajiit got bored and stopped listening.

The risk of blindness or insanity was still high, even with the moth ritual, but someone needed to do it. Khajiit was tempted to bring Florentius to read them instead, but she did it herself.

Using a drawing knife found at the Glade, this one stripped some bark off a nearby Canticle tree, which attracted the moths. With swarms of the digusting insects flying around her, Khajiit stood beneath a pillar of light and read the scrolls. Reading an Elder Scroll…Khajiit has done it before, when she needed to defeat Alduin. But this was different.

There were voices in her head, whispering of things she could not understand, probably because they haven't happened yet. Before her eyes, a map was drawn; she saw the Reach and a cave; Darkfall cave, the voices said.

That is where we shall find Auriel's Bow! Who writes these things? Not mortals, not Daedra. Does Time and it's passage write them? That seems more likely but it makes this ones head hurt to imagine how or why.

This one understands why those who read go blind or crazy. The eyes cannot handle the sight of things that have yet to be seen and may not be seen for centuries. Some things are better left unseen, better left unknown…


	66. Entry 68 The Forgotten Vale

Entry 68

Fredas, 17th of Morning Star

After a day's worth of travel, this one and her friends found Darkfall cave. The name is certainly fitting. It was dark enough inside to make this one lighy up a torch and we did take a fall. A wooden bridge broke as we tried to cross and plunged us into rapid waters and we swept to the lowest part of the cave with a bunch of spiders to the delight of a certain blue Khajiit.  
So, Dark-Wet-Fall cave would be a more appropriate name.

It was there that we met Knight—Paladin Gelebor, last remaining member of the Chantry of Auri-El, and one of two of the last remaining Snow Elves. Yes, Khajiit met a member of the race that became the wretched Falmer, who Gelebor calls the Betrayed. The other is his brother Vyrthur, who Gelebor believes was corrupted by the Falmer. Khajiit wished so to stay and speak with him but Auriel's bow lay within the Chantry across the valley.

To get us inside, he gave this one a ewer. To open the way, this one must stop at several wayshrines scattered across the valley and fill the Initiate's ewer with water from each of the five shrines. Once at the Chantry, she will need to empty the ewer and the doors will open. So, lug around a heavy pitcher and then dump it all out? That sounds productive and not at all tiresome.

Serana thought so, too. It is some kind of ancient initiation test to prove one worthy of an audience with the Arch-Curate, Vyrthur. The things people do for their Gods and their love…she will never understand it. Now, the things people do for love, Khajiit can understand all too well.

What a journey this one has ahead of her. She will document as much as she can.

The valley, known as the Forgotten Vale, is beautiful and strange. It does not feel like a part of Skyrim. The creatures that live here are similar and yet different. The deer have vibrat, black and green striped pelts. The sabers are lean and slender with black and white spots. No, this one is not high on skooma. There are also a few Giants covered in thick, white hair, with horns on their heads. They carry gems in their sacks that an be inserted in a pedestal, which unlocks hidden locations full of treasure! Fun!

The ghosts of the Paladins still tend the shrines and seem unaware of their deaths at the hands of their corrupted brethren. Spooky, yes? Ah but this pitcher is getting heavy, and Khajiit has only been to two shrines! Onward. No time for any more rest!

* * *

Khajiit found a very old book (and several more later on). The mysterious language written inside is legible but the words are not understood. Serana thinks it is written in the language of the Snow Elves. Perhaps she can take this up to the college once she gets home. The Orc that tends the library ought to know someone who can translate it. Inigo thinks they are actually Falmer pancake recipes. Gods, where does he get these ideas from? Vilkas agreed, for he snorted with laughter and tried to mask it as a cough.

Khajiit also fought two kinds of Dragon she'd never seen before. At the same time. She thinks they were brothers. No, she is not worried her singed fur will never recover! As we continued onward, we followed a waterfall into a glacier full of Falmer. They'd built rickety bridges that creaked under our feet.  
Serana snorted. "This construction is pitiful..." She said and this one agreed with her.  
"Give them some credit; how many blind people do you know that could build a bridge like this?" Inigo added.  
That is a good point. Khajiit will try to be more considerate from now on, yes?

* * *

It is done. Auriel's Bow is in our hands. With it, we have everything we need to stop Harkon and his prophecy. His prophecy, created by none other than Arch-Curate, Vyrthur. After he was infected by one of his own initiates, Auriel turned his back on him and the Curate swore revenge. All he needed was the blood of a daughter of Coldharbour to block out the sun. Familiar, no?

Serana was furious and she had every right to be; this man and his prophecy had destroyed her family. She would have torn the flesh from his bones if this one hadn't shouted him off the balcony before he could so much as draw his blade.

Anti-climactic, yes, but he deserved no better. Though saddened that it had come to such a conclsusion, Gelebor was also relieved that the Falmer hadn't corrupted him. He believes a day will come when the Falmer can finally shed their hatred. Considering how many Falmer tried to kill us on our way to the castle, this one can't say she agrees with him.

He gave us the bow, some sun-hallowed arrows to do additional sunlight damage, and with it, this journey is almost over. Serana does not wish to discuss Vyrthur and his prophecy and yet, Khajiit wishes to speak to her soon about what must become of her father.

Khajiit never knew her own father, but still, to kill a parent…Khajiit will be there for her in the days following. She knows the loss of a parent all too well. In the mean time, Serana is trying to make peace with it.


	67. Entry 69 Kyne's Peace (The End)

Entry 69

Morndas, 21st of Morning Star

It is done. This one, Vilkas, Inigo and Serana returned to the Fort and Isran gathered the men and told them to meet at Fort Dawnguard for the final assault. This one gathered the Companions, and together the Dawnguard and the Companions stormed the castle. Every vampire inside was slaughtered. Serana and J'Hirra found Harkon awaiting us in the throne room before his altar to Molag Bal. He wished this one to hand over the bow, but this one refused and he opened his wings and charged!

Gargoyles were summoned along with a dozen armed skeletons. Harkon swept around the room and used his life-drain magic from afar. After cutting through a few undead, this one managed to sever his arm from his body. He vanished and reappeared, hovering above the altar while his arm regrew. "Use the bow!" Serana called and this one fired an arrow into his chest.

He vanished into mist and sent more undead after us. When he revealed himself, too weak to fly, claws tearing for this one's throat, she fired an arrow right into the center of his head. Or, she tried to. He smacked the bow from her hand and toppled her to the floor, his claws ready to pierce through her chest into her pounding heart! The golden arrow through his brain stopped him. Serana lowered the bow and Harkon fell, dead, and his body dissolved into bloody ashes.

"Serana, why? Your own father…" His last words made Serana bow her head and toss aside the bow. Inigo was by her side in an instant.  
"Are you alright?" He asked.

"It had to happen. Everything was leading up to this, right from the beginning. He destroyed our family. He deserved to die." Her voice was steady, but her eyes shone with unshed tears. Inigo took her into his arms and his voice trembled when he said, "I am so sorry, Serana."  
He held her close and for a long time they remained that way. This one left them alone

On this day, the threat of a sunless world came to an end. Serana has been accepted by the Dawnguard for all her help and will stay as long as they allow her, and this one made sure to tell her she is welcome to join this one on any future adventures. Since the battle at the castle, Khajiit has spoken with Valerica and she will return to Castle Volkihar. Hopefully she and Serana can be as close as they once were before Harkon divided them.

Bloodied and exhausted, this one leaned on the bridge, listening the waves crash over the ringing in her ears.  
She told herself it had to be done, but Serana's tearful eyes would not leave her mind. In that moment, she felt that no matter how justified her actions were, someone would always be left hurt by the deaths this one left in her wake.  
"Dear, are you alright?" This one felt a hand, blue-furred, on her shoulder and found Inigo and Vilkas by her side. Inigo's hair was still crackling from the vampire's lightening magic, and Vilkas was bandaging his arm.

This one held Vilkas tightly and felt her worries dissipate in his arms, if only for a short while. This one wanted to go and check on her Companions, but Vilkas told her, "You rest, hear me, woman? You've done your part. Farkas, Aela and I will aid the whelps." This one tried to protest, even though her body was screaming for rest, and Inigo restrained this one. "I've got her, dogbreathe. Go on."

"Aye, you keep her there, cat." Vilkas was smiling as he left.  
Inigo put his arm around her shoulders. "My friend, you are a marvel. You save Skyrim from Alduin, then from Miraak, and now from a cannibal cult hellbent on world domination. I don't know how you do it."  
This one felt purposeless hearing his words. "Surely, this one's job is done, then. Skyrim cannot possibly face more threats than that."

"I wouldn't count on that. There's still the Thalmor to worry about, and never forget the rabbits and chickens. Forgetting about them would be most dangerous indeed."  
This one looked at him as if he were crazy and he smiled and this one found herself laughing. "I am serious about those little freaks, my friend. You have done a great thing today, so why the long face?"

This one confessed, "This one killed a power hungry vampire set on dominating Tamriel, but she also killed her friend's father. Was there really no other way? Does it always have to end in violence, or is this just the path Khajiit has chosen? Did killing Alduin really amount to anything, was there no way for this one and Miraak to join together?"

"There you go, doubting yourself and asking questions that do you no good. You do that a lot, you know? Asking these questions does you no good now, my friend. How about you ask yourself this; did it feel right to do any of those things?"

This one thought on it. Killing Alduin was something that had to be done, even if the outcome is still uncertain.  
Miraak on the other hand is a twisted subject matter, and this one's opinion on it changes from day to day. He was lost in his power that is for certain, but he and this one understood one another..

Harkon was Serana's father, and this one cares for Serana deeply, but he was lost in his obsession and Serana knew no other outcome was possible.

"Yes, in this one's heart, doing these things felt right. But no matter how right it is, people still get hurt."

"You cannot be responsible for that, J'Hirra. As sad as it is, the world and the needs of its people as a whole outweigh the effects of your actions on a few. It upset me when you joined the Stormcloaks, but it was clear that your mind and heart was focused on the bigger picture."

"Inigo, this one is sorry. She never meant for politics to come between us."

He gave her shoulders a squeeze. "I am, too.

"You'll never let this one live that one down, will you?"

"Nope."

For a while, we were quiet, listening to the waves crash and the gulls cry out.  
"This one doesn't know what to do now." She confessed. What else is there for her to do! Surely this one has reached the maximum of things for her to accomplish!

"Why, you become Empress of Tamriel, of course! You are a demi-God, my friend! Skyrim won't be effected by your actions, but the rest of Tamriel will and with you as Tamriel's ruler, you'll cut a bloody path through the Thalmor with your Voice!"

This one may just do that. Inigo clapped this one on the shoulder.

"As Mr. Dragonfly says, never look forwards or backwards, just look at the world around you. The now is what matters, my friend, and you have won a great victory today, despite it all. No matter what comes to pass, you will always have me by your side; you would have to do something unspeakable to make me leave you now...aside from joining the Stormcloaks."

" _Still_ not over that?" Vilkas asked, chuckling as he came to rest beside us against the bridge and forcing Inigo's arm off this one's shoulder so he could hold her instead. Inigo countered that by putting his arm around this one's other shoulder. "Gods, cat, get over it."

"Like you're over the time we let J'Hirra get arrested because you stopped to sniff some beef, you overgrown mutt?"

"I said it once, I'll say it again; _not_ my fault." Though they argue, on that day there was a lighthearted air about it.

"What about the time you walked into that spike door trap in Bleakfalls Barrow and sent all three of us flying?"

"And how about you, climbing up a tree to escape some chickromancer and his army of undead chickens!"

"If you knew what I know, you'd have climbed up a tree, too, dogbreath!"

"I know exactly! You're crazy!"

This one's ears ached as they both argued at one another through her ears, and she put her arms around both their shoulders and ducked, knocking their heads together. No matter what comes to pass, she hopes they can continue to brighten her day when they squabble like children, but have one another's back when the going gets rough.

Inigo is right. The now is what matters and now, tonight J'Hirra writes this while Vilkas sleeps beside her with Lucia on his right and Sophie on this one's left. Downstairs, she can faintly hear Inigo singing to Mr. Dragonfly as he prepares his midnight sweetroll and she can hear Serana's laughter at his song, and this one feels the deepest contentment in her soul.

No matter how exciting, beautiful, and dangerous her adventures are; the journey J'Hirra looks forward to the most is always the journey home. This one seems to have a penchant for saving the world time and time again. Hopefully her next adventure will be more peaceful.

Perhaps one day, she will lay down her blade, but not while the world still has need of the Dragonborne.

 **THE END**

* * *

I want to thank my dedicated readers for the highest view count and the most comments I've received on any of my stories.

I'd like to thank Nina, my Guests, Mia, Manu and everyone else who left lovely comments in every chapter and for reading through to the end.

I honestly never expected such lovely reception for something I wrote for fun out of a deep love for Skyrim.

Thanks for all the support and showing our girl J'Hirra so much love. I hope you enjoyed her journey as much as I do. (I still play her on Special Edition).

Till next time!


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